Infinitely

No one can take this away, Charlotte

"I have a surprise for you," Justin says when I get home from class that day.


"Did you pick a theme for the baby's room?" I ask, hopefully.


"No, it's better," Justin smiles before he kisses me. "Sarah's coming to visit."


"When?" I gasp.


"Next month," Justin says. "She'll be here for Thanksgiving with her husband and his first wife."


"Oh," I feel my shoulders drop.


"Charlotte, I warned you," Justin sighs.


"I know, I just kind of hoped we'd get to have just Sarah here," I make a face. "It's fine though."


"I talked to Eliza, the wife," Justin rubs my back. "She seems really nice."


"That's good," I don't know if I really want to meet Sarah's husband. How am I going to convince Sarah to stay here if she has all these people with her?


"So why are you crying?" Justin asks. I sigh.


"Because being pregnant makes me a crazy person," I sniffle.


"You're not crazy," Justin hugs me. "Just think about how nice it will be to see Sarah again."


"Right, yeah," I nod. "And her creepy old man husband."


"I know," Justin sighs. "Maybe it won't be so bad though, maybe we'll see that she's happy and has everything she needs."


"Yeah," I don't believe it for a second. I don't know what happened at her Homecoming dance but Sarah appeared back on Twitter the day after and has seemed happier than ever after her break. She never did tell me why she disappeared or explain what's going on with my Dad and the FBI. Now she keeps posting all these inspirational quotes and happy pictures. It doesn't seem right somehow.


"Do you still want to go to dinner tonight?" Justin raises his eyebrows.


"Yeah, just let me get ready," I tell him.


Going out with Justin these days is more ridiculous than ever. The cameras still chase us everywhere but for some reason now his fans do too. They were always around but anymore they don't stand back and wait for him to notice. People used to let us eat our meals in peace if they saw us out but lately everyone just comes over whenever they want.


"It's okay," Justin tells his bodyguards as he puts down his fork. He waves the girls who've just come running up over to our table. "Hi sweetie," he says,getting up to hug the two girls who are maybe only two years younger than me.


"Are you really getting married?" they ask.


"Yeah, we're really getting married," Justin smiles at me.


"Can we see the ring?" one girl looks at me.


"Yeah," I push back my chair and get up to show them.


"It's really pretty," the girl says. "Can we take a picture?"


"Yeah, sure," Justin says and we all pose together.


"You look a lot skinnier in pictures," one of the girls tells me.


"But like, prettier in real life," her friend says quickly, like she's trying to cover up her friend's rude comment.


"She's perfect," Justin pulls me over to him. "In real life and in pictures," he says before he kisses me. I smile until his hand lands on my stomach.


"Um," I don't want to push him away in front of these girls but he's making this really obvious.


"Okay, can we finish eating now?" Justin seems to realize what he's done and lets go of me.


"Yeah, thanks!" the girls say and disappear again. I sit back down and try not to look at Justin.


"Sorry, I forgot," Justin says.


"I know, it's probably not a big deal," I tell him.


"It kind of is," Justin sighs. "I don't know, Charlotte, maybe we should stop hiding it."


"I don't know," I look up at him and realize there are more people headed in our direction. "I don't know when we're supposed to tell everyone."


"I think we can tell whenever we want," Justin shrugs and starts shoveling his food into his mouth before he has to get up and talk to more fans.


This time I don't have to get up to talk to anyone and I just sit there trying to let the idea sink in. We're still getting used to hearing everyone's opinions about us getting engaged. So many people keep saying it's too soon, that we're too young and we're rushing into this. It's easy to ignore them because Justin and I have already been married for over a year. But I don't know how I'll be able to handle it when they start talking about our son.


"You don't look happy," Justin says when he sits down again.


"I'm just trying to imagine all the things people will say when they find out," I tell him.


"No one can take this away from us, Charlotte," Justin reaches across the table for my hand. "They say awful things for no reason, I'm sure they'll say them about this, but nothing anyone says can change what we have."


"I know," I nod.


"I didn't mean we had to say anything tonight," Justin rubs his thumb over the back of my hand. "Just that maybe we should say it soon," he says.


"Okay," I see another group of girls walking over. "This is getting out of control," I tell him.


"I know, it won't last," Justin shakes his head. "I just want everyone to know I'm still theirs, okay?"


"I know, I want that too," I nod and pull my hand back. The last thing I want is for any of his fans to feel like I'm stealing him from them.


It takes almost 3 hours to get through dinner. I'm starting to wonder if I might fall asleep sitting up by the time Justin finally gets to finish eating and we can leave. He drives us home and I go straight upstairs, pausing just for a second to look into the baby's room. It's still empty except for the crib Justin finally finished putting together.


"I'm still thinking," Justin says, kissing my shoulder as he walks up behind me. "We'll think of the right thing soon."


"How many weeks left?" I ask. He laughs.


"Enough," Justin promises. "I'm going to take a shower," he tells me.


I take another look around the baby's room and then go into our bedroom. Justin already has the water running for his shower and even though I'm exhausted it sounds like a great idea. The thought of the hot water on my back is enough to keep me from putting my pajamas on right away. I go into the bathroom just in time to see Justin wrapping a towel around his waist.


"Oh, hey," he says when he sees me standing there. "I just had an idea and I thought I should come tell you in case you were asleep when I was done showering."


"I thought I would take a shower too," I tell him. He's still dry but the towel is hanging really low around his hips and suddenly a shower is the furthest thing from my mind.


"Is that really what you're thinking about?" Justin's caught me, I can tell from the look on his face.


"Not anymore," I admit. Justin grins.


"I can't remember what I was going to tell you either," he says. "But I think you have too much clothing on."


"I think so too," I nod, reaching to pull my dress over my head.

"Oh, wow," Justin laughs.

"What?" I drop the dress on the floor.

"I think we need to take you shopping," he says, running one of his fingers under my bra strap and down along the edge of the cup. I look down and realize I'm basically falling out of the bra.

"Sorry, they're just getting bigger so fast," I start to apologize.

"Never apologize about that," Justin interrupts. He lets go of his towel and slips my bra straps off my shoulders. "I love them," he says, unhooking my bra so he can run his hands over my breasts. He uses his thumbs to flick the nipples.

I can barely handle waiting for Justin to finish playing before he decides to lower his hand to reach between my legs.

"Oh, someone's soaked through her panties," Justin laughs. "I guess I should be serious now," he kisses me.

"Please," I nod.

"Come here," Justin leads me back to our bed. "Get comfortable," he says.

"I'm ready," I insist but Justin takes his time, slipping my panties off and running his fingers everywhere but where I want them. It's like agony until he finally gives in and I get exactly what I wanted.

I lose track of time, paying attention only to how amazing my body feels. I can't get enough of Justin and it feels like he's reading my mind as he moves. All I can think is that I don't want this feeling to end.

"Don't stop," I beg him. Justin laughs but he's out of breath.

"I don't know if I can keep going," he admits. "You're wearing me out."

"But, I need more," I beg. Justin shakes his head but he moves down so he can put his mouth on me. It's not what I wanted but it's still good and he has me crying out and grabbing the sheets in just a few minutes.

"Better?" Justin asks, wiping his mouth.

"I guess I can be done now," I sigh. He laughs and moves to where he can kiss me.

"I still remember when you were scared of sex," he teases.

"I'm not usually like this," I protest.

"I wish I could keep up," Justin kisses me again. "I'm sorry, babe."

"Maybe you just need a break," I suggest. Justin laughs again.

"Let's take a shower and see how we feel," he says, getting up to help me up.

As soon as the hot water hits me I remember how exhausted I am. It's a happy kind of tired though, and I can tell Justin is just as happy to snuggle up together after we've dried off.

"What was your idea?" I ask as he kisses me goodnight.

"Hmm?" Justin kisses my neck.

"Earlier, you had some idea you wanted to tell me," I remind him.

"Oh!" Justin sits up. "For the baby's room. What if we do monsters? Like, cute fluffy monsters."

"I feel like I've seen that," I sigh.

"Not like I'm imagining," Justin insists.

"So does this mean you've decided?" I ask.

"Yeah, I think so," Justin kisses me again. "Is that okay?"

"Yes," I nod. "As long as it's done before the baby gets here."

"We'll have it done tomorrow!" Justin insists. "I can get a whole team in here."

"Okay, don't rush," I laugh.

But Justin really does hire a whole team of people to come in and build the baby's room. It makes it hard for me to pay attention to my schoolwork but I have to admit I love getting to go see it at the end of the day and see how everything is coming along. I start posting a few pictures for Sarah to see on our Pinterest board. She never writes back to me but she does like the pictures.

About a week later Justin and I get a chance to start interviewing possible nannies for our son. We're both excited going in but that feeling starts to fade really fast.


"Did you get a gay vibe from him?" Justin asks after the last person we have to interview leaves the room.


"I don't know, I got the idea he felt like a baby was just an accessory," I rub my forehead. We've interviewed 6 people today and none of them seem even close to right for the job. The worst part is these people all already interviewed with Allison and then had a second interview with Hoogs before they were allowed to interview with us.


"So you don't like him?" Justin sighs.


"I like him I just don't know if I want to let him take care of our son," I reach for my belly. The baby is kicking like crazy and it's almost painful.


"Okay, so we'll ask for some other choices," Justin says.


"If these were the best, maybe there aren't any others," I don't want to start crying but it feels like I might.


"Hey, no, we'll find someone," Justin promises, rubbing my back. "Maybe if we tell Allison what we didn't like about these people it would help."


"Maybe," I take a deep breath. "Or maybe there isn't anyone out there, maybe I just have to quit school and stay home."


"Or maybe I should quit and stay home," Justin says.


"This is not a joke, Justin," I close my eyes.


"I wasn't joking," Justin takes my hand. "There's no reason you should have to quit, I could take care of our kids."


"You can't quit, you're Justin Bieber," I glare at him.


"You can't quit either," Justin shrugs. "But you've spent almost 2 years letting me chase my dreams. It would be fair for me to take some time so you can do the same."


"No, Justin," I can't even think about letting him do that.


"Well, what then?" Justin asks. "I know you weren't happy staying home with Isaiah."


"It's different this time," I shrug. "But maybe there's another solution."


"No," Justin stands up. "Don't you dare say sister wife to me."


"I know it sounds crazy, I'm just realizing how hard it is without them," I really am going to cry, I can't stop myself.


"You need to eat," Justin says. "And maybe take a nap. Then you'll remember why you don't want that."


"Fine," I sigh, tears already rolling down my face. I'm so tired of feeling like I can't control my emotions that I don't know what I'm more upset about.

"Come on, you're okay," Justin insists, pulling me to my feet so he can hug me. He rubs my back and lets me cry for a minute. "Where do you want to eat?"

"I'm not allowed to eat anything I want," I protest.

"Alright, pizza sounds good to me too," Justin ignores my whining and brushes the tears off my cheeks. "Do you think you can handle eating in public?"

"Yeah, maybe that's a good idea," I sigh.

But I regret that choice as soon as we walk in and are almost mobbed by Justin's fans. They're all super nice which makes me feel guilty for wishing they would go away. Instead I stand there smiling while Justin hugs everyone and takes pictures with them.

"Charlotte, will you follow me on Twitter?" a girl asks.

"Of course," I tell her and open my account right there. That's when the baby kicks really hard. "Ow," I gasp and push my hand against my side.

"What's wrong?" Justin pushes past the girl and covers my hand with his.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I insist. Justin looks like he doesn't believe me and of course the baby does it again.

"Charlotte?" Justin's got his worried look on.

"It's nothing," I insist but everyone around looks worried too. "Justin, it's fine," I try to think of a way to tell him what's going on without saying it out loud. Fortunately our son understand what I want and he kicks Justin just as hard as he's been kicking me.

"Oh," Justin laughs. He looks so relieved. "Well this is awkward," he says.

"I know," I nod.

"Who here can keep a secret?" Justin shouts. The restaurant gets silent. "I'm serious now, this is a really important secret. I know you were worried so I want to tell you but I don't want it to get out. Can you do that for me?"

Everyone promises and I practically hold my breath as Justin turns to me to make sure I'm okay with this. I don't think I have a choice.

"Go on," I tell him.

"We're having a baby," Justin says. "In about 4 more months, I'm gonna be a daddy," his voice breaks but the smile on his face is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. The restaurant is so quiet I can almost hear my heart beating but then someone starts clapping and soon everyone's clapping and cheering. Justin leans over to kiss me and puts his hands on my stomach.

Slowly everyone makes their way over to hug Justin again and then to hug me and pat my stomach. They all want pictures with me and my baby bump and I let them as they each promise not to share it.

"You know this means we basically have to tell everyone tonight," Justin points out when we finally get to sit down and eat.

"I know," I sigh. "I guess I can just stop reading what people say online."

"It might not be so bad," Justin shrugs. "Everyone here was nice."

"It's hard not to be nice when you're so happy," I point out. "They love seeing you smile and I've never seen you smile like you do when you talk about our baby."

"That's my boy," Justin laughs and reaches over to pat my stomach. It's almost weird letting him do that while we're in public but it's kind of nice too.

"So maybe we don't have to worry too much," I shrug. "I just don't know, I don't want anyone to say we shouldn't get married or that we should let someone adopt him."

"They're gonna say worse things than that, Charlotte," Justin sighs. "If it's going to hurt you then stay away. I've learned the hard way that people will always find the worst thing to say and make sure they say it the loudest."

"I just want more for our baby than that," I look down and beg myself not to cry.

"He'll never hear it, I promise," Justin says. "We'll keep him far away from all of that."

"Okay," I sniff and force myself to take a bite so I physically can't cry without choking. It works and I manage to calm down long enough to make it through our lunch.

Justin takes me shopping after we eat because if I'm going to tell everyone I'm pregnant I might as well start wearing clothes that actually fit me again instead of trying to find my most tent-like dresses. We sneak into the maternity stores by going into normal stores and having them let us through the back door of the stock room into the store next door. The stores are only too happy to let us use their bags to hide my new clothes.

As we're driving home my phone rings and I almost start crying again when I see that Sarah's calling me. I haven't had a real conversation with her practically since she left.

"Hey!" I say.

"Hi Charlotte," Sarah sounds just as excited as me.

"How are you? What's going on?" I ask.

"Jonas just told me we're coming to visit," Sarah says. "I'm so excited for you to meet him and Eliza."

"I'm excited to see you," I tell her the truth.

"And I get to see you pregnant," Sarah adds. "I keep waiting for pictures to show up online."

"Soon," I sigh. "We're telling everyone really soon."

"You know I pray for you and the baby every day," Sarah says, sounding really unlike my sister.

"Oh, um, thank you," I don't really know what to say to that.

"We all do," Sarah goes on. "It's a boy, right?"

"Yeah, we're having a boy," I take Justin's hand.

"Do you have a name?" Sarah asks.

"Not yet, we're still trying to decide," I tell her. "But what's going on with you? You've been kind of um, happy lately, I guess?"

"Yeah, you know," Sarah takes a deep breath. "I've just come to realize what's most important in life and I think that's really been good for me."

"Oh," I have absolutely no idea what my sister is talking about.

"Yeah, so that's just really put everything in perspective," Sarah says.

"I was worried when we saw the news about the FBI raiding Hills Canyon," I decide to change the subject because Sarah's obviously not going to explain what she's really thinking.

"Oh, right," Sarah sighs. "That was ugly but I think it's over now."

"What happened?" I can't believe she's not telling me anything.

"Well, you know the government is always trying to find excuses to come after us," Sarah says. "But everyone's fine, it's all okay."

"They wouldn't send the FBI for no reason," I insist.

"Maybe you should name the baby after Dad," Sarah's obviously not listening to me.

"You're insane," I tell her. "I hate him, I would never name our baby after him."

"You don't mean that," Sarah sighs. "You just need to remember who you are, Charlotte. I'll keep praying."

"You do that," I huff. I'm starting to wonder if there's any point in having her come to visit at all now. My sister has completely lost her mind. I've never heard her sound so brainwashed.

"I guess I should go, I just wanted to tell you how excited I am to come visit next month," Sarah says. "Love you, Charlie."

"Love you," I sigh and hang up my phone. I feel like screaming. "She's gone insane, Justin," I tell him.

"What do you mean?" Justin asks.

"She refused to answer any of my questions and just kept staying she was praying for us and that she's found some perspective," I can't believe it makes even less sense as I repeat it all to Justin.

"That doesn't sound right," Justin agrees.

"What have they done to my sister?" I ask. Justin sighs.

"I don't know, but maybe she was standing somewhere other people could hear her," Justin says.

"It sounded like she was serious," I hope he's right but I'm not convinced.

"Let's hope there's a good explanation for this," Justin pulls into our driveway. "Hey, it looks like everyone's gone."

"Oh, do you think the room is finished?" I ask him.

"I think so," Justin's barely able to turn the car off before he jumps out. I'm just as excited and it's hard not to run right up to the baby's room.

"Justin, look," I gasp when I get there. The room is done and it's absolutely perfect. There are cute little monsters tucked everywhere and I can already picture myself sitting in the rocking chair with our little boy.

"Aw, yeah," Justin looks at everything. "Do you like it?" he asks.

"I love it, it's perfect," I tell him. "You should post a picture of it," I suggest.

"Are you serious?" Justin's eyes get really wide.

"Yeah, let's just put it out there," I nod. "Might as well tell everyone, right?"

"I guess they're going to know soon if anyone at lunch talks," Justin says. "I can't just post a picture of the room though, I have to do something sneaky."

"Well, what if you make a video?" I suggest.

"Hmm," Justin thinks for a second. "That might work," he says and rushes out of the room.

I can hear him running around downstairs and then going in and out of the house. Several minutes go by while he does whatever it is he's doing and then he comes running back up to the room. He holds his phone up and motions for me to turn sideways.

"What are you doing?" I laugh.

"Just pull your dress back so I can see the baby," Justin says. I put one hand on top of my stomach and one underneath and Justin takes a little video of that and then he turns to the framed picture of the ultrasound and takes some video of that too. He grins and holds the phone out so I can see his finished work.

It's a really cute idea – he's taken video of all kinds of different places and then put things inside them. Like he took footage of the garage and then put his car back inside it and did the same thing with the fridge and a carton of milk. The last thing he shows is my stomach and then a picture of our baby inside it.

"Are you crying at my Instagram video?" Justin laughs.

"No!" I insist but I totally am.

"So does that mean I can post it?" Justin asks.

"Yeah, it's perfect," I smile and rub my stomach. Our baby gives me three little taps and I tap right back.

"Okay, done," Justin says. "Now we wait."

"Oh my gosh," I'm a little lightheaded but mostly just excited. There are no more big secrets left. Justin and I finally have our chance to live the truth.