Infinitely

Charlotte, Is It True?

"I should go," Justin groans as he starts to sit up. "It's late."

"Yeah," I sigh just before he leans over to kiss me. Neither one of us pulls away and before long I can feel Justin's tongue pushing into my mouth.

"Or I could stay," Justin is as out of breath as I am when he finally stops kissing me.

"Two nights in a row?" I remind him of our deal, as much as I don't want to.

"Yeah, I know," Justin sighs. "32 more days and you won't be able to kick me out ever again," he grins and continues kissing me.

"I'm counting too," I admit when I can speak again. In just over a month Justin and I are officially moving in together. As soon as we agreed to stop keeping secrets from the public and live our lives as honestly as we could - and as soon as Justin realized I was serious that as long as he wanted people to think we lived in separate houses that I would make him actually live in his own house - Justin rushed out and found us a new house we could move into together. One week later we bought the house and in just 32 days we'll have the keys.

And in 32 days it's going to get very hard to hide the fact that there's more than one reason for our move. I've already had to give up on most of my jeans but almost everyone who knows promises me you can't tell I'm 4 months pregnant. As much as I'm tired of keeping secrets, this is one Justin and I want to keep to ourselves as long as we can. No one's really sure how the public will react but we can all guess it won't be the greatest or easiest reaction to handle.

I try to keep myself from thinking about it much and instead I focus on the way Justin's kissing me. It's changed lately and I can't quite explain how but it's almost like his kisses are more meaningful. They're also happening a lot more often and I'm definitely not complaining. It feels just like it did when Justin and I first got married.

"Maybe you should stay," I decide after a few more minutes of this.

"No, I should go. I'm going," Justin gets up and helps me to my feet. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright," I sigh as he starts walking to the door, holding my hand the whole way.

"We can do breakfast before my interview tomorrow," Justin suggests.

"Yeah, okay," I agree. Justin leans in to kiss me again. I'm about ready to beg him to stay when he reaches out to open the front door. Photographers are lining the street. He has to go.

"Goodnight, Charlotte," Justin whispers, kissing me one last time before he starts running to his car. I shut the door and watchfrom the window to make sure he gets off my street safely. Just a little while longer before we move into a house in a gated community where he won't have to face that anymore.

I used to be really bothered by having an empty house but now it seems completely normal. The quiet is relaxing and it no longer feels like I need to spend every single minute of my day doing something. But tonight there really is something I need to do.

In a drawer in the kitchen is a letter from the only college I got into last year after graduation. With everything going on in our lives I told them I wouldn't be coming. But things are different now – very different – and I haven't told Justin yet but last week I called the admissions office and asked if there was any way I could reapply. I guess colleges are getting hit by the economy too because they agreed and I had an acceptance letter just 3 days after I turned in my application.

Now I have to decide again. Do I sign up for classes? Which ones? Because even though a lot happened this past year I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. All I know is that I don't want to sit around doing nothing all day. Justin's had a break because he just got done touring but that won't last. If anything he's going to have to spend more time working now to prove to his fans that he won't leave them just because he got his stupid girlfriend knocked up. I need something other than hanging out with our baby to keep me busy.