Infinitely

Trust, Charlotte

I peek into the baby's room when I get home from class that afternoon and see Justin staring out the window. His guitar is on the floor with his notebooks strewn everywhere. It's been about a week since he posted the video to Instagram and things have not gone well for us.

As I expected, most of Justin's fans are devastated. It was hard enough trying to handle the idea of him getting married but to see him having a baby too is too much. No one says it but I think there were a lot of people who hoped we wouldn't go through with the wedding. Almost everyone blames me, saying I've trapped him into marrying me by getting pregnant on purpose. Plenty of people insist I'm not even carrying Justin's baby but someone else's – if I'm even really pregnant.

I've started wearing clothes that let my stomach show. Justin's publicist thinks we should go to the beach so people can see my naked belly and know that it's real but I can't bring myself to show off that much of my body. Now that our secret is out I almost wish we could take it back.

The kids at school still avoid me, but they don't hide their stares anymore. They've always seen me as a freak but now it's worse. I'd never really hoped to make friends with anyone in my classes but no one even speaks to me these days. It's like they think I should go into hiding or something.

"Hey, do you want to go get dinner?" I ask. Justin sighs but doesn't look away from the window.

"I have to film an interview, I should probably leave soon," he says.

"Alright," I nod. He doesn't move so I figure I should just leave him standing there.

I go downstairs to find a snack because these days I'm hungry all the time. While I'm eating I look through news articles from Utah to see if I can figure out what's going on with my father. There hasn't been anything new really posted but I keep reading anyway, trying to understand. It sounds like the FBI started watching my grandfather and since his death they've been keeping tabs on my father. But no one has come out and said what they've done. Polygamy is illegal but the FBI wouldn't get involved over something as minor as that.

When I get frustrated with that I start looking through Sarah's accounts. She's such a mystery these days but I feel like the only person who's noticed the change. Justin retweeted one of the quotes she posted and she gained another millionfollowers. Meanwhile I have to ignore my mentions because all I'll see is people telling me that I'm ruining Justin's life.

"Alright, I'm going," Justin has to walk through the kitchen to get to the garage.

"I love you," I tell him as I watch him walk by. He mumbles something back at me and I think it's "I love you too" but I can't be sure. The door slams behind him as he leaves and I sit there staring for a few seconds. I know he's having a hard time and I wish I knew how to cheer him up.

My stomach growls at me even though I've just eaten and I sigh. There's not really anything in the house I feel like eating. For some reason all that sounds good to me lately are sweet things. I don't really want to go out alone so I make myself look through the pantry and the fridge again. Nothing looks good but I do notice that we have all the ingredients to make my favorite cookies.

Once I've realized I could make cookies I can't get the thought off my mind. Eventually I give up and just make them. It at least takes up part of my afternoon so I don't have to think up something to do with all my free time.

I've just decided I should at least try to do my homework when my phone starts ringing. It's Selena.

"Hey," I'm kind of surprised to hear from her though I don't really know why.

"What are you doing tonight?" she asks.

"I don't know, just waiting for Justin to get home, I guess," I shrug.