Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel, What If?

Take My Horse To The Old Town Road

The family trip to Loo Loo Land was a disaster; not just because Blitz picked a fight with a robotic clown and burned the place down. And it didn't help that Blitz learned that his sister had won a stuffed toy version of the robot for Spiroz. The little guy never slept without it; Blitz learned that the hard way. He tried to take it from his son during his nap but the little guy instantly woke up and bit Blitz's hand until he released the toy. Since then, he had to swallow his pride and let his son sleep with that toy. Barb, on the other hand, was laughing at her brother's failed attempt to steal a toy from his own child.

One afternoon on the weekend, during lunch, Loona and Octavia were watching videos on Voxgram and Barb was helping Blitz feed the twins. Stolas came into the dining room dressed in horse riding gear. Octavia almost fell out of her seat seeing her father dressed like that. Blitz on the other hand was looking at Stolas like a snack. "What's with that getup?" Barb asked.

"Well after the Loo Loo Land disaster, I thought we might need another family day out. The whole family." Stolas stated, eyeing Loona.

"And you're dressed like a dork because...?" Loona asked.

"Please tell me you did not just sign all of us up for horse riding lessons." Octavia groaned, knowing where this was going.

Before Stolas could speak, Blitz tackled Stolas to the ground and smothered him in kisses. Of course, Stolas had signed everyone up for horse riding lessons. "Did I mention that I love you?" Blitz asked.

"Almost every day, Blitzy," Stolas replied. "Consider this a gift."

Loona and Octavia groaned knowing well that when it comes to horses, there was no stopping Blitz. Even Barb can vouch for that part; she remembers when they were kids, Blitz was always playing with the horses that they had at the circus. Loona tried to come up with an excuse to ditch the riding lessons but Blitz put his foot down. They were all going and spending time together as a family. To make things worse for Loona and Octavia, Blitz had brought riding clothes for them, even little cowboy and cowgirl hats for the twins. While Octavia was willing to wear the clothes; Loona cringed and refused to wear them.

Octavia took the riding clothes and then went to her room to change. Blitz put the little hats on Spiroz and Helia then he handed Loona her riding clothes. Loona faked a smile then she went up to her room and then tossed the clothes in the dustbin. "I won't look like a dork in public," Loona muttered.

Well, she was so wrong. Blitz knew that Loona would throw away the riding outfit and the next thing she knew, Blitz came into her room and grabbed the riding outfit. Blitz managed to tackle Loona and forcefully put the riding outfit on her. She squirmed and pulled at the clothes at least five times. At least until she got tired and let Blitz put the outfit on her. Blitz then took the opportunity to tie up Loona's hair in a bun. When the two of them came out, Octavia had to cover her mouth from laughter at Loona. Stolas thought Loona looked adorable in the riding outfit while Barb felt a little sympathetic towards her niece.

Stolas opened a portal to the Wrath Ring where the Goetia Family had their ranch and stables. Barb made sure to pack the baby bag then they all walked through the portal. Loona groaned, hoping no one would see her in the outfit. Blitz's eyes widened with stars; he had never seen so many horses. Stolas was glad that the horse riding lessons were the perfect gift for his husband. Barb held Spiroz in her arms, looking at some of the horses and keeping an eye on her nephew. Octavia and Loona were out riding, Loona even took Helia with them so Blitz and Stolas could have some alone time together.

Things were going well and the family was having a great time until disaster hit. Barb was admiring one of the horses and even showed Spiroz how to gently pet them. But just as Barb was about to touch the horse, someone let out a loud shriek. Barb turned around to see two members of the Goetia family. Ever since Stolas married Blitz, he cut all ties with the Goetia family, including his asshole of a father. But that didn't stop them from making sly comments on Stolas and his family. One of them marched up to Barb and started demanding her to fetch them their horses like she was their servant.

"Get them yourself. I'm here with my nephew and nieces." Barb stated.

She walked away from the Goetia pricks and joined Blitz and Stolas. Loona, Helia, and Octavia were coming back from their ride. Just then the same Goetia pricks came out then one of them threw a stone at Loona's horse. The horse went crazy and bucked Loona off its back. She ended up landing on her arm which sent both Blitz and Stolas into panicked father mode. When Blitz saw the same jerks laughing at them calling Loona a dirty mongrel and that Stolas was an idiot for marrying a low-class imp, there were flames in his eyes. He marched over to them and challenged them to a race to shut them up.

The two Goetians agreed to the race. They all grabbed which horses to ride on for the race then they stayed at the stable entrance. One lap around and back, the first one to finish is the winner. Stolas gave Blitz a good luck kiss and whispered in his ear, "Make them suffer."

The race started, and Blitz was in the lead while the Goetias were behind him. Blitz was fast on the horse, not giving the pricks a chance to try and pass him. Blitz had made it past a sharp turn but the goetias didn't make it around the sharp turn. They ended up falling off their horses and landed in a huge pile of manure. "Ha! Hope you like eating shit, dumbasses!" Blitz shouted.

Blitz won the race and the Goetia pricks ended up leaving smelling like the shit that they are. Stolas ran up to Blitz and kissed him on the lips, passionately. Loona and Octavia covered their little siblings' eyes to spare them.