10 months, 10 chances || Minsung

02

"Alright, I'll give you ten"

Minho got visibly confused by his statement. How would Jisung give him ten chances? Like if he fucks up he still has nine or what did he mean by that?

You can tell that Jisung has kind of a click moment, now that he looks at Minho's totally confused face. He really doesn't want to talk much but it looks like he has to. Right now Jisung could curse himself that he didn't just say yes or something similar to it.

"I'm not good at opening up, to be honest I'm really bad"
Could he count this as one fact about himself? Probably not, it's just something all of his friends could notice. So how would he explain his stupid plan?

"I was thinking about, I mean you want to get to know me right?" Jisung would rather stay for himself now and not talk at all, but because of the concentration he has to get to think about sharing his plan, the only signs of the panic attack he had, were the half-dried tear stains and slightly puffed, red eyes. Even his breathing was on it's way to a steady pace.

The nod he receives from Minho is his sign to go on, so he just reorganizes his thoughts for a little so that he doesn't have to stop in his explanation to think about what to say.
"Well I could tell you something about me, specifically ten stories or something about me, you know? But I'm not fast in telling stuff about me so I was kinda thinking that we could just take some time? To be honest, I think I have ten things I could tell you about me but I can't just talk without thinking how to say something, if you know what I mean."

Jisung was so proud of himself, that he could manage to talk so much and it gives him some self-consciousness, that he can just continue to explain himself fluently.

"It's ten things because I feel like that's an amount of stuff about me, that I can manage to tell you. But I would rather take around ten months if that's okay? Because if I have time I can see how much I can trust you, you know? It's not that I don't like you it's just that I'm not that comfortable about telling things about myself. So I need time to think about what to say to get a feeling for what I can tell you since we only know each other around one month. And after I told you everything I have in mind, you can choose whether you like me or not just please don't spill what I'll tell you."

After telling this, Jisung was so surprised from himself because he never really talked that much to someone, it was only like some words and then the other person interrupted or answered. But Minho didn't seem as if he wanted to interrupt Jisung, he seemed more like listening with interest and that was the comfort Jisung needed to talk freely.

Minho is that kind of person who would never allow himself to talk behind people's backs and not even think about spilling their secrets, or what they want him to keep to himself. So the idea Jisung just told him, sounds really good to him.

"Of course, yeah sure. I would never spill, I can totally promise you that. And don't rush yourself, you don't even have to tell me at all because the most important thing for me is that you're comfortable with telling me, so take your time, please."

Now that Jisung heard this, he felt somehow good in Minho's presence. "I just can't promise you that I can tell you what today was about."

"That's completely fine with me, you don't have to tell me something you're not comfortable with. Would you be okay with going to lunch? I think our friends are waiting for us."

He was scared to see Changbin again. If it would be possible, Jisung would rather not go but Minho was so kind and understanding that he can't just say no and even more after he noticed that Minho is hungry, so he just nods because he doesn't want his voice to betray him with starting to shake again.

It only took them around two minutes until they arrived in the cafeteria, Minho goes to the counter where you can take some food, while Jisung just goes to his friends and sits down next to Felix, avoiding to look at Changbin at all costs. Felix got excited when his birthday twin sat down next to him, he was happy to see him again but he's also wondering what took him and Minho so long. "Where were youuu? Your classroom is like only some seconds away from here."

So what should he say now? He can't just out Changbin and besides that he could never expose that he cried, Jisung is just to scared to let them in, he can't do that. "Sorta had to talk about something with the principal, not a big deal." Seems like it was a good explanation because now Felix starts to talk to Hyunjin about something that Jisung doesn't hear, because he started to zone out as soon as he wasn't spoken to anymore.

In the ankle of his eyes he could see a tray with food that is getting put down and some blurred voices, that he decides to identify as his friends talking to each other. Jisung snaps out of it when he felt a light push from Felix who tells him that Chan just spoke to him. "Ji, I asked if you're not hungry? I haven't seen you eat all day" Oh. So you could consider it as the point where he regrets getting here because now all eyes of his friends were on him and no talking around their table could be heard.

"I'm not hungry right now, I ate really much before I got here" Literally feeling Changbin's glare on him makes him feel really uncomfortable, because he never specified his feelings but he mentioned some things here and there. "Yeah that was already some hours ago, just eat something it's not that much of a deal, or do you want to be a burden to us by fainting?"

Changbin was always talking to Jisung like that when he was annoyed, but Jisung always knew if he was being serious or not. Now the only thing he felt by these words were hatred and that hurts him. The familiar feeling of tears building up in his eyes makes Jisung keeping his head down. He has to react somehow because no one is going to stand up for him since no one knows about his struggles, that's something he knows for sure.

Since being a burden to someone is the worst thing Jisung could imagine, he slowly starts to shake his head trying to form some words but he could only mumble, that he feels sick. Soon after his words, the curious faces around him turned into worried ones, except Changbin's.

"Maybe you should head home then, shouldn't you?" Felix really is Jisung's hero now, ever since he noticed Changbin looking at him he wanted to escape the situation. So he does. "Yeah right, see you tomorrow" That is the last thing he gets to say to his friends before he stands up, practically running out of the cafeteria.

Now that he's out of reach of his friends, he doesn't have to hold his limbs back from shaking and his tears from falling. He goes out of his school, listening to music and walking really slow because he knows that his dad is still home due he only works in the evening and an encounter with his dad is the last thing he needs now.