10 months, 10 chances || Minsung

20

"Okay drama queen of course you are" Felix giggled, going down from Hyunjin's back.

Little did Felix know just how much truth stood behind those words. Hyunjin wasn't just joking, and he also wasn't just saying what he thought would be funny in that moment. He thought when they were having fun would be a good time to tell him what he really feels.

And that made him sad. Like did Felix just not care enough? Or he understood it, just he didn't feel the same so he brushed it off?

This whole situation made Hyunjin swallow, why did he have to say something again? He felt like he was radiating an awkward tension. But he wasn't, he couldn't be when Felix was all giggly over some butterflies landing on a leaf next to them. Or Felix was just ignoring it and trying to make the situation better.

Which he didn't, by the way. For Hyunjin it was like watching Felix being happy because of the little things in front of him, but he himself had nothing to do with it, and he wanted to make Felix so happy like the butterflies make him.

Hyunjin just tried to push that away until he's alone again, he wanted to talk to him and make him laugh and enjoy the rest of the day with him, in a cozy atmosphere, no tension at all.

Then he took his hand, walking him towards a pretty little lake that had ducks swimming on it.

"Have you ever thought about butterflies so intense that it makes you sad?" Felix asked while he looked over to Hyunjin, just sitting down in his arms when Hyunjin opened them.

"Why would it make you sad? They are so pretty"

"Yes they are for sure, I'm not doubting that. But just imagine, they take around two weeks to develop their beauty and hatch, only to die after around the same amount of time. And they'll never be able to see their beauty. They take those weeks to turn into beautiful butterflies but they can't see if they succeeded. Only others can see their beauty, never they themselves. But they can be such an inspiration because even if they don't see how beautiful they are, they keep going with their life, without knowing their true beauty. I think in that they are way more educated than humans and that's what makes them so special in my eyes"

"I love how you think, I never really thought about that. I kinda get what you meant in getting sad when you think about it, I wish they could see themselves"

"But, I think maybe that could be similar with humans then, I mean maybe they see themselves but don't see their beauty. That would maybe just make them sad so they can't keep going like before, when I get older I think I wanna get a butterfly tattoo on my wrist. They have so much meaning to me I'm not even sure when that started" halfway through Felix talking a butterfly sat down on his hand.

"If there's the chance to be reborn, I wish I can be reborn as a butterfly so I can be an inspiration for people" he continued looking down at the butterfly, which took its leave when a raindrop fell down next to it, making Felix look up to Hyunjin.

The stars in his eyes were literally shining, that's the first thing Hyunjin noticed about him in that second, just before Felix jumped up pulling him up too.

"Let's dance in the rain Hyunjin" he's always wanted to do that, but whenever he was outside, it didn't rain. He also told that Hyunjin once, so of course he would dance with him. He couldn't let Felix down. Because seeing him happy was all it took to forget everything that made him feel bad.

It was like therapy for him.

Their music being the rain that falls onto the leaves, how they dance completely made up. It was like one of those feelings when you would come home without any tasks to do. In that moment they felt like arriving home.

Home, in each other's arms with the light chilly wind surrounding them and rain overriding the sound of their hearts beating so fast while they were hugging.

"Felix I wasn't making a joke earlier"

At least when they're in the rain Felix wouldn't hear his heart shatter or see tears dripping down from his face, if he would end up being hurt.

Felix froze. Not because he doesn't feel the same but because he's scared he understood it the wrong way.

"You mean the butterflies or-"

"I mean that I am in love with you"

Felix blushed, well yeah they did some things you would do in a relationship, and they slept over almost every weekend. Both having their own toothbrush at the other's house and a little space in the closet from the other but they never really said that they love each other.

They also never labeled it. They always acted like that couple that's together since centuries but they've never said anything like that.

Albeit it felt so naturally for them to be so close, they've always been scared about labeling their 'thing'. Acting like a couple is in way more things different than being one. Steal a kiss would mean more, because they would know what's behind it. True love and affection. 

But nothing would really change, besides that they wouldn't introduce the other as their best friend, but boyfriend.

They sure as hell were scared to get hurt but over time they would be more hurt if they just ignore their feelings and continue. That was what Felix thought about most of the time, when they acted like a couple there's no security that the other wouldn't run off to someone else.

Hyunjin already made sure he was willing to take the risk of getting hurt in order to be with Felix, but did he thought everything through? What if Hyunjin saying that, was just the heat of the moment and he was already regretting it?

Overthinking every little tiny bit always made Felix insecure, especially about something like this, he would just think so much in it that his own thinking wouldn't make sense to him anymore.

But he could trust Hyunjin and he knew that, deep down in his heart where it felt like every negative thing he just thought about, seemed to disappear.

"I love you too"