10 months, 10 chances || Minsung

03

Jisung really tried to find ways so he can delay going home to his dad. It really is the worst, he only wants to crawl under his blankets, yet he has to deal with his dad at first.

Eventually he approaches the stairs to his home, taking out his keys and trying to fumble it into the lock to turn it around. With every move he does, he tries to be as quiet as he can so maybe his dad won't notice him.

Well, unfortunately luck wasn't on his side because the second he enters the house he hears footsteps coming closer and a voice he didn't want to hear at all.

„Why are you not in school?" Six words, angrily spit out and Jisung immediately knew where this would lead to. What if he could prevent it? He was never able to do this but this time it could be different, right?

„I feel sick and the teachers sent me home" How could he learn to read the expressions of his dad faster? Doing this could be really helpful when you think about the mental preparations Jisung could do.
„Really? They did? Because when they called me it sounded like you ran away"

‼️Triggerwarning: abuse and mentions of death

That's bad. Really bad to be more specific. Skipping classes and lying? Now this can be considered as a fucked up coming home. If you were questioning the mental preparation I was mentioning earlier, here's what I mean: Jisung didn't even notice how fast his dad was really close to him, neither did he see the punch in his stomach coming.

„So isn't it enough that you killed my wife? What do you want more, embarrass me for having a disgusting fag as a son?" Another punch. That's all his dad could ever do: punch him to relieve his anger, talk shit to him to lower Jisung's self-esteem and make him feel worse.

Thinking about this, what is Jisung supposed to do now? Nothing. Like every time when his dad starts this shit he stays silent, tries to not make it worse than it already is and the most important thing he does is holding back his tears.

Because every time he cried, ever, his dad made sure to talks shit about him with him. Only to make him feel bad, and that he made sure he taught his son „lessons" about life. Which would be something like 'don't cry or do you want to end up as a fag?' and that was only when Jisung was around nine and hurt his hand by closing the fridge when his hand was still in it.

Or when he turned thirteen and he was trying to cook some meals out of boredom. His dad never wanted him to eat what he made because Jisung would get 'fat' even though he was the in the average of weight.

His dad always made sure that Jisung's mom was never there when he said such things and he also made sure that Jisung wouldn't spill.

So I think by hearing this you can tell that everything got worse when Jisung's mom died when he was only fourteen, three years ago. Since that day, his dad didn't have to be careful about what he said anymore so he started to do it regularly. At first it was only accusing Jisung that he killed his mom but after some weeks, punching was added to the shit talking and this whole new situation made Jisung feel unlovable and insecure.

As if he wouldn't feel guilty enough for the death of his mother, his dad has to add liquor to the flame. All the fucking time. The day Jisung's mother died, was the worst day in his life. He could get beaten up, bullied or talked shit to but it could never beat the death of his mom.

The morning was so perfect, Jisung and his parents had breakfast like you only see it in the movies because they decided to spoil him a bit. Even Juwoon, his dad, was really nice to him, well when Sujin, his mom, was with them, he was always nice to him so he won't get caught. But this morning it was a more sincere being nice.

Jisung had a school project over weeks and he had to present it this day, so since he is a bit anxious about presentations Sujin decided to walk him to school, which wasn't a problem due their home is only a five minute walk away from the school he went to.

When they started to wave their goodbyes, Jisung thought about the presentation and if he has everything he would need. Unfortunately he didn't, he forgot his USB stick with the whole presentation on it. His mom, being the best mom he could have, offered to run back home to get the stick for him and he should go to his class to prepare everything else, she would just come to him with the stick.

Little did Jisung know. He was in class, impatiently looking at the door, waiting for his mom to be his savior. The situation seemed a bit odd to him, why would it take her more than ten minutes if she's running?

Time passed and finally, after another twenty minutes, the door opened. Not revealing his mom and savior, two policemen stepped into the class searching for Han Jisung instead. That was the moment he definitely knew something wasn't right, their sad expressions could be felt everywhere across the room and it made something, or rather his heart, crack inside his dainty body.

They escorted him outside the class, just to tell him that his mother got hit by a car. The little crack got bigger until it hurt him and broke his heart, so when the realization hit he felt guilty, for not looking if he had everything when he was still home because if he would, he wouldn't have forgotten his USB stick and Sujin wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get it for him, careless.

Until now Juwoon always makes sure to remind him, remind him what a bad person he is, remind him how he killed his mom, remind him that no one would love him if he looks like this and remind him that he isn't good for anything, because how could you be so stupid to forget your USB stick?

Jisung knows, Juwoon doesn't have to remind him every day. The guilt he feels every day is enough for him, why would his dad, who is supposed to be there for him and love him, make him feel like this? It just doesn't get in his head.

Being abused by his dad feels like hours, when in reality it was only twenty minutes. Jisung was lying at the floor, after his dad just hit the shit out of him, carefully only at places no one could see. He needs his bed now, more than anything else. Skipping lunch, since Juwoon wouldn't let him eat lunch anyways, he goes upstairs to his room and looks in the little mirror besides his closet.

‼️End of the Triggerwarning

His thoughts going crazy by looking at himself.
I'm such a disgusting piece of shit
So is he? For anyone else probably not, but himself, dear god for himself he is the worst person on earth.

Finally, after the longest day in his life he can lie down in his bed, letting the tears escape his eyes and cuddling into the blankets.