10 months, 10 chances || Minsung

33

So back to the cafe where they meet every year. For Jisung. Who's still alive.

"Your boyfriend? You never told us" Felix was smiling for Seungmin, but Chan couldn't. He was still waiting and hoping, sure he said he wants Seungmin to live up to the full experience, but he never thought it would turn out like this. It's no question, he would always be happy for Seungmin but it was hurting a little too much right now that he could just smile.

"It's not that long yet, not even four months so I think I just didn't really uh think about telling you?"

Or he just didn't want to tell them because he knew Chan would know after that and he didn't want that.

When he went to college he went there with his mind totally fixed on Chan. Go to college, graduate, go back to Chan. That was his plan.

But he got a crush at a party. He just couldn't say that it's love, maybe he just missed being close to someone, feeling loved.

He definitely couldn't know what he got himself into though.

And he was blind for another six months. Even though he kind of loved Brian, the love for Chan deep down in his heart wouldn't go away. He realized that way too late. Because when he did, he was already lying in his bed all left alone. Seungmin was that person to keep his first time for his special other half.

It wasn't Brian, maybe when they were on the phone with Seungmin's friends it looked like they just fucked, but only they knew that it was just a hot shower that they took.

Because Seungmin wanted to keep his first time for Chan, not for Brian. But now he couldn't change anything anymore. He never experienced a feeling like that, Brian treated him like trash and now he definitely felt like it.

There was always the feeling in the back of his mind that he shouldn't let Brian in so much because ever since day one Brian made pretty obvious what he wanted from Seungmin, and after some time it should've been obvious to Seungmin that Brian was just playing a game with the whole 'I love you' dating stuff. A game where he wins when he would get to take Seungmin's first time away from him.

And he did in the worst way possible.

It wasn't all romantic how Seungmin imagined it would be with Chan, it should've been gentle and sweet, full of love for each other. Instead his hands were forcefully pressed into the pillow and Brian held him in place. He didn't even react when Seungmin asked him not to, or when he cried and begged him to stop. It only looked like his pain would bring Brian joy.

So there he was all curled up in the corner of his bed. Alone, all his friends were in a different country, his family away from him and the only "friend" he found just raped him. He also didn't want to just call anyone since he was certain they would be asleep by now. And when he's honest with himself, Seungmin also doesn't feel like he deserves to call them. Ever since he's in America they reached out to him but he always kept his replies short.

It wasn't like he wouldn't want to talk to them, he missed them too much and he knew if he would spend more time with them he would just get a flight and go back. But he still had so long to go that he couldn't risk that. That's what's different now, it was only some more months until he would graduate and he could just ask to take the classes online and go back home due to personal reasons and fly back only for the time he had the exams.

Going to America to study there was something he imagined way better, find many friends to go to concerts with them, hang out, have study dates with some friends. But he had none of that. When his friends asked how America is, he'd say that it's exciting he's going to that concert and there is a party on this weekend. Just that in reality the only thing he did was studying alone in his room and reading, sometimes he would hang out with Brian but most of the time he was alone.

It was embarrassing enough to go to his classes the next day but it was even more embarrassing to see how people would turn to him and whisper to each other like he did something wrong but he couldn't recall doing that.

Only when a nice girl walked up to him some days later to tell him how Brian told everyone Seungmin would be a slut and fuck around, that he cheated on Brian and broke up, he took that as a sign to go. He wouldn't think about the point that with his absence people would probably think that everything is true. They would never see him again anyway so why would he care about that. The only thing he wanted and needed was being with his friends, with Chan.

Seungmin felt a bit egoistic that he dated someone else and still hoped they could somewhat continue.

But still, the moment he got his things and walked out of the airpot his thumb immediately moved to call Chan. He had his jacket in his suitcase and was only wearing a hoodie but due to the rain he couldn't just open his suitcase to get a jacket out, so he was freezing and drenched while waiting for Chan to pick up.

He didn't really expect him to take the call, it was three in the morning and most people would be asleep by now. But the moment he took his phone down to hang up, he heard his name and lifted it back up, exhaling shakily as he heard Chan's sweet voice.

"How are you? Did you have a course? It should be 2pm at yours right? How was it?"

And Seungmin wanted to cry, Chan always tried his best. He reached out, always knew how late it would be so that if he will call it's not too late for Seungmin already. But he dated someone else and felt pretty bad about it.

"Seungmin? Are you there?"

He missed Chan's voice so much and hearing it now again after a while just did something to him. Seungmin couldn't do anything else than let out a sob and then just a second after he crouched down and lied his hand on his forehead.

"Where are you what happened? Are you hurt?"

"Can you- can you please come pick me up? I'm in Gimpo"