10 months, 10 chances || Minsung

29

"You're crazy" it was merely a bare whisper, Changbin's voice echoing through the hallway of the school.

"I don't want to stay with him any longer what's your deal?"

"Come on it's funny as fuck, just play a little with him then break his heart" another voice, but he didn't know who it was he's never seen his face.

"I feel sorry for Jisung okay? I don't want to hurt him any further"

"Changbin you don't have a choice and you know what I mean"

"But-"

"No buts, do it"

And then it was silent for a while before a sigh was heard and Changbin agreed, then the unknown person went away giving Minho the chance to talk to him.

"Changbin"

He was visibly startled by the sudden voice and turned around, the moment he saw Minho, Changbin went pale as if he had just seen a ghost.

"What the fuck was that?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not talking about you being into guys or anything if you're scared about that. I'm talking about how I saw you kissing Jisung but I also saw you kissing that guy just now, so tell me what the hell you plan on doing to Jisung"

Changbin let his shoulders down talking way quieter than before
"I've been with the guy you just saw since pretty long and some time ago he asked me to ask Jisung out to break his heart because apparently some friend of his wants that. He said if I won't he'll break up with me"

"But you do know if he's threatening you about breaking up with you he never loved you in the first place right?"

And when Changbin just looked at him with wide eyes, Minho cursed under his breath.

"God damn it Changbin break up with Jisung, tell him the truth and don't let a detail out, he deserves to know don't you think? And I swear if you won't do it I'll tell everyone about that thing you have and I don't care if I'm gonna out you with that"

Then Minho woke up, it's always been the same dream over and over again. As if something wants to remind him all the time when exactly he fucked up. But at the time he did it he felt so right about it, he wanted to protect Jisung and now he lost him.

Just like every year on the day he lost Jisung, Minho put lilacs next to a picture of him. They were his favorite flowers, just like daisies but it's enough to put them there every other day. Just for his birthday and the day he vanished Minho put lilacs to his picture, he thought Jisung deserved something special for his special days.

He'd put strawberries there too if Jisung would be able to eat them. God how much he missed feeding Jisung strawberries or holding him, watching their favorite movie together, howl's moving castle.

If he had just searched more, he could've found him if they were faster or more people. He'd never have to lose Jisung, all their friends never had to lose Jisung, neither did Aera and Yijun. It was all his fault, he upset Jisung, he made Jisung kill himself, everything happened all because of him.

They all usually meet up every year on that day, but today Minho really didn't feel it. He couldn't just not go though this is about Jisung, the one that still has his whole heart after four years. And his love just grew stronger after every memory he replayed in his head.

Jisung wasn't there anymore, though Minho felt his presence, maybe he just went crazy who knows? But he talked to Jisung, all the time. How his day was, what made him happy, how much he misses and loves Jisung, he talked about his insecurities. That his parents were just about to get divorced but when they realized they wouldn't be together anymore, they talked it out and are now happier than ever. That could be Minho and Jisung, if Minho didn't fuck up big time.

Wherever Minho goes, Jisung is with him, that's what Minho tells himself, so when he bought his apartment last year he made sure imaginary Jisung agreed with it. Minho had a little garden, which was big enough to plant some daisies and strawberries. Daisies to put them next to Jisung's picture and strawberries if Jisung decided to come back or reincarnate in an animal that comes to steal them. In every universe, he would want Jisung to have them, he wouldn't eat them himself, Minho would wait until they're ripe wait another day or two and if Jisung didn't get them, he'd give them to children who don't have enough food.

Minho also got a cat, he didn't want to live alone and when he saw the little kitten abandoned on the street he couldn't resist to take it to the vet and adopt it. Ever since then he and Soonie are inseparable.

Like every day when Minho took the first steps Soonie came to circle around his legs until Minho would finally crouch down, pet Soonie's head and give him the well deserved food he absolutely needed after just being cute the whole time.

He just wished Jisung would have a chance to see that.

It was the what if questions that were keeping Minho up all night like, what if he never told Jisung about it? They could live together now and have a life, they confessed after all. It was just the damned guilt that made Minho say it. What if he never heard Changbin in the first place? There would be no guilt that would have make him say it, but would there have been love or a friendship if he didn't find Jisung that day? Maybe he would've found him another day, but would he have been hurt more later?

That's the circle, falling asleep to those questions, dreaming about Jisung either good or bad, feeding Soonie, going to work. He's been working as a dance teacher ever since they graduated and he really enjoyed it but sometimes he just had to take a day off, call in sick and just lie in bed to rant to the imaginary Jisung. It really helped him and maybe Jisung could hear it and silently respond. Minho would sometimes just chuckle when the started to think about a comment Jisung would bring.

But every year they all took a day off to meet in Jisung's favorite café. It's a place Jisung appreciated and it's a cat café, according to a story from him, his parents often went there with him as a child and made up funny stories about the cats that live there.

Minho really missed his stories, he loved listening to Jisung it was his favorite thing to do and now all he could do was remember him in different things, like this café.

He went over to the booth where his friends were waiting for him. He really missed them a lot but it felt so strange without Jisung and Seungmin being with them.