Surviving the O'Neal boys

Chapter 20

I wake up and see Nathan next to me. I know I remember a little, but not enough. All I know is I can't stop thinking about Connor.

Connor wasn't a pain in the ass like typical siblings. He listened, cared, was never mean. He was perfect. Everyone loved him and he had girls lined up to date him. He kept his hair blond/brown hair short and had greenish grey eyes. His smile could have lit up the room and he definitely was charming. He never back talked and did what he was told. He was the only one who understood me and the only one who knew how to make me feel better. He stayed in shape but I wouldn't have cared if he didn't.

Connor was then full package. He had muscles, charm, a good sense of humor, caring, basically perfect. He made sure I was never cheated out of something and got everything I deserved. He was really overprotective and would lash out at someone if they even looked at me weird. I loved my brother. I still do, I just... I don't know what to do anymore.

If he were here I wouldn't be dating Nathan. I wouldn't have been on the car accident that made me lose my memory and I sure as hell wouldn't have been the person I am today. Everyday I wish he stayed home and didn't go. There's nothing I can do now though.

I look at my phone and see its 2 am. I don't want to wake up Nathan so early so I head into Connors room. Some say that your room is a reflection of who you are. For my brother, that is spot on.

Like I said before his room is almost exactly how he left it. Only thing is, it's clean now. He used to have his clothes all over the floor so it was like a carpet made of clothes. There are all these posters on the wall for almost everything except for inappropriate or "mainstream" things.

Connor got so many posters that he ran out of wall space so there are posters on the ceiling. There's a stereo on his nightstand and a stack of CDs. His bed set is a light and navy blue. He put a black rug in front of his dresser and his dresser is full of junk. It has his deodorant, cologne, souvenirs from his favorite places, and pictures of him and me together.

He may not seem like anything special but to me, he was the only person who mattered. I remember the day I was told he was in the hospital. He didn't die right away, he made it to a hospital and I got to talk to him one last time. Apparently when he was in the ambulance he kept asking for me. When he finally saw me he told me everything would be okay.

"Don't cry Brooky. I'll be alright and so will you. Don't let mom and dad take away who are. They just don't understand you yet. Give them time and be patient. You'll do amazing things. I know you will." He had said.

"You're not leaving me are you? Connor I don't want you to go. Please stay here. I can't loose you." I said through tears.

"This isn't goodbye. I'll see you again. I promise I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere. You just won't be able to see me. Brook you need to stay strong. Everything will be alright. I promise I'll be back for you."

"I love you, Connor." I couldn't stop the tears that had fallen.

"I love you too Brooky. I love you so much." He said and then he was gone.

I remember having to be dragged out of his hospital room. Then when we got home I ran to his room and hide in his closet. I cried for hours upon hours. I didn't know what I was supposed to do. I stopped eating and didn't talk to anyone. I got bullied and had no one to help me. That's when all the problems started.

I found that some people only talked to me because of what happened. I shut out everyone and only got close to Maria. I slowly got close to my current friends. Of course, Connor never cane back like he said he would so I stopped trusting people. My parents had Maria clean his room and made it off limits.

I sometimes, like now, sneak into his room. It still smells like him. It sounds creepy but it helps me feel like he's still here. Connor smelled like cinnamon and vanilla. I swear that boy could never smell bad. Yes his room was a pig sty, he was very hygienic.

He was the best brother anyone could ask for. I was so close to convincing him to stay home and not go on that damn trip. He promised me he would come back. He did, just not the way I hoped.

I feel like I just talked to him but I know I didn't. How could I have. He's dead. There are so many things I want to tell him about. I want to tell him about the boys living here. I want to tell him about mom and dad and Maria and how alone I am. I want to just tell him everything that has happened. I know he wouldn't just blow me off, but actually listen to me. That's one thing I miss about him.

My parents almost made his room into a spare. I somehow convinced them to leave it alone. Not only was my family impacted by his death, but everyone who knew him was too. I was constantly told how amazing he was. I wanted to tell them that I knew more about him than anyone else, which is true, but I only nodded and walked away.

I knew Connor wouldn't want people to cry over him and wouldn't want people to treat me differently. He would've wanted us to celebrate him. I tried but ended up crying and apologizing to him over and over. I knew it wouldn't do any good, but I did it anyway.

When it came time for the funeral, I was asked to speak. I tried but ended up crying in front of everyone. My parents thought I was faking. The funeral wasn't how Connor would have wanted it to be. He would have wanted his favorite music blasting and it to be like a rave. I know it sounds weird but that's what he told me.

I miss him so much it hurts. I can't even think about him without crying. I may laugh because it's a funny memory, but there are always tears. It's hard to get through the day, but it got slightly easier when the O'Neal brothers showed up.

*** Hey! Sorry it took awhile to update. My laptop broke and I have to use my phone. It's a bad reason but it's a pain to update on my phone. unicornbeliever1512 told me that she wanted to know more about Connor so that's why this is all about him. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As Always....

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