Barristerbabu: Bondita's denial to fulfill "their" dream

Chp 14 - The Painful Revelation

Batuk hung up the call in a haste afraid of being caught. Anirudh got baffled hearing Batuk. He thought " What were Bondita and Batuk speaking about before I came home? Why did Batuk ask her not to allow me to pay the fees for law college? Bondita looks very upset and sad as well. I need to ask Bondita."
He immediately rushed towards the kitchen to talk to Bondita. Bondita's back was facing Anirudh and she was wiping her tears and trying her best to look normal not aware that her Patibabu was right behind her.
Anirudh held her arm while Bondita's back was still facing Anirudh, he spoke in a stern voice " What happened Bondita? Why are you crying? What were you talking to Batuk before I came home?"
Bondita was stammering "Ahh nothing much Patibabu.. You may be tired, I'm preparing dinner.." before she could finish her sentence, Anirudh pulled her arm and turned her around such that she faces him, caught her in a firm grip questioning in anger " STOP LIEING BONDITA. TELL ME WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? I HEARD YOU TELLING BATUK THAT YOU ARE NERVOUS TO TELL ME SOMETHING. WHAT IS THAT WHICH IS MAKING YOU NERVOUS TO SHARE WITH ME? SPEAK OUT BONDITA. "
Bondita cried out " I DON'T WANT TO BECOME A BARRISTER." Anirudh loosened his hold on her being utterly shocked. Anirudh asked shockingly " Why Bondita? Being a Barrister babu was 'our' dream." 

Bondita cried out in frustration " There is no point of this dream. I don't understand why you want to make me a Barrister when it is anyway not going to work or do any good. Do you think that, me becoming a Barrister can change our whole country? NO, NOT AT ALL. Only you and I cannot change the whole country or this society. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. Stop building castles in air. This society will never change , no matter what we do. If you are thinking by becoming a Barrister , I will be an inspiration to other women, I'm sorry , you are mistaken. I would not be an inspiration but rather a substance of mockery. This society will never ever respect a women who has gone past her duties of a wife or mother to achieve something different. A women is respected only if she begets a male child for taking the family lineage forward.  

You have only seen my medals but not the taunts/insults that came with it. Unfortunately those taunts/insults  would not stop at me, it would be cascaded to you for spending your life on a failure like me. When my classmates itself were not able to tolerate my success at school and kept chastising me in different ways each day, you think the world will tolerate it when I become a barrister? THEY WOULD NEVER ALLOW ME TO BECOME A SUCCESSFUL BARRISTER.  As such the whole world seems to hate me and by me becoming a barrister, their rage and hatred against me is going to increase. People will continue to taunt you saying you have spend your hard earned money, your precious time on a 'unsuccessful barrister' like me.  Men as such would not support me, but women too would not support me. They have been taught that a woman who has not become a mother even after years of marriage is a complete failure. 

Besides, I'm even more bad for the world as I was going on question things (doing tarks),  didn't know the basic rules of relationships etc. I clearly remember Somnath dada once had told me in the fit of rage that our family doesn't want another Bondita at home, so they should look for a good life partner for him. I had accidentally entered Somnath dada's room without his permission for which he got very angry and explained me the boundaries between relationships. He had taught me that it was wrong for me to enter another man's room who is not my husband. He further added that it's a shame that I was not taught all this from my mother's home (mayka) and my sasural members are facing all the difficulties in tutoring me. He taught me a good lesson just as you do. Only difference being that you used to teach me lessons in a very sweet way, not the hard way like Somanth dada.  But I'm not complaining here.  He just showed me the bitter reality. When our family itself does not tolerate me, how do you expect the world to react? The world would put you down for unnecessarily sacrificing your youth on a failure."

 Anirudh eyes held so much pain listening to her words.  He stood silently with tears flowing down his cheeks. She walked past Anirudh, stood near the window and continued with tears in her eyes in a cracking voice " I always wanted you to be the happiest person in the world, I have always prayed for your happiness but Alas I myself became the whole reason for all your troubles. You dealt all the problems I gave you without a complaint, be it my bed wetting issue or getting attacked by Tarabai in Hiramandi or fighting with family/world for me. Every step you had challenges due to me. I wanted to be the source of your happiness but unfortunately turned out to be the source of unhappiness."