Rhythmic Laws (Law School Series 2)

Prologue

It was impossible not to love him.

I loved him by God, even if I don't believe in Him.

"Wedding Rings" - Clay [Song Playing in the Piano]

Poems that I made

Wouldn't fit into your hands

Roses that you gave

Dried buried in my heart

The keys are hitting the sound of music that is deeply engraved inside my brain. The bride and groom dance slowly with their hearts touching each other.

She sway her white gown as the wind effortlessly carries her beauty, and her husband hold tightly to her waist while my music take their bodies into swing.

Something 'bout the time

Something 'bout the touch

Something that I couldn't exchange

Tuloy ang pag-awit ko habang ang huni ko at ng musika mula sa piano ang tanging nagbibigay tunog sa katahimikang bumabalot sa buong ballroom.

Lahat sila ay nakitingin sa dalawang ibong nag-iibigan, hindi mapaghiwalay, natutunaw sa mga titigan, dahil lahat umaasa na ang araw nito ang saksi sa mga pangako nila na sila'y pang habang buhay.

And as the song goes on to the chorus, I paused, catching myself drifting from my music and the reality I am living in.

I saw my reflection from the fall board, drenched in tears.

I could say that growing up, my sexuality has been the most beautiful thing that I had. But beautiful things also ached before they became one.

Bading, bakla, bayot, jokla, serena, salot.

Paulit-ulit kong naririnig ito sa iba't ibang taong puno ng galit at hinanakit sa mga katulad ko na para bang masahol pa kami sa kriminal.

Kung kriminal ang mga baklang katulad ko, ikulong niyo akong nagmamahal.

Until then, loving was even painful to me.

People come and people go. I don't know who will stay or who will use me until I have nothing left.

Pero kung maling ibigin ako, bakit patuloy pa rin akong umaasa na may tatanggap sa pagmamahal na kaya kong ibigay?

This is when I look back to the two couples dancing on the centerstage.

From the normal people, they usually worry, ask, question, and have existential crises when will they ever marry. Of course, who they will marry is a hard thing to choose too, if they every need to choose rather than wait for that person to come.

But for me, I don't worry about, when will I be married, who I will marry, what kind of marriage I want to, or will I ever get married—

What worries me is if I'll ever get married.

Muli kong iginuhit ang aking mga daliri sa key ng piano at itinuloy ang chorus ng aking kanta na para bang walang kalahating mintuo ang nagdaan.

You sang me, you sang me

Like I am leaving faraway

You stayed here

Waiting to call your name

Hanggang kailan ako maghihintay? Hanggang kailan ako mananatiling estatwa sa aking kinakatayuan, nangangarap na dumating na ang tamang lalaki para sa akin? Hanggang dito na lang ba talaga ako?—ang taong huling iibigin ng mga lalaki bago nila mahanap ang babaeng papakasalan nila?

Because the fear keeps on winning inside me. The fear that I won't be loved the way that I wanted, that I won't be needed the way I wanted to be needed, and that I won't be worshipped by him.

Silver, paper, gold

I'll take what you give

Eternally, forevermore

You'll come back to me

And just as the lyrics broke free through my mouth, I catch a glimpse of him.

He smiles at me so gently as his eyes water with pearly tears. I remember those eyes ever so clearly. I remember the groom as the man who loved me before.

I'll stand here waiting

Watching you dance

I'll stand here kneeling

Until that ring is mine...

The music stops, but my life continues.