Rhythmic Laws (Law School Series 2)

20

a short sweet chapter from Seb<3

Clay and I broke up after releasing his single, Amsterdam Tears.

I was in the hospital during the my part time when I first heard the song that I've been avoiding for months. But it seems like I couldn't escape him.

Clay will always be part of me and I should learn how to accept it.

He wasn't the worst fear that I have, losing him was not the worst nightmare to ever have, and in fact, he's the most beautiful part of me.

Our love became the beautiful rhythms that saved us in our darkest nights where we couldn't see our worth.

Naalala ko dati noong high school, lagi akong kinukulit ni Mama kung ano ba talagang sexuality ko. I always tell her that I am straight. Pero hindi siya naniniwala dahil never pa akong nagkagirlfriend.

Kaya sinubukan ko. I tried entering into different relationship only with woman.

I met Fae during our freshmen year. She's taking Medical Technology while I'm taking Bio.

We explore our relationship more, do the things we both liked, ended the things we hated, and discover more our sexual needs.

Hindi naman dahil hindi ako attracted sa kaniya. It's just that I feel different liking a man.

That relationship was honest. We were honest and mature.

That's when I also met Clay, while I caught Fae listening to his music, she introduced me to him.

Simula noon lagi na rin akong nakikinig ng music niya even after we broke up.

Moving on wasn't easy, but we ended in good terms.

Kaya noong nakita si Clay at tuluyan siyang naging kaibigan, I feel more and more connected to my sexuality and to myself in general.

If I'm being honest again, I love every part of him.

His facial features is manly but still soft and feminine from the way he acts. His body is lean and became more in shape when we started doing gyms together.

Wala pagtataka kung bakit mahusay siyang umawit. Halos lahat na ata ng instrumento sa kaniyang kuwarto ay kaya niyang tugtugin.

I can sleep with his voice, the way he hums calms me, and his writing skills are poetic even though most of the time he doubts it.

Ang pinaka-ayaw ko lang sa kaniya ay mga nangyari sa kaniyang nakaraan.

That night when he lost his younger brother from a crime, that mistreatment he received from her mother while his father did nothing, and that past relationship he had with his abusive ex.

I want to erase all of that but I knew that those pasts are what makes Clay who he is. So I try to embrace it day by day to help him heal.

Ngunit hindi ko intensyon na baguhin si Clay nang hindi naayon sa kagustuhan niya. Pero nagbago siya. He slowly healed.

Alam ko na hindi ko dapat ikinukumpara ang mga pinagdaanan niya sa pinagdaanan ko.

I lost my Dad when I was seven, went to another woman and now had a new family. So, in every time I love someone, I remind myself how shitty my Dad was for leaving my Mom who was pregnant that time.

Mas pipiliin kong hindi maging kagaya niya. Mas magiging mabuti ako. Mas magmamahal ako.

This is nothing compared to what Clay has been through. But for Clay, my past is a big thing too. So in every pain that we have, we shared it together.

When I passed the NMAT, my Mom was so proud for me reaching med school. And at that moment, I wished Clay was with me that time.

And yes, God heard my prayers.

A week before i-release yung album, may malaking event and Star Entertainment na matagal na akong sinabihan ni Clay. Everything was settled even invitations.

The bad thing is, Clay and I we're broken up now. But the manager of the event emailed me to continue attending the event.

Hindi ko alam kung aware ba si Clay tungkol dito, but he probably is. I tried messaging him from his Instagram and old number but I received no reply. He must be so busy of preparing.

Alam kong magiging malaking kahihiyan ito kung mag-isa lang din na pupunta si Clay doon ngayon pa na alam nilang may inimbitahan ako at fixed na ang mga attendees.

So I went there. I drove there using my scooter, wearing my black suit and pants that I always wear whenever a formal event happens when I'm with Clay.

The ball held at a hotel venue. I can tell that it's prestigious one, so I toughen the act that I'm one with the artists here.

Hinanap ko siya pero para bang maliligaw ako sa sobrang lawak ng lugar. May mga artista akong nakasalubong at mga kilalang singer din na nadadaanan ko lang.

Until one of the event organizer lead me to him.

He's sitting in our table next to other new song artists. I waved my hand and I was right, he's probably waiting for me.

Just like that, I felt his hug again, buried my head through his neck like a jigsaw puzzle piece that connected me to him and then kissed him on the cheeks.