Mixed Direction

Chapter Twenty- Eight: Until You're Broken

{Zayn's POV}

I try to hold it in, but instead I bawl my eyes out. My forearms are resting against the steering wheel, my head resting against them as my eyes are clamped shut, tears flooding down my face as if there is nothing left inside me but pain that is drenched in water. I can easily turn around and pretend like it isn't a big deal, but it is killing me inside. All I want to do is scream and cry and let it all out because it is killing me inside. Fucking killing me.

Fourteen Hours Earlier

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOOPS!" Louis yells as he suddenly appears in our living room, scooping Ellie up and spinning her around rapidly as she squeals and laughs with absolute joy whilst Louis cheers and sings Happy Birthday to her.

I feel a smile creeping across my face as I watch how happy Ellie is. Nothing can spoil today for her. I refuse to let any other crap from this year get in the way of Ellie's fourth birthday. Fourth. Four years. It's actually been four years since Ellie was born. Where did those years go?

"I swear she was only a baby last time I blinked. What happened?" Perrie asks from where she is standing next to me, also watching Louis now playing with all three of our daughters in the lounge room.

"We grew up," I mutter. "When did that happen?" I ask Perrie in a whisper

Perrie doesn't reply, just continues to cut the fruit that she is preparing for when the others arrive. We said that they could come around ten- thirty, which is now. I don't think we're ever prepared for the future. We can try and be prepared and try and say that we are ready for whatever gets thrown at us, but the truth is, we can never see what's coming next.

The others all arrive shortly after Louis and I look around at the big group of people and how happy they all are. This is how it should be. All of us together, well apart from Niall, Ella, and Asha- but they're still part of the family. Yes, we're a family. Liam, Danielle, Zuri, Harry, Jade, Leigh- Anne and Jordan, Jesy and Jake (yeah, he's joined the family), Louis, and my clan. Even if it is for the last time.

Jonnie, Gemma, Luca, Evie, and Kayla (the extended family) arrive and so Louis and Jade start to conduct party games with the few children that there are, meaning Harry, Liam, Jake and Perrie are forced to put on fairy wings, black ones, and join in too. The good old black fairy wings.

After lunch my laptop starts making the funny Skype noise and Harry immediately accepts the call from Niall, connecting the laptop to the TV so we can see Niall, Ella, and Asha in big screen.

"Hey!" Everyone cheers.

"Hello!" Niall laughs. Ella and Asha greet everyone too and then the three of them sing Happy Birthday to Ellie. A conversation with the lads in Australia starts as Liam makes his way over to me, standing to my left.

"Any reason you're standing off to the side?" Liam asks me before sipping his drink, his hazel eyes giving me a questioning look.

"I never imagined this Liam," I tell him, watching Lillie and Rosie both grabbing at Ellie's legs and laughing with her as they all wrestle each other playfully. "I always wanted a family, my own anchor during rough waters, but I didn't expect three daughters that I can never stop loving, not until I draw my final breath will I stop loving them," I look across at Liam. "And to be honest, not even death will stop my love for them," I tell him truthfully.

I look across at Perrie who is talking to Jesy whilst watching Ellie, Lillie and Rosie. Her bright blue eyes accompanied by a bright smile on her face as Rosie starts telling her some sort of baby blabber. I still remember everything, it's a picture book imprinted in my brain. Nobody else has been worth thinking about since I met Perrie.