Mixed Direction

Chapter Thirty- Six: Addiction

Back to the normal part of the book.... 10 December 2022

{Perrie's POV}

Why do we hold on? Is it because of the addiction, the inevitable want for something so much that it triggers that point in our minds, making us need to hold on. After all, addiction is a psychological habit that keeps us wanting more, and more, and more, and more....

My hands are wrapped around the handle of the pram as I push it smoothly along the footpath, Lillie and Rosie blabbering away. The chilly air tingles my face and I thank the person who holds open the door for me to go into the cafe with. I leave the pram beside the door where other people have left their prams, and then scoop Lillie and Rosie out of their buckled in seats. 

They rest on one hip each as I weave my way around the tables and Leigh- Anne smiles and waves as I near their table. 

"Hello!" Jesy greets and I smile back, sliding into the chair next to the window and on Jesy's right side, opposite Jade, Leigh- Anne seated on the other side of Jade. "Hey Roo, Lil," Jesy tickles the twins as they sit on my lap. 

"Aww! I want them!" Leigh coos as they giggle happily. I stop Rosie from grabbing the salt shaker as I give Leigh a look of confusion. "Come on! They're so gorgeous! And Ellie!" Leigh smiles.

"I have no clue where they are if they go missing," Jade says sheepishly and we laugh. I wouldn't trade my daughters for anything in the world. Nothing is worth more than them to me. Everyday they're happy faces, cheeky laughs, idiotic remarks, it all makes the sleepless nights and troublesome moments worth while. 

"Got any baby names yet Jes?" Jade asks her and I take the fork out of Lillie's hand as Leigh takes it from me along with the knife.

"Play with these instead," I whisper to the twins, pulling two books out of the bag and handing them to the twins. 

"Well, Jake and I have been discussing them, I haven't fallen in love with anything yet, so I'm open to suggestions!" Jesy hints and we laugh. "But I do like Lucas, Stefan and I actually took liking to Zakery," Jesy looks at me and the girls laugh whilst I smile. 

"That is the weirdest dream I have ever heard of," Leigh shakes her head as the waiter comes over. 

"Good morning ladies, I'm James!" The waiter says happily. "What can I get you four lovely women, and adorable little women," James smiles at the twins and they laugh in response. "They're so cute!" He sighs at me. "How old?" James asks.

"Almost seventeen months," I reply to James. 

"Cuties!" James grins and then looks at Leigh- Anne. "What can I get you today?"

"Um, can I please have a mocha," Leigh- Anne asks James and he nods, scribbling it down on his notepad.

"White hot chocolate for me please," Jesy orders. Poor Jesy isn't allowed coffee at the moment, but I was the same when I was pregnant. You can have a little bit apparently, but not a lot. 

"I'll have a chai latte please," Jade requests and James writes it down before looking at me. 

"Can I please have a flat white," I ask and James smiles, nodding his head as he writes it down and then looks at the twins. "Can they eat biscuits?" James asks me and I nod. "Cool!" James grins and then walks off happily. 

"You're dream Perrie," Leigh looks at me. "I had a son, with Liam?" Leigh says confused, but still smiling. "How weird is that? Like if I hadn't have broken up with Liam."

"I was marrying Louis," Jade mentions and I can't help but laugh. That was really strange, why Louis and Jade were getting married in my dream is beyond me. 

I woke up at about five in the morning, hot and flustered after that dream. The ending with Zayn really made me shiver. I'm starting to wonder whether it was a sign of something or not. A good sign or a bad sign, I have no clue. But I no for sure that I woke up just before the good part, and all I could think about was how I wanted more. Not just more of the dream, but I physically wanted more. 

James comes over with our drinks and hands them out to each of us, including handing the twins a shortbread biscuit to share. They thank him and so do we before he ventures off to serve someone else. The girls continue to talk about other things but all I can think about now is my dream. 

The way that his fingers were touching me, his breath against my skin, his words filling my brain. The raspiness of his voice impacted upon me during the dream and was obviously affecting my body outside the dream, because waking up hot and flustered after such a nice dream doesn't just happen. 

"Um, I have to go and do some things before it's time to pick up Ellie," I tell the girls, standing up with the girls on each hip, the bag strung across my shoulder. "If you don't mind me going?" I check.

"No, of course not," Leigh smiles. "I'm sure we will see you soon," Leigh adds and I say goodbye to each of them before heading back to the car with the girls in the pram again. I parked a while away so I could have a nice walk, but now I seem to be jogging back to the car. 

The girls chatter happily to themselves and one another as I pull into Louis' driveway, parking behind his car and then hopping out, grabbing the twins and their bag with me. I head straight into the house and Louis is in the lounge room holding Henry as he chats to him. 

"Hey look Henry! It's Auntie Perrie and Lillie and Rosie!" Louis holds Henry up so he can see us and the twins wave happily as I place them on the ground. Louis slides Henry into the baby bouncer and I warn the twins to be careful as they bend down in front of Henry and talk to him. 

"Hey Lou," I smile as Louis hugs me. 

"Hello! What are you doing here?" Louis questions. 

"Do you mind?" I ask, looking towards the twins. 

"Not at all," Louis smiles in response. "Do you need me to pick up Ellie too?" Louis asks. I shake my head and Louis takes the baby bag from me. "You'll pick the twins up after collecting Ellie?" 

"Yes I will, thank you," I kiss Louis' cheek and then wave goodbye to the twins and Henry before rushing back out to the car and driving home. When you set a certain time, you're kind of required to show up. 

My fingers push open the front door and I lock it behind me, tossing my keys and phone onto the table near the front door and kicking off my shoes, I walk through the living area, unbuttoning my jeans and yanking them down before pulling off my jumper and singlet so I'm only in my bra and underwear as I make it to my bedroom. 

"Is this stupid?" I ask, looking at Zayn sitting in only his boxers on my bed. 

"Sex and no feelings," Zayn replies as I walk over, sitting down in his lap, my legs wrapping around his waist as his hands find the back of my head, pulling my hair out of the ponytail. 

"Sex and no feelings," I mumble as Zayn's lips move straight to my neck as we do what we have been doing ever since he got back from up North. Sex and no feelings. 

Addiction. It is feeding the addiction. We continue to do this because it feels good, it satisfies us, helps the habit. Having sex with one another is an addiction. I want to stop it, but I don't know how... and the thing is, I like the habit too much to end the addiction. 

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Bit of a floppy chapter, but I'm just letting you know it will get better. By the way, the next few chapters will kind of be Zayn and Perrie orientated... but there will still be other POV's and other things happening. 

Thanks for reading (: