He Couldn't Be That Bad? // Sebastian Sallow and You (spicy)

41. Losing Composure (very spicy)

There was no need to eat in the Great Hall today. I don't want to see anyone and I was more than happy to use the excuse to "stay focused" so Sebastian and I could eat in the Room of Requirement. Even though Deek is gone, many of the castle's house elves bring us lots of food to the room. It feels a little strange, and I don't know if it's because I'm the future headmaster, or they want a shot at freedom as well. The room takes care of us too, when we're done with afternoon tea the dishes usually vanish back to the kitchen, or the kettle resets itself beside the fire to wait for the next round.

Sebastian and I have a light dinner, a piano in the corner softly plays itself to the metronome of little pops in the logs inside the oversized fireplace. A brothy soup in a bread bowl warms me deeply and actually settles the nerves in my stomach for the tournament finals later tonight. If it's prepared for by the elves I wonder if they want us to win. But I also couldn't imagine a situation where they wouldn't give Damon something amazing as well. Just given his new reputation in their community.

Despite the delicious meal and the calming atmosphere, I can tell something is bothering Sebastian. He doesn't speak much, but it's not like I offer to fill the silence with conversation either.

After dinner, Sebastian and I practiced our shielding and attack combinations in the lower section inside the Room of Requirement. Any ease the dinner has brought us has come and gone. The more we cast and practice, the strain between us only grows. After we both successfully break past each other's shields we're both agitated enough that the air between us is taught with tension.

Sebastian has gone from quiet and brooding to particularly prickly as we practiced. I wonder if he's nervous. I'm sure his mind is on when Cog will be back with Anne. But when he slips into this place inside his own mind I worry if his old habits will come back.

"Ouch." I lower my wand, shaking out my hand to get some sensation back into it after a frost charm grazed me. "Even if Damon says he's not pulling punches, I just–" I breathe in through my nose slowly. "I just want to make sure our fight is... admirable."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He flings a spell at me and I throw my shield into place.

"You know." I kick my toe into the ground. "If the professors are watching, or even hear about it later, then we should be fighting smart. Fighting fair. Also, if I'm going to be headmaster, I need a reputation above reproach."

Narrowing his eyes, Sebastian studies me for a long moment. "Anything you'd like to share?"

If I tell him about my conversation regarding the Defense Against the Dark Arts position he's going to be mad at me for not bringing it up sooner. And if I tell him that he's not even in the running for it, he might be crushed.

"I've already used crucio on Damon, if that's what you're worried about." He scoffs. "I dodged a ministry hearing with that one, I'll not likely do an unforgivable curse when we've got a crowd of people to witness."

"Right. Obviously." I agree, pulling my lips between my teeth.

"Anything else before we head to the keep?" Sebastian looks at me like he's already reading my mind. His eyes laced with hurt. It could be about something else. Anything else. But it's unlikely. He knows I'm keeping something from him.

I shake my head, faking a smile. "I just want to win the tourney, that's all. Let's keep practicing."

"Fine." At that Sebastian's face looked more defeated than when Anne attacked him and left with Solomon's body.

Am I really such a coward? I'd faced down trolls and dark wizards and I couldn't even be honest with the man I loved?

A blast of heat smashes into my shield, singing one of the books flying around. It's pages flapping off in a frenzy to get away. "Hey, please be more careful!"