𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐌𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐋𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐔𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘

12:38 pm

Yanelie POV

Tess and I been having a lot of sex lately.
We fuck so damn much that our periods synced, the only reason we're not doing nun right now.

She's currently taking a shower and I was in bed, overthinking. I like her a lot but I don't think she likes me like that...at least she's fucking me.

"Yanelie?" I heard her call.

"Yes?" I replied, sitting upright.

"Did you take your pills?" She questioned while drying her hair with a T-shirt.

"I already told you, I did, you asked me this morning." I reminded her, lying back down on my side facing the opposite direction of her.

"Damn, I forgot." She mumbled but I didn't reply.

"Uh, Ashtray invited us over, they got Pizza." She stated.

"Ight" I got up and put a shirt on,

We got to Ashtray's and they been laughing and talking about I really don't know what. I wasn't listening, I kept zoning out.

"You're oddly quiet...you okay?" Mia questioned.

"Yes, all good." I lied.

"You haven't touched your food." She then pointed out.

"Not hungry." I smiled, hoping she'd stop asking.

"You're not hungry? You're always hungry." Tess intervened, a confused look etched on her face.

"Not feeling pizza." I responded, "I'ma go use the bathroom." I said, before getting up leaving them in the living room, I walked into the bathroom locked the door behind me, pacing around this spacious ass bathroom.

I could dead ass put a bed in here.

I don't know if it's those pills but I've been feeling nothing, just numb yet sad as fuck. The only time I don't feel like this is when, I'm with Tess but I know she doesn't like me like I like her, she just wants to fuck.

Maybe that's why I'm feeling like this, I do want to be more than just a friend with benefits. But there nothing more I can do.

Should I tell her?

But if I do, she might not want to fuck or want to talk to anymore, I don't want that.

I don't know what to fucking do with my stupid ass life. Tess should've let me jump, shit.

I'm twenty-two and jobless and talentless, dropped out of school ten years ago to take care of Yas who is now going to college in a few more weeks which I'm proud of. Now she's no longer in my care but HOME's I don't know what to do with my life.

Now, I know she's fine without me I just wanna be done with this "life" bullshit. I can't even kill myself because I promised Yas I wouldn't and I always keep my words. But it's so fucking hard to want live, I seriously can't take it anymore.

I just want to fucking die, man.

Yasmine, has no idea what it's like to live the way I lived. I spent my whole life protecting, her so I know she doesn't understand half of the shit I went through, no one does. They just think I'm weird, stupid and ugly, no matter how many times Tess or Mrs Debby tell me the opposite I will never believe them.

How could I? My whole life people told me those words and Terry never failed to remind me...every single day.

I reminded Yasmine how beautiful she is everyday. I am too blamed for her over confidence. Made sure she had everything she ever wanted, made sure no one bullied or insulted her, no one even dared to even look at her the wrong way. Scared off any mother fucker who tried to hurt her.