i stared at the wall, my eyelids refusing to get heavy. i felt seungmin's head on my chest and i could hear his soft but steady breaths, signalling that he was asleep.
i turned my head to look at the digital clock on the bedside table. 3 am. i sighed at the bright red letters.
i shuffled away slightly and managed to get out of seungmin's hold before staggering to the bathroom in the dark.
turning on the lights, i closed the bathroom door slowly behind me, not wanting to wake my members up. i then softly took out the scale from under the cupboard. and then slowly stepped on it.
106 lbs.
106 lbs!?
that's way too much!
what did you eat?
nothing, i promise!
you haven't eaten in a week and yet you still weigh so much?
you definitely didn't dance hard enough, then.
do you know how fat you are?
you're a pig!
the rest of the members are so thin or so buff but look at you!
you're just a ball of fat.
what is wrong with you?
you can't even lose weight properly!
all you had to do was to lose 16 lbs!
is that too hard?
this is why the members hate you.
i gripped the sink tightly.
shut up.
they hate you so much, you know?
shut up.
you're such a burden.
shut up.
you should just leave the group.
SHUT UP.
you're so fucking stupid, felix.
they don't love you.
they don't even fucking like you.
just die.
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" i screamed, punching the mirror.
i knew that i woke up my members but i didn't care.
i couldn't care.
how could i? with the voice screaming in the insides of my head. i couldn't stop my fist from making an impact on the broken glass, again and again.
i couldn't stop, even when my arm was painted with red.
i couldn't stop, even when the door burst open with a worried minho hyung.
i couldn't stop, even when chan hyung's arms wrapped around me.
i couldn't stop.
"felix! wake up!"
i woke up with a start, barely making out seungmin's worried face.
"felix! are you okay? you were thrashing around and i didn't know what to do! do i call minho hyung?"
"n-no! i'm fine. it was just a nightmare. nothing happened." i couldn't let myself be even more of a burden.
"are you sure?" seungmin looked at me with concern.
it's all fake.
they hate you, felix.
they all hate you.
"i'm sure, minnie. can go back to sleep now? i'm tired" i yawned quietly.
"yeah, sure." he said and laid down next to me.
we laid in silence for awhile, not knowing what to say but not falling asleep.
"you know you could tell us anything, right?" seungmin suddenly broke the silence.
"yeah, why?"
"i feel like you've been hiding something."
he knows.
you're annoying him.
he thinks you're weak and pathetic.
"of course not! i would never hide anything from you."
"promise?"
"promise."
i watched seungmin fall asleep with a smile on his face after i said that.
i'm sorry, minnie.
i broke our promise.
hey loves!
hope you're liking the book so far! I'm really thankful for you guys and I hope you lot are taking care of yourselves! drink some water and eat something! have a good day/afternoon/night!
kisses, Delilah <3
YOU ARE READING
𝔾𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤 (𝕃𝕖𝕖 𝔽𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩 𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥)
Fanfiction"w-who are you?" "i'm me, felix. i'm your friend." "r-really?" "yes, and let's keep it that way." ... in which lee felix let's the voices control him, not knowing he's letting himself spiral into darkness. the members are a little too late to realiz...
