"lix! you okay in there?" my oh so wonderful nap was disrupted by seungmin's loud knocking.
"yeah, i'm fine!" i called out, hastily drying myself off and slipping on some long sleeved pyjamas before walking out the bathroom with dripping-wet hair.
"you were in there for a while, y'know?"
"yeah, sorry." i grabbed my towel and started to dry my hair while answering.
i could feel the stinging of my cuts from being under the water on my wrists but i ignored them, trying to not seem suspicious. my arms started to grow sore from drying my hair.
"come here." seungmin patted the space in front of him.
i sat down in front of him and let his hands thread through my damp hair. i smiled and sighed happily.
"you know, some of us are worried for you." seungmin said softly, making my brows furrow in confusion.
sensing my questioning demeanor, he explained, "you're constantly spacing out, you aren't eating your meals regularly and you always wear baggy clothing."
my eyes widen and i made up a lie on the spot.
"i space out because there's this new book that i'm reading and i can't stop thinking about it. i'm eating less because i've been binging on late night snacks so i'm not that hungry. and i wear baggier clothing because it's comfortable. i promise there's nothing wrong, alright?"
hearing my lengthy explanation, seungmin nodded while continuing to dry my hair.
after a while in comfortable silence, seungmin was done with drying my hair and we both climbed into our beds.
i looked out the window and stared at the twinkling stars.
you should jump out the window.
where the fuck did you come from.
did you forget the penknife in korea?
i'm not really sure.
well, then, find another way to bleed.
do i have to?
i'm scared the others will find out.
they don't fucking care, felix.
do it.
there's razor in seungmin's luggage.
use that.
he's asleep anyways.
fine.
i climbed out of bed silently, trying not to wake seungmin up. as i tiptoed over to seungmin's luggage, my heart rate spiked. what if i got caught?
unzipping it quietly, i fumbled through the neatly-packed bed and found the razor. i grabbed it and rushed to the bathroom, turning the lights on.
i rolled up my sleeves, staring at the healing curs on my arm. i dug the sharp blade into my skin, wincing slightly. as the cool metal slid against my fresh wounds, blood started to drip down my arm.
more.
more.
more.
more.
more.
i closed my eyes and started to drag the blade harshly and messily against my arm, frustrated and overwhelmed. tears started to pool in my eyes and stream down my face. through my tears, i could only make out one thing: blood. the red on my arm reflected the dim toilet lights. the ringing in my ear started to get louder and louder.
please stop.
my head felt heavy as i began to sway slightly. i gripped the sink tightly, stabilizing myself before i could fall. as the ringing in my ear started to fade, i finally registered the burning pain on my arm.
looking down, i was met with a crime scene on my arm.
"fuck." i muttered underneath my breath, immediately reaching for toilet paper.
i dabbed it lightly on my wounds, wincing and hissing in pain. once the blood was clean, i bandaged my arm in white sterile dressing from a first aid kit i brought and climbed back into bed, falling asleep while dreading the impending morning.
YOU ARE READING
𝔾𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤 (𝕃𝕖𝕖 𝔽𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩 𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥)
Fanfiction"w-who are you?" "i'm me, felix. i'm your friend." "r-really?" "yes, and let's keep it that way." ... in which lee felix let's the voices control him, not knowing he's letting himself spiral into darkness. the members are a little too late to realiz...
