i don't know how it happened but there i was, sat between minho hyung and hyunjin on a wooden bench. i watched as the rest of my members ordered their pancakes with shining eyes.
my eyes scanned the menus as the faded words with even more faded pictures swirled in my mind, as the words no longer made sense to my mind.
the different types of pancakes only translated to one thing in my head: calories and fat.
too much.
the voices echoed, a symphony of horrible comments filled my mind.
too much sugar.
too much fat.
too many calories.
too much.
too much.
too much.
too-
"felix? what do you want?"
i looked at sengmin dazedly, "hm?"
"i said what you want to order?" he repeated.
"just some plain pancakes please." i shot him a small smile.
"really? but you always order the chocolate gourmet?"
i shrugged at that.
"just not hungry, i guess."
as soon as the waitress left, minho hyung pulled on my sleeve, making me turn towards him, "can we talk in private?"
my anxiety spiked as the words left his mouth. i nodded stiffly and followed him to the bathroom.
"chan hyung… he told me about… what happened this morning." minho hyung said hesitantly as he leaned against the sink.
i felt the world spin as betrayal and dread clouded my mind.
chan hyung told…?
he said he wouldn't tell!
i warned you.
you didn't listen.
you never listen.
they all hate you.
minho hyung hates you.
you should leave.
he doesn't want to see your face.
"felix. breathe." minho hyung's calming voice cut through the haze in my head.
he exaggerated his breathing pattern while encouragingly leading me to do the same. after a few minutes, i finally calmed down.
"you okay?" i hummed in response.
"we still need to talk about this morning, lix."
"i know, i know." i sighed.
"so. what happened? why would you think that we hate you?" minho hyung asked softly.
"i-i just… had a nightmare. yeah. i had a nightmare." i lied.
minho hyung, for once, seemed to believe my lie.
"it's alright, lix. but whatever happened in that nightmare isn't real, okay?"
"okay, but please don't tell the rest."
minho hyung nodded.
"i won't."
we went back to the rest of the group, only to be met with a table filled with delicious looking pancakes.
"oh, yeah, lix. i forgot to ask you just now, what happened to your hand?" jisung asked as soon as i sat down.
everyone's eyes immediately flitted to my bandaged hand.
"oh, i just accidentally cut myself on the bathroom cupboard. it's nothing bad." i shrugged.
"be careful next time, alright?" hyunjin nudged me playfully, causing me to giggle.
"alright."
the rest of the day was just us laying in bed all day and playing video games. obviously chan hyung tried to go back to work but jeongin and i managed to drag him back to the dorms for a movie marathon.
we all snuggled up against each other, watching the screen intently. i started dozing off about an hour into the movie. as i fell asleep, i could hear something that i haven't heard in a long, long, time.
silence.
YOU ARE READING
𝔾𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤 (𝕃𝕖𝕖 𝔽𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩 𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥)
Fanfiction"w-who are you?" "i'm me, felix. i'm your friend." "r-really?" "yes, and let's keep it that way." ... in which lee felix let's the voices control him, not knowing he's letting himself spiral into darkness. the members are a little too late to realiz...
