𝔾𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤 (𝕃𝕖𝕖 𝔽𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩 𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥)

~Chapter 17~

the afternoon dragged on to night and suddenly, jisung's head popped out from behind the door.

"hey like. you feeling any better? minho hyung was cooking dinner and changbin hyung tried to help... i guess we both know what's happening downstairs, huh?" he informed while slipping into the room and sitting on my bed.

i giggled slightly at what he said, "so i'm guessing dinner's going to be a little late?" i secretly prayed so.

"probably." jisung smiled and i nodded.

"do you want to hear some songs i've been working on? it's not as many as chan hyung or changbin hyung but-"

"sungie!" i giggled, "calm down. i would love to."

he grinned brightly before pulling out his computer from god knows where, typing in the passcode and going to saved files.

we cuddles on my bed while listening to unfinished tracks made by jisung until a knock could be heard.

"minho hyung finally finished dinner- without changbin's help this time," chan hyung came into my room to inform us.

do you really think you deserve dinner?

you need to skip it.

how?

use your dumb brain and think.

"finally! i'm starving!" jisung whined and jumped of the bed, closing the laptop.

"i-i'm not really hungry, i'll pass," i said, not getting up from the bed.

"no, felix. you're coming," chan hyung warned sternly,"you literally just passed out. you need food."

i sighed, nodding, and followed them out of the room.

you better not be eating!

they just want you to fail and be fat!

listen to me, i'm your only friend.

we sat down at the table, there was dishes filled with, thankfully not burnt, food. my eyes scanned the table, my mind already screaming at me to leave the room immediately.

"bokkie? is there something wrong? you seem out of it. and you haven't touched any food," hyunjin asked, his head tilting.

"hm? oh, i'm fine! i'm really not hungry though..." i trailed off.

"felix, is this about the stupid diet again? i'm serious, yongbok, you need to eat. it's getting dangerous." changbin hyung stared at me in concern.

"i'm fine! i'm just not hungry! what can't you understand that?" i started getting frustrated.

"and why are you being so stubborn? why can't you just eat!" changbin hyung slammed the table, standing up, "for gods' sake, felix, just stop being a burden! it's not that hard to shove food down your goddamn throat!"

changbin hyung's chest was heaving slightly and the entire room was silent with shock.

"i..." i took in a sharp breath, "i'm going to excuse myself now."

as i stood up, the only sound that was evident was my chair scraping against the hard floor wood. i walked slowly towards my room, my legs felt heavy and my vision was fogging up slightly.

as soon as i closed the door to my room, my knees gave out and the voices caused mayhem in my mind, clawing at every nook and cranny.

you're a fucking burden.

you disappoint everyone.

you shouldn't even exist.

burden.

burden.

burden.

burden.

BURDEN.

"stop!" i sob, gripping at my hair, hoping to grasp on to any sanity left in me.

just then, my eyes landed on a small penknife i had left on the table from when i had to open a parcel. i don't know what happened, but i had the urge to feel the cool blade on my skin, to watch blood drip down my arm.

so i did it.

one

two

three

four

five

six

seven

eight

nine

ten

eleven

twelve

thirteen

fourteen

fifteen.

fifteen cuts.

i watched numbly as the crimson flowed and dripped onto the floor. the voices had shut up. i smiled, genuinely, for the first time in months with tears in my eyes.

i did it.

i finally did it.

the silence of the night finally felt peaceful to me. i cleaned the blood on the floor and threw on a long sleeved shirt, not even bothering to clean my wounds, before lying in bed and playing with my phone.

just then, a knock was heard.

"lix? can I come in?"

hey loves!

I watched the suspicious laboratory skz code! HIDE THE FRICKIN SCISSORS! anyways, hope you enjoyed this chapter! have a good day/afternoon/night!

kisses, Delilah<3