~Chapter 23~

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the next day, we all travelled back to korea.

it felt good to be back at the dorms, a sense of familiarity engulfing me almost the moment i stepped foot inside of the apartment.

once again, they fought over who got to shower first. obviously me since i was still sick.

i made my shower quick, not even bothering to set the temperature. i let the scalding hot water run down my back before rubbing on soap and drying myself off after rinsing the soap off.

as soon as i got to the living room, i could hear my members talking about the performance, that i missed, excitedly.

"it was amazing! hyunjin hyung's dance is so good!" jeongin exclaimed, patting a flustered hyunjin's shoulder.

"but our little maknae was not so little, was he?" chan hyung joked, referring to jeongin flashing his abs the day before.

"why did felix have to get sick yesterday, though?"

my heart froze as the words slipped out of seungmin's mouth.

"yeah. it was so hard to cover his part! it was so much trouble!" jisung whined.

you hear that?

you getting sick was dragging the group down.

it's all your fault.

you're such a burden.

you're so useless.

maybe if you weren't slowing the group down, they would like you more.

they all hate you, rightfully so.

you're so fat and ugly.

just die.

"guys," minho hyung's sharp voice cut through my thoughts, "it isn't his fault. we should be taking care of him, not being selfish."

hearing this made me a little bit more calm, but i decided to just call it a day and head to bed.

i trudged back to my room, sinking into the familiar mattress, a invisible barrier protecting me from the commotion outside of my room. i stare at the ceiling blankly, tracing random shapes from the cracks. i saw a dinosaur, a kettle, a heart, a rose and a lightning bolt.

by this time, the noise coming from the living had begun to subdue. i stare at the digital clock on the wall, decided. seeing the big bright numbers '0034' flash, i sighed and rolled onto my side, gripping the sheets tightly.

suddenly, my members' words resurface in my mind once more.

why'd you fall sick?

you really just wanted to make a fool of yourself.

what is wrong with you?

rolling back onto my back, i presume my pitiful counting of patterns.

𝔾𝕒𝕞𝕖𝕤 (𝕃𝕖𝕖 𝔽𝕖𝕝𝕚𝕩 𝔸𝕟𝕘𝕤𝕥)Where stories live. Discover now