The Before [Prequel- Part 1]

Talking

~~~Catherine's pov~~~

It had been two days since I had woken up, and I was in excellent health. And despite Jemma's multiple assurances that me and the baby were completely fine, Loki was constantly on edge.

In fact, he hadn't left my side other than to get me some food or to call one of the team members into the infirmary, to which I was confined.

He claimed he was just being vigilant, seeing as there were still multiple fear anomalies appearing, but I knew there was something more to it. I just didn't know what.

I had been mulling over the possibilities for a couple of days and realized that it was more something that was bothering me.

That fear anomaly that attacked me in the supply pantry wasn't a fear of mine.

Even after Loki told me about what happened to him with the mind control, I had never been afraid of that side of him even maybe reappearing.

He knows I'm not afraid of him... Right?

I mean, I thought he knew that, but after everything that's happened, maybe I should talk to him about it...

"What are you thinking about?" His voice pulled me from my thoughts as he brushed his hand over mine, sitting in the chair beside my hospital bed.

I had told him a dozen times that he could sleep in the actual bed with me, but he said he was fine sleeping in the chair. Which I knew was a lie.

Two theories had formed in my mind as to why he'd purposely choose to be uncomfortable. One, he wanted to stay alert and awake for fear anomalies. Two, he was scared that if we did share the bed, he would somehow hurt me or the baby.

The second one hurt to think about, but if that fear anomaly in the supply pantry wasn't my fear, there was a good chance it was his. And that was another reason why I had to talk to him about it.

"Just... Nothing, really." I lied, trying to find a way to approach the topic. Eventually, I gave up on the subtle approach and just said it outright. "Loki, you know that I'm not afraid of you, right?" My voice was quiet as I looked down at the blanket covering my legs. "That fear anomaly... I've never been scared of the mind control. That wasn't my fear." I shook my head.

I knew how important it was that he heard that. He blamed himself for far too much already and he didn't need to think that his own wife and soulmate was afraid of him.

~~~Loki's pov~~~

Her words took me completely by surprise.

I knew I had been acting a bit strange since the incident a few days ago, but I didn't think that she would assume it was because of anything she had done.

That was the last thing I wanted.

I was on guard because I was afraid that Maw had succeeded in getting his message to Thanos. I didn't want to take any chances while she was still vulnerable like this.

After a long silence, I finally spoke up. "I know," I said softly, making her look up at me. "I know it couldn't have been your fear because it was mine..." I couldn't even face her as I spoke. The guilt was eating me alive.

My fear had almost gotten her and our daughter killed. How could I possibly not feel responsible for that?

"My fear, since what happened in 2012, has been the mind control taking over and causing me to hurt the people I care about as a result," I explained, still not looking up.

Although it's a short list, the people I do care about mean everything to me. If he would have taken control again, Catherine could have died. Our daughter could have died. All because of me. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened.