"Thank you, London! Goodnight!" Ashton yelled from the stage as we exited.
We grabbed our towels and wiped our faces as we headed backstage, the roar of the crowd following us. As we entered the small room, Czara jumped off the couch, leaping into Luke's arms as their lips connected, both smiling ear to ear. I was happy that Luke had someone with him; he loved her, and that was obvious. But at the same time, she hated me and only reminded me of her. That was a painful thing to relive every day.
We all lingered for a few minutes before hopping in our van back to the hotel where we all split into different rooms; Luke and Czara, Ash and Cal, and then me, all by myself. I don't think anyone wanted to deal with my constant sadness, and I didn't blame them.
I should be happy. We just played our first show at Wembley-fucking-Arena, for Christ's sake. But that still wasn't enough to uplift me. Yes, the screaming and cheering of the fans was enough to get me going for a little bit, but the second I stepped off that stage the high was gone and the sadness and regret took over once more. I felt like I was in and out of depression and it was driving me insane.
I just wanted to be back home; the only problem was that home was with her, and she was six feet under. Sometimes I wish I could take her place under the dirt; it would be easier for her to live without me. I was trash. But her, I couldn't live without.
I was realizing that more each day.
//
Mini chapter...oops
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November Dreams (M.C.)
FanfictionEvery night its the same; I wake up sweating, spinning, and unable to remember why. No matter how hard I try, I can't remember anything. I feel only one thing and that's hurt and confusion. I try so hard to remember; anything is better than feeling...
