November Dreams (M.C.)

Chapter Sixty-Three

               

Two weeks passed. Then three. Then four. Still, he lay unconscious and unaware under cold white sheets. We visited him every day with the underlying prayer that when we showed up, he would magically be awake waiting for us. But it was just the opposite; Michael had been declining steadily for the last week. My nails were bitten down to the nubs, my anxiety spiking when the doctor approached us with the news.

I watched as everyone's faces plummeted and my heart dropped in my chest. I could feel myself begin to tremble as I nodded the doctor away. Everyone's eyes fell to the floor in silent shock. We all stood there for a moment, basking in the sick realization that there was a good possibility that we were going to lose Michael for good.

Calum and Ashton glanced at each other and then us before breaking away. This was eating at them too, I knew that. But not nearly as much as it tore at me.

Luke glanced at Czara before she reluctantly joined Ashton and Cal. I could see in her eyes that she was still silently begging for Luke to forgive her. I secretly hoped he would, too. Michael tried to take his life when we turned away from him; I didn't want the same fate to befall her too.

"What now?" Luke whispered, his voice raspy and worn for all the sleepless nights we had spent here watching over Michael.

I shrugged, still nibbling on what was left of my nail.

"I don't know," I sighed heavily, a single lonely tear dripping down my flushed face. I could hear the faint beeping as his heart monitor kept time of his weakening heart. With every tick, I could feel the pounding in my chest becoming more and more violent as my nerves climbed.

Luke and I exchanged pained looks before wiping our cheeks.

"Do you mind if I have some time alone with him?" I sniffed. Luke nodded and pulled me in for a hug before joining our friends in the corner. I exhaled slowly before turning back into the room, closing the door behind me. My mind began to bring me closer and closer to him, my heart dropping to my stomach when I finally reached his bedside.

As I gazed down at his mannequin-like form, I could feel myself begin to seize up. I couldn't do this. Standing here in front of his, so close, I realized how truly far away he was. His spirit was miles away, lingering in a place that may never release him. And it was there because I was too blinded by my hurting heart to see that underneath all the mistakes, under all the betrayal, that he loved me more than his own life. It killed me that I was too blind to see it before it had been too late.

I wiped a stray tear before climbing up and sitting beside him in his hospital bed. I gazed down at his hand longingly before taking it in mine. As I laced my fingers with his, I flinched; he was so cold, so corpse-like, it was like holding on to a cadaver. I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath before opening my mouth hesitantly.

"Hey, Michael," I whispered to his unhearing ears.

His chest rose and fell mechanically, his lips still unmoving beneath the mask.

I let out another shaky breath.

"Michael, this is all my fault," tears began to well in my eyes, blurring him a bit. But I could never forget his features. I could never forget his face, not even through these tear-stained eyes.  "I should have never left you, I should have stayed...I-I should've listened to you. I should have forgiven you before....before..." my eyes began to overflow, the heat from my tears warming my chilled cheeks.

I rubbed my thumb soothingly over his cold pale skin, like he used to do to me when he held my hand in his. Oh, how I longed for the past, before the fame, and the party, and the ruin. I longed for us to just be us. But it seemed the fates were not in our favor.

I lowered my head, wiping the tears from my neck.

"I tried so hard to remember you, to remember everything I had forgotten about you, about us. I never thought that when I did it would bring us here. I wish...I wish I had never remembered. Because maybe...maybe if I hadn't...you'd still be smiling...maybe you would still be okay...."

Sobs wracked my tired body as I brought my lips to his hand, kissing him gently before lowering it and placing it back on the bed.

"I'm so sorry, Michael. Whatever happens...whatever happens here please know...please know I don't blame you....I-I....."

His hand twitched beneath mine suddenly, my breath getting caught in my throat as I choked on my words.

"M-Michael?"

//

Michael

Everything around me was shrouded in a white, cloudy haze. I could feel my body moving, but I could no longer move it on my own. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk. Before I began to panic, I remembered it, laying on the floor before Luke found me, wanting, wishing for nothing more than to be taken from the world that had caused me so much pain. That's when everything turned black.

I could hear them as they came and went, and I could feel myself declining. I could feel my self drawing to a close, like I had longed for. My chest rose and fell robotically; my mind was the only thing I controlled. I wished for death, I prayed it would come to me and take me to a place where pain could no longer touch me.

I felt my bed sink next to me and slow breathing filled my ears. Before I counted it as another nurse, the sweet hint of her perfume filled my nose. Then, the delicate tune of her voice began to fill my ears.

She was...she was crying...she was...apologizing? No, please Nove. Don't apologize, don't cry over me. This didn't feel real. This had to be something I was imagining. Yeah, that was it; my mind was tired, my subconscious showing me what I wanted to hear in my untimely hour.

This was it.

It was my time.

And she would be the angel to take me away.