November Dreams (M.C.)

Chapter Fifty-Four

               

Luke

November's trembling settled once Michael was out of sight. Out of sight, out of mind right? But it wasn't that simple, for either of us. Michael was backstage, but I knew she still sensed his pull. Czara smiled on the edge of the stage with Ashton and Calum, a smile that wasn't caused by me and it hurt. Everything hurt.

I rubbed November's back as she calmed. She wiped away what was left of the trail of water on her tepid cheeks before throwing me a woeful glance.

"I can't stay anymore, Luke," she shook her head as she raked her hands through her hair. "I know the tour is almost over and I thought I would be able to stick around, but I just can't anymore. Not with Michael always around. You and I know that he won't stop trying."

She was right. As long as she was around, Michael wouldn't let up. The only thing that would serve as a temporary remedy was for her to leave. I understood, as much as I wished she would stay. We had a kinship now, one we didn't have before. Even if it was forged from a toxic pit, it was the one thing I felt I could count on right now. But November, she was dwindling down just being here. Michael glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and I knew how it made her feel. Whenever he was in sight, she would seize up. She ceased to be herself.

"What can I do, Nove?"

She looked up at me with her big, iridescent eyes.

"Take me far from here."

//

November

I spent the entire ride to the airport with my eyes trained lazily out the window, watching the world pass in a giant polychromatic blur. The world always looked better this way to me. Nothing seemed certain as you rushed past; you could miss all the things you didn't want to see. When life slowed down, you were stuck. All the bad things were in front of you, whether you wanted to face them or not. The world this way was easier to run from. Sometimes facing things just wasn't the solution. Sometimes running was easier.

I closed my eyes as the music in my ears played, loud and raucous just the way I liked it. It was nice sometimes, shutting the world away. Being alone with my thought was a painstaking form of torture, but the music that slurred around in my head overpowered the thoughts that were begging to surface.

My eyes wandered from the window as the surrounds turned more concrete and less green, signaling that we were close to savior. My head fell indolently to the side as my eyes fell on Luke in the seat next to me. He gave me a sympathetic smile as my head slipped onto his shoulder, the music lulling me. But before I could drift off into an unplanned sleep, Dave pulled up to the terminal, the sudden stop snapping me out of my music-induced daze.

Luke carried my bags inside and waited with me until the plane was about to board. It was weird, the rest of the crew not being here to send me off. Earlier that day I had stayed for the rest of the concert, despite my mind's constant protesting. Afterwards, Luke called the airport and arranged for a plane for me. I hugged Calum and Ashton goodbye; neither were happy to see me go. To be honest, it was nice to know I would be missed. It made me feel like I had mattered in the end after all.

The only people who knew I was leaving were Luke and I, Calum, Ash, and Dave. The rest had no idea and I hoped they wouldn't notice that we had dipped out the back door. I didn't want them coming after me, I didn't want them looking for me, I didn't wan them finding me. I didn't want this feeling to chase after me; I wanted to escape, to recoup, to regain myself and the confidence that had been robbed from me. But mainly, I sought to forget the man I loved.

It was ironic, really, this situation I had been so carelessly placed in. Before, I would have given anything to remember everything. Every feeling, every kiss, every moment that he and I shared in our blissful reign. But now, I would give my very soul just to forget it all again. I didn't want to know, I didn't want to remember, I wanted to recall nothing. But in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't going to happen this time. It was inevitable, for me to be stuck with this crippling emptiness and worthlessness that I dragged along with me. This baggage would always be mine to carry.

There is by Box Car Racer danced harmoniously with my eardrums the stewardess alerted Luke that my flight was ready. I pulled the earphones from my ears begrudgingly as Luke wore a halfhearted smile. I wrapped my arms around his broad frame, his arms immediately snaking around me as he squeezed me tightly against his chest. We exhaled in unison as we pulled away from each other, tears lingering on both of our cheeks.

"I really wish you didn't have to go," Luke chuckled reluctantly as he ran his large palm through the blonde mop situated on top of his head.

"I know," I sighed.

"I wish I didn't have to either, but we both know its best."

He nodded his head weakly, his hands stuffed deep into the corners of his pockets.

"I wish you didn't have to stay," I admitted. And I was being truthful. I wish he could come with me so I would feel so alone. He helped me fight the loneliness away.

He brought me in for one last hug as the stewardess opened the door to the runway. Luke tightened his grip for a brief moment before talking lightly in my ear, his words just above a whisper.

"I'll be home soon, I promise."

I pulled away reluctantly as he handed a man my bags. The further I walked away from him and the closer the plane got, the deeper the sadness felt inside me. These next weeks wouldn't be easy. Four shows, four shows and they would be back. Four shows and I wouldn't feel so alone. That's all I had to keep telling myself and hopefully it would be enough not to send my spiraling back into madness.

I looked over my shoulder and waved to Luke before the stewardess shut the glass-paned door behind me, dealing the deal. But just as I was almost to the plane, a commotion inside stopped me. Men rushed to the door as I heard my name being called behind me, a familiar tone to it.

No.

Please no.

"November! No! Don't leave!" Michael screamed just before the door was forced closed again. I spun on my heel, my breath leaving my body as I watched him struggle to break free from the men holding him back. His eyes were closed tightly, his mouth widened as his calls echoed, even through the glass. Luke put his hands up as the men released his slowly, Michael slipping to the floor in defeat. His hands covered his face as his body visibly shook. Luke stood next to him. He rested his hand on Michael's shoulder, Michael jumping at the touch. Luke was saying something to him, Michael nodding his head slowly. I wondered what he was saying, considering they hadn't spoken since everything had happened.

"Miss?"

My head snapped back around to face the stewardess, her eyes kind and soft as she smiled at me under the subtle moonlight.

"The plane is ready to take off."

I nodded and walked with purpose to the plane.

I didn't dare to look back again.

There would be no more looking back.