November Dreams (M.C.)

Chapter Fifty

               

Luke

We drifted back and forth under the twinkling dullness of the night sky, stealing small glances at each other every now and then as if we were asking without words, 'are you okay.' But we both knew well enough the neither of us were okay. I felt as if I was on the precipice of hysteria as my heart and head went to war with one another. November sat trapped in painful silence next to me, her head hung low and her shoulders slumped as she rocked back and forth on the swing, her feet hovering just above the ground.

Her small sniffs drew my attention, our eyes meeting in a sullen stare as she pushed a stray tear from the corner of her eye. A small chuckle left her body and disappeared into the chill air as she wiped the insignificant drop of water on her black jeans.

With her head still facing the dirt, she spoke in a raspy, broken tone; a tone that said she had been crying and yelling, perhaps all at once.

"You know, I never thought I would be in this place again. I thought my heartache was over. He promised it was over. That he wouldn't hurt me again..."

I cleared my throat, a twinge of pain shooting down my esophagus.

"Michael was never good with promises, was he?"

Silence washed over us once more as she pondered to herself, her expressions contorting in confusion. She was just as lost with this as I was. Her sanity was hanging by a thread too, it was as apparent as the betrayal etched in her expression.

She breathed out shallowly, throwing her head back to gaze up at the heavens scattered unevenly above us.

"I don't know why I thought it would be different now. I should've known," a tear streaked down her flushed pale cheek as she turned to face me, her eyes holding so much hurt and sorrow that my heart ached for her. Her pain outweighed my own, her heart already knowing what it was like to have a dagger driven through it by a loved one.

I stood hesitantly and shuffled over to her; I towered over her as she gazed up at me, the trails of new and old tears glistened on her face in the moonlight. I held my hands out to her, shuddering a bit at the chill of her skin as she took my fingers in her shaky grip. I pulled her to her feet and lifted her chin until we were eye to eye, soul to soul, heartbreak to heartbreak.

"I don't want you to blame yourself, Nove. Please. You couldn't have known; something inside you pushed those memories from your mind all that time ago for a reason. You'll get through this and so will I," I choked back tears as I spoke, "no matter how much it hurts."

November let out a small whimpering sob as she fell into my arms and buried herself into my jacket. I wrapped my arms tightly around her as her body shook, my head rested on hers as salty drops of water spilled from my tired blue eyes.

"Together, you and I, that's how we'll pull through this. I'm not going to let you fall, November, not this time."

//

November

Luke had always been a close friend, a brother. I never realized I would need him as much as I did now. Her understood, the pain, the betrayal, the feeling of having a gaping hole in your chest that either mended slowly, or not at all. He was truly all I had now, and I was thankful to have a friend like him.

He walked with me slowly back to the hotel as my nerves balled up inside my stomach. I didn't know what was going to happen once we were in there again; I didn't know how to face them.

The elevator climbed slowly, time seeming to slow as we arrived at our floor. When we emerged from the elevator though, I stopped dead in my tracks, Luke bumping into my back at the sudden halt. There at the end of the hall, sat Michael, his head in his hands and back up against the wall. I froze immediately, spinning on my heel to run as far away in the opposite direction as I could. But Luke stopped me; his large hands latched onto my shoulders as he caught my gaze dead in his.

"November, you can do this," he whispered as he spun me around.

He grabbed my hand supportingly and guided me down the narrow hotel hallway. As we got closer, my heart began beating faster. Michaels head shot up, his hands still hovering above his knees as he looked me straight in the eyes. He had been sobbing, perhaps uncontrollably; his eyes were red, puffy, and severely bloodshot. The green in his stare had been reduced from a striking lightning green to a dull olive.

"November," he exhaled as he scrambled to his feet, wiping his nose as he straightened.

I stood there in front of him, so unsure.

Luke bent down to my ear, whispering words of encouragement lightly as my heart rate slowed to its normal speed.

"It'll be okay, Nove," he reassured me as he squeezed my hand gently and gave me a tired, loving smile.

Michaels eyes shot down to Luke's hand laced with mine, his eyebrows knitting together as his mouth hung open.

"November, I—I'm so sorry. Please, please let me explain. Please let me tell you—" he stepped forward, his hands reaching desperately in my direction. I stepped back, shaking my head as I held his bewildered stare.

"No, Michael."

He tightened his eyes, his hands running feverishly through his newly blonde locks. When he opened them once more, tears cascaded violently down his blushed cheeks.

"November, please," he begged, "I can't lose you again. I just...I just...can't...please," his tired eyes pleaded with me, and my heart almost gave in. He may have hurt me profusely, but I still loved him. I always would, somewhere in my heart. But there came a time when I needed to accept that what we had could never be healthy, could never be what we wished it would be. And that moment was now, even if my heart screamed at me to latch onto his quivering form and never let him slip away.

"I can't, Michael. Not anymore. I'm staying in Luke's room tonight," tears rolled down my cheeks; I struggled to keep my cool as I watched him fall to pieces in front of my eyes. I felt my heart crack into even bigger pieces as the man I once loved irrevocably sobbed into oblivion.

"November," his voice cracked in once last attempt to get me to reconsider.

"Goodbye, Michael. Goodbye," and with that, I slipped into an unfamiliar hotel room with Luke by my side, leaving the broken boy behind me for the last time.