November Dreams (M.C.)

Chapter Sixty-Five

               

I huddled under the safety of a nearby tree as the sky began to cry along with me. The world around me was as misty as my eyes and the cold air clung to my skin, sending the cruelest of chills down my damp body. Part of me hoped I would just slowly freeze under that tree; they could have buried me right there and I wouldn't have minded. But instead, I pulled my knees into my chest and tucked my face into them, forming a barrier between myself and the surrounding nothingness.

I felt nothing inside as I wept under that lonely tree. The grass was getting wetter and wetter beneath me, soaking through my black jeans and nipping at my pale skin. The tree's branches sprinkled droplets of fresh rainwater over me, dampening my hair and causing it to stick wildly to my face as I attempted to brush it away furiously. I was beginning to become hysterical, my emotions starting to wash over me like a tidal wave. I felt everything and nothing all at once. My chest began to rise and fall rapidly, my breaths short and rushed as I tugged at my sleeves in a fluster. I squeezed my eyes shut tight, tears sneaking through the sides and rolling down my cheeks, mixing with the rainwater that had preceded them.

"Stop it, stop it," I whisper-yelled at myself, my hands reaching up to twist violently through my soaked locks. I lowered my head and cried, rocking back and forth in the wet grass, praying to god that everything would cease to exist. But a slight crunching in the grass beside me awoke me from my violent stupor. He sat next to me, unhindered by the cold and the soaked grass beneath him. He didn't care that he would get grass stains on his favorite black jeans, or that he would get soaked along with me.

His blonde locks began to flatten and stick to his forehead as he locked arms with me, his head bowed with mine in silence. The rain pattered down on the pavement in front of us in a steady stream, mist rising from the drenched concrete. Nature had not been on my side today.

"The rain always reminded me of him," I croaked. I bowed my head for a moment, silent tears rolling down my cheeks before I threw my head towards the grey sky, welcoming the rain as it sprinkled down upon my skin.

"This so cruel," I heaved, my eyes barely open as the rain continued to wash over me. "All of this is just...this was never what i—"

"Why?"

I turned my head to him slowly, the sight of him awful to behold; he stared at me through sullen, drooping eyes. Red rings adorned his lids like jewelry, his wet hair tangled and sticking to his forehead in matted clumps. His mouth quivered as he stared; he chewed on his lip ring, something he did when he was bothered.

"I-I'm sorry?"

To say that I was confused by his interjection was an understatement.

"Why does the rain remind you of him?"

"Luke, why—"

"Because if I just sit here in silence, I'm afraid I'll go crazy. Please, November, tell me why."

I could see the desperation reflecting back at me in his eyes. Reliving memories of Michael and I was not an easy task; it was like trying to listen to your favorite sad song after the record had been broken. But those tragic memories, the ones I had once tried so desperately to get back, were all I had to cling to now.

"I don't know, really. I think it was because he always came alive when it was raining. He would drag me to the park just before a storm and we would sit under the jungle gym and just watch the sky. We shared our stories in the rain, and I think every time I watch the rain hit the ground, little pieces of his stories find their way back to me again. The rain makes me feel like I haven't lost him completely..."

Luke sat silent for a moment, absorbing my words like a sponge.

"But what happens when you run out of story?"

I paused for a moment. I hadn't thought of that; I hadn't thought about what would happen when I was given all the pieces again.

"That's when the madness really sets in."

//

Michael

I felt as though I had been sent hurdling backwards into an infinite tunnel until an explosion of white all around me surged through me and illuminated me from the inside out. I was brought upright, seeming to stand on nothing as I walked slowly forwards towards a brightly shining light. Tufts of white smoke pooled around my ankles, shrouding my feet as I approached what looked to be a gate.

I reached out to touch the gate, curiosity getting the better of me. But as my finger connected with it, I was burned as if the gate had been made of fire. Was this not heaven? Was I not allowed in?

I looked all around me for an answer, a sign, a person. Nothing. It was just me, lonely all over again, even in the sky. I stood confused for a moment before there was a slight tickle in my ear. It started off in one, then progressed to two. After a moment, the fuzziness began growing, morphing into hushed, muffled whispers, it seemed. Suddenly, there was a voice, clear as day in my ears. It spoke to me and only me, directly and by name.

"Michael...Michael you do not belong here..."

My eyes widened as I spun around, looking for the mouth that uttered those words. But there was no one. The voice spoke again, this time more clearly.

"You are not meant to be here, Michael...you must go home..."

I was confused; it seemed that my life had meant to bring me here, to this end. But this voice, this being—whoever they were—was telling me otherwise.

"Go home? I...I can't...they don't want me...I-I'm alone..."

"You are not alone, Michael...They love you in ways you know not...and she...she will fall apart..."

My dead heart seemed to beat faster in my chest at the mention of her.

"But...but how...I don't know how to—"

"Go to her...follow the wind...your love...it is never-ending...

I could feel the voice disappear from me, all sounds ceasing in the eternal place. Part of me knew that this was the truth; this voice knew what I did not. It knew what I was too blind to see. I crouched to my knees, letting the white mist fall around me. I was lost, lost in a place where I was supposed to be found, where I was supposed to move on. But I could not. My heart still belonged to her; I still belonged to her. And in that moment of such intense doubt, I realized that I never wanted that to change. That I would trade anything to be hers, forever.

The mist around me began to swirl around me feet. I raised my hand to shield my eyes as a light as intense as a thousand suns shone down upon me. I felt as though I was being sucked back down that long tunnel, the sunlight getting further and further as I spiraled backwards into uncertainty. Before I could scream, before I could inhale, before I could utter even the smallest of sounds, I was slammed back against something hard.

Then, there was nothing.

//

sorry for the delay on updating guys. i was on holiday and forgot my laptop charger like an idiot. oh well, enjoy! xx