November Dreams (M.C.)

Chapter Forty-Seven

       

Michael stood slowly, his arms raised and a pained look on his face.

"Babe?" He moved across the room towards me, his arms outstretched in my direction in an attempt to calm me.

"Babe, are you okay?" His fingers brushed against my skin, making my skin crawl at the slightest contact. I jumped backwards, startling Michael as I backed up against the wall. I desperately clutched at the sheets that were carelessly wrapped around me, trying in vain to shield every inch of me. I felt disgusting, used up.

It kept replaying my mind, over and over and over again like a skipping record. My heart began beating faster and faster as the scene unfolded time and time again, each one digging an even deeper, inescapable hole in my subconscious.

As the scene reset, Michael latched onto my arm, sending an intense jolt through by body. I yanked my arm from him, his eyes wide as I met them with mine.

"November, what's—"

"You need to sleep with one of the other boys. We're...I—I'm not feeling like myself right now..."

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he backed away slowly to the bed and gathered his clothes. He threw them over his head and walked slowly to the door, turning to me just before he disappeared into the hallway.

"November, what's going on?"

"Nothing," I blatantly lied, "I just need a few minutes."

He hesitated for a moment, his eyes trained on me. They were soaked in desperation and uncertainty as they bore into my own.

"Oh...okay well...I—I'll be in Calum and Ashton's room...if you need me..."

I slammed the door behind him and sunk to the floor, the sheet gathering along the floor around me. I curled up into a ball on my self-made cloud and brought my hands to dig into my scalp as the scene picked up right where it had left off...

//

The party was in full swing, bodies thrown about everywhere I turned. I stumbled through the halls, my body stumbling as I tripped over my feet. It was fair to say I had had a few. The music boomed and lights flashed as I searched for my friends.

"Calum? Cal—Calum?"

Calum was laughing hysterically in the corner, his hands both occupied with red cups as he fell all over the people around him.

"Cal! Squishy, where's Mike?"

He looked at me quickly, his eyes almost completely glazed over in his alcoholic stupor.

"Hm? Oh Michael?! Haven't seen him, ask Ash."

"Yeah but where's Ash—"

He turned away to the body next to him and threw his head back in intense laughter. He was useless when he was drunk.

I dodged my way out to the living room, apologizing as I bumped into flailing drunkards. As I emerged through the ravenous crowd, there lay Ashton. He had passed out on the couch, his hand hanging over the side with a bottle held loosely in his fingers.

I threw up my arms in frustration; finding Michael at a party was like finding a needle in a heavily intoxicated haystack. I proceeded upstairs, careful not to trip on the way up as I was know for my inability to walk when I wasn't sober. I had figured that it would be best to try my luck up here; maybe he fell asleep or got stuck in the toilet again.

I started knocking on various bedroom and bathroom doors, only to find that they were empty or occupied by people who weren't Michael. At one point, I had mistakenly knocked on a linen closet door, and apologized to the towels as I headed to the last door at the end of the hall.

I opened the door, forgetting to knock. And I wish I had knocked, looking back; maybe I wouldn't know the things I regrettably knew now. I pushed in, spilling a little of my drink as I stumbled to a stand-still.

"Michael are you in he—"

It took me a moment to realize that I had walked in on two people who clearly didn't want to walked in on.

"Oh, shit guys I'm sorry," as I turned to go, out of the corner of my eye, a small glint of fluorescent color creeped into view.

I dropped my cup, spilling its contents all around my feet as I gaped at them tangled up in the bedding.

All I could do was stare; it was like a really bad car accident. I just couldn't look away. The moans coming from the girl rocking back and forth on top of him were the only thing that snapped me back to reality.

"Michael?!" I choked. He snapped up, his eyes wide as I backed into the door, shock and a burning sensation coursing through my skin.

"Shit, shit, shit," Michael pushed the girl off of him sloppily, ignoring her as she fell onto the mattress. He jumped from the bed and threw his boxers on like his life depended on it and rushed to me on the other side of the room.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, Michael backing away at my wild expression.

"Fuck November, I'm so, so sorry!"

He moved a step closer and I brought my arms up, pushing him backwards. I could see the girl out of the corner of my eye throwing her clothes over her small frame, a familiarity about the situation; about her features.

Michael reached for my arm as I swatted him away as if he were a toxic fly. But wasn't he?

"Don't ever come near me again," I choked, shimmying through the tiny slip of the open door. My lungs burned as I desperately held in the vomit that was creeping up my throat. I needed to get away; far, far away. From him, from her, from myself. I ran down the hallway, praying to God that my body steadied in time to carry me from this hell. My world was crashing, crumbling. I could barely understand what had just happened. I don' think I would ever understand. I just wanted release.

I could hear him calling behind be, but I never stopped.

I ran and never looked back.

//