November Dreams (M.C.)

Chapter Fifty-Three (Michael's POV)

               

I awoke in the morning, the events of the night before still painfully fresh in my mind. Like scars that hadn't scabbed yet. My heart really sank when I rolled over, ready to greet November with the sweetest of good-morning-kisses, only for her spot to be occupied by someone else. It was a lonely feeling, even still. Even though I was waking up next to someone, it wasn't the same. Not if it wasn't November. I might as well have been waking up to an empty bed, because that's what it felt like anyways.

She rolled over and looked at me with heavy eyes; she was still aching too. It would be this way for a while, perhaps even our entire lives. And I don't think I could ever get used to waking up with this feeling every morning and going to bed feeling exactly the same. That was a hell I never wanted to experience, as inevitable as it seemed.

We were quiet, the dull sun streaming through the tiny slit in the blackout curtains. The silence was making me sick, filling me up with an unsettling anxiety. Czara let out a small sigh and shifted onto her back, her hooded eyes trained on the speckled ceiling.

"Now what?" She breathed, the question seeming to hang in the air for a moment after it left her lips.

I sat up and buried my head in my hands before running them over my face and then through my tangled mess of hair. I could feel her shift beside me as she pulled herself up to meet me on the edge of the mattress.

"Are you okay, Mike?"

I exhaled every ounce of oxygen that was settled in my lungs before turning to her.

"Honestly, Czara? I have no idea where to go from here."

She rubbed soothing circles on my back as we really soaked it in.

"Well, don't you guys have one of the last concerts tonight?"

"Yeah, we do. I just don't know....I don't know where I stand with everyone. How am I supposed to perform with Luke?"

And then I realized that this could have a bigger effect on things than I had originally thought. Now, my band was at stake, my friendships, my passion. Now, because of my actions, it all was hanging in the balance.

//

When we emerged from the room, it seemed that everyone had left for the venue already. Not that I had expected them to wait for us anyways.

We piled into the van as Dave buzzed down the freeway and parked behind the stage away from prying eyes. If fans saw us arriving together, they might have gotten the wrong idea. Truth be told, a press storm was the last thing any of us needed right now.

Czara and I shuffled tiredly up the stairs; the second we emerged on the stage we could feel the eyes upon us. Luke and November stood painfully close to each other, forcing a giant lump to appear in my throat, while Ashton and Calum sat on the edge of the stage talking with our opening act. Czara shot me an unreadable glance as she squeezed my hand before she joined Calum and Ashton.

It was an unnerving feeling, no one acknowledging your presence except for a disapproving glance. Luke and November were making it obvious that they didn't want to be bothered; to be honest, I was surprised she showed up at all today. I knew she didn't want to be bothered, and I wouldn't be surprised if Luke hit me again, but I needed to try. I needed to talk to her. And I knew this might be my last shot. Who knew if she would still be here tomorrow.

I exhaled sharply and walked up to her slowly, my eyes trained on the ground. When Luke noticed me approaching them, he stood up straight and got closer to November, his fists clenched at his sides. He was protecting her and I didn't blame him. When she noticed his movement, she rested her eyes on me, her cold stare boring through me. I almost turned around, but I couldn't. Everything was riding on this one last try.

"November?"

She inched closer to Luke, her arms crossed over her chest to shield herself from me. As if I were some monster.

But wasn't I?

Her look was all but welcoming, but damn it, I needed to try.

"Nove?"

She scoffed at the mention of her nickname.

"What do you want, Michael?" Luke spoke up.

"I just want to talk. Please, November?"

Her arms unfolded slowly as her eyes narrowed, but I could see behind the hate that they were glossed over. She was on the brink.

"Haven't you done enough?" Luke growled, grabbing her hand. It made me twitch, seeing them that close; him touching her, breathing the same air as her. But compared to my indiscretion, this was nothing. I should be happy that she had him to defend her; maybe he could save her in a way I never could.

"Can't you let her decide for herself, Luke?" I spewed through gritted teeth. His eyes locked with mine in a territorial stare-down. He wasn't going to let me get close to her, no matter how badly I needed her. No matter how badly she needed to hear what I sought to explain.

November approached me quickly, catching me off guard as she shoved me backwards with all the strength her tiny frame could muster.

"Why can't you understand that I don't want to hear anything you have to say to me?!" She all but yelled, heaving in and out in pent-up frustration.

"November, I...please..." I stepped closer, my arms outstretched to her.

"No!" She shoved me again, harder this time, grunting as her hands connected with my chest.

"November—"

"No! No! No!" She shoved with every syllable, tears finally spilling over her pain-stricken eyes. Luke ran forward and grabbed her shoulders, directing her shaking frame into him, his arms wrapping around her torso as she sobbed heavily into his chest. Luke tightened his grip as his eyes met mine, the rage building behind his dilated pupils.

"I think you should wait backstage, Michael."

"Please, I—"

"Michael, just go!" Luke bellowed, echoing past Novembers hushed sobs.

Nothing could bring me back now; nothing could bring us back now. I shuffled away from them, Luke's eyes following me until I was out of sight. I pulled myself into the tiny room backstage and waited. Waited in silence, waited alone. Waited with no light. Waited until it felt like the walls were about to close in on me. I just wanted this tour to be over. I wanted to be away from it all, I wanted to survive.

But it seemed that now, with everyone and everything rooting against me, that that was more impossible than ever.