Spiderman's Sister

The flight back

Bucky: Baby? Can you make it to the car alone?

As if filtered through wool, I hear James, but I can't answer. It's almost as if I was paralyzed after the phone call with Colin. Even without watching the video, I can see it continuously in front of me. My brother...... abused........ and it's all because of me...... because i rejecting a man I'm not interested in. Suddenly I'm lifted up and find myself in James's arms. I cling to him and let go, but only hesitantly, when he places me in the passenger seat of the Jeep. He straps me in and kisses me on the forehead.

Bucky: I promise you, everything will be okay.

I wish I could believe he was right. But right now I just can't. James closes the door and walks around the car. Then he gets in and drives out of the driveway and back toward the airport. It's only now that I realize that while I was sitting on the sofa like a ghost, James must have packed all of our stuff. Great, so it's not just my fault that Peter is going through hell right now, no, it's also my fault that we have to end our trip early. I just want to wake up and realize that this is all a bad dream. A new flood of tears makes its way to the surface. Not wanting to worry James any more than he already is, I turn my head to the side and stare out the window, my vision blurring with tears. After a few minutes, probably because he noticed that I was hiding from him by turning my face away, he reached for my hand and squeezed it gently. Even though I know I can show him my emotions, I can't bring myself to look at him. As always, it's all my fault. I don't even notice how time flies, but suddenly we're at the airport and standing in front of the private jet we came here on. I'm still too shocked to do anything. James seems to notice this too. Because again he is the one who lifts me out of the car and carries me onto the plane. There he sets me down on the bed before going back outside. I curl up on the bed and pull my phone out. I have to watch the video again. I need to find something, some clue as to where Colin might be holding Peter captive. I watch it again and again, but I find absolutely nothing. No wonder, it doesn't take long before my vision becomes blurry again with tears. 

Bucky: What are you doing?

I didn't even notice that James got back on the plane. What a stupid question. What does it look like? Trying to figure out clues from the video.

Bucky: Okay, enough. Give me that.

He points to my phone, but I don't think about giving it to him. So quickly that I can't do anything about it, he just took it away from me. I stare at him in disbelief.

Bucky: You're not going to spend the flight home watching the video and torturing yourself.

What the hell? What does he think he's doing? Suddenly I'm no longer numb and paralyzed but damn angry. I stand up and stand in front of him.

Victoria: Give me back my phone.

I say with audible anger in my voice.

Bucky: No. I won't let you do this to yourself.

Victoria: Give me back my phone!

I'm shocked myself because I screamed. When I realize I yelled at him, I feel even crappier than before. I'm afraid he'll just turn around and leave now. But no, he doesn't move at all and seems completely calm.

Bucky: Baby... you can yell at me... I dunno, hit me, do whatever you need to feel better. But I won't watch you torture yourself.

What kind of stupid bitch am I? James seriously stands in front of me and gives me permission to hit him just so I can let out my anger? Not that I would think about it for a second, I already hate myself for yelling at him. Out of desperation, am I acting like a little child even though I have the sweetest, most caring man in the world by my side? Feelings of guilt and anger overwhelm me again and I cry and sob violently. The next moment I find myself in Bucky's arms. At first I try to resist him, but then I wrap my arms around him and bury my face on his chest. 

Bucky: I promise you baby, we'll get Peter out of there. And if we do that, this Colin will wish he was never born.

Victoria: I just want him to be safe.

Bucky: I promise you, he will be.

When the tears eventually subside, I lean back a little and look at him.

Victoria: I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean to.

Gently, he takes my face in his hands.

Bucky: It's okay. If that's what you needed in the moment, I'm more than happy to be the one you yell at.

I hug him again and start crying again. James is so wonderful. I don't know what I would do without him right now.

Victoria: I love you James.

Bucky: I love you too Victoria.

He kisses the top of my head.

Bucky: Everything's going to be okay.

Once the plane is in the air, James helps me into more comfortable clothes before leaving the jet's bedroom to make me some tea. I crawl into bed, still hoping that this is all a bad dream.

Bucky: Here, drink this. The packaging says that the tea is supposed to have a calming effect.

I sit up and take the cup he holds out to me.

Victoria: Thank you baby.

While I sip my tea - which doesn't taste bad at all - James puts on something comfortable and slips into bed with me.

Bucky: Come here.

He stretches out his arms. I hand him the cup to place on the bedside table and snuggle up to him once he did it. Again he whispers to me that everything will be okay. I don't know what to say to that, so I just don't say anything. To somehow break the silence in the room and the thoughts in my head, I turn on the TV. This only helps a little. It doesn't take long for James to fall asleep and snore quietly. Even though I'm dead tired, I can't manage to sleep for a second. As soon as I close my eyes I see Peter in front of me - bleeding, fighting for his life. So while James sleeps, I lie there and cry silently. I'm sure James would want me to wake him up so I'm not alone with my emotions. But somehow I want to be alone with it right now. At least one of us should sleep to keep a clear head.