Spiderman's Sister

Just leave me alone

Six days have passed. Six days in which there was no news whatsoever. Six days in which Peter continues to be exposed to Colin's violence. Six days in which Bruce and Tony were unable to trace the video because Colin encrypted it so well that the two of them reached their limits. Six days in which I tried unsuccessfully to contact the two teachers with whom Peter was on the school trip and four days in which the school just kept putting me off and saying that everything must be fine, otherwise the teachers would have contacted me. Six days in which I didn't sleep, eat or even speak to anyone. I can't stand their worried looks anymore. And the fact that they change topics of conversation as soon as I walk into a room drives me nuts. Why would they do that if everything was fine? They wouldn't do it if everything was fine and there was only a slight chance of finding Peter. Six days of James trying to distract me in every possible way, which annoys me more than anything else. I don't want to distract myself, I want my brother back. Six days in which I don't even share a bed with him anymore. I don't sleep anyway and in all my desperation I can't stand his care. I lie down with him in the evening, but get up as soon as he falls asleep. I know it's not fair and he can't help the situation, but I can't help it right now. I can't take any of this anymore. Today I locked myself in the bathroom all morning until James eventually gave up trying to talk me out of there and just left. I have no idea where he's gone, but somehow I don't care. As soon as I was sure he was gone, I came out of the bathroom, sat on the bed and stared out the window. That was a good three hours ago now. At some point I hear the door to the room open, but I don't bother to see who it is. Doesn't matter anyway.

Bucky: I brought you something to eat.

James suddenly stands next to me and places a tray of toast and fruit on the bed. Not again. Since we came back, he has brought me food three times a day - for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And every time he puts the tray away a few hours later, untouched. What doesn't he understand about the fact that I'm not hungry?!

Victoria: I'm not hungry.

I murmur without looking at him.

Bucky: Baby, you need to eat. Please.....

Can't he just leave me alone? Seeing how bad he feels because I feel bad doesn't make my situation any more bearable. And the fact that he tries again and again makes me really angry. I need to get out of here, away from him, before I say or do anything rash.

Victoria: I don't want to eat anything!

I scream, jumping up from the bed and running out of the room. Unlike usual, James follows me this time. In the living room, right in front of the kitchen, he caught up with me and is holding me by the wrist.

Bucky: Stop running from me all the time and talk to me.

Victoria: Nobody asked you to run after me.

Bucky: Nobody has to ask me to do that. You're my girlfriend. I love you and worry about you.

Victoria: Then stop worrying. I'm fine. 

Bucky: I see that. That's why you don't eat or sleep. What's your plan, huh? Starve yourself to death just because you blame yourself?

I know that doesn't do anyone any good. But how can I be here, feeling rested and good, when my little brother is going through hell because of me? I just don't deserve this.

Bucky: No answer is also an answer. But I won't let you destroy yourself.

He takes a step towards me and is about to hug me. I can't stand that. I take two steps back and put some distance between us again.

Victoria: No... I... I can't do it now.

Bucky: Am I not even allowed to touch you anymore?

Victoria: Exactly! This isn't about what you want.

Bucky: It's not just about what you want either!

James yelled at me. He's never done that before. The whole last few days he has been nothing but calm and loving. Now I've destroyed that too. What if I destroy us with my behavior? Through the doubts comes the anger that I have felt since Colin contacted me in Iceland. Maybe it's better that way when James is angry. Then maybe he'll finally leave me alone.

Victoria: Then just leave me alone! Apparently you can't stand me and my behavior anymore, so just leave!

Wanda: Stop! Enough now. It doesn't do anyone any good if you argue. Vicky, you're coming with me. Sam, you take Bucky with you.

Shocked, I stare at Wanda and then at Sam. I was so focused on keeping James away from me that I didn't notice that she and Sam were sitting in the kitchen, witnessing the whole argument. When I make no move to go anywhere, Wanda grabs my arm and pulls me behind her towards the elevator. When the elevator opens, Nat stands in it and looks at us confused. Instead of explaining anything, Wanda just pushes me in and presses the button to go down, Nat still inside.

Nat: What's going on here?

Victoria: Nothing.

Wanda: Nothing?! Vicky and Bucky just had a very heated argument.

Nat: Why?

Wanda: Because Bucky is clearly losing patience and can no longer watch Vicky starve herself to death.

Nat: He's not the only one.

Victoria: Great, now you're blaming me too.

Since I don't know where else I want to go and I'm definitely not going to stand here in the lobby, I go out into the garden, even though it is damn cold outside. Hoping that the two of them would just leave me alone. What don't they understand about the fact that I don't want to talk to anyone?! But unfortunately, the two of them don't do me the favor of just leaving. No, they follow me into the garden.

Nat: We don't blame you Vicky. We're all just scared and worried about you.

Victoria: There's no reason for that.

Wanda: Yes, there is. And if you are honest with yourself, you will see that too.

Of course I know that other people's concerns are justified. Still, I just can't stand it. I just don't know how to explain this to anyone. Despair overcomes me and I start to cry uncontrollably. Without resistance, I let Wanda take me in her arms before Nat joins her and they both hold me until I'm so exhausted that there are no more tears.

Victoria: I just feel so damn helpless. I'm so scared for Peter.

Wanda: And that's absolutely fine.

Nat: Still, Peter certainly wouldn't want you to punish yourself.

Wanda: And Bucky is just as overwhelmed by the whole situation as you are. He just wants to do what he can to make you feel better.

I know that too. And even though he's never been anything other than loving and caring toward me, in the last few days I've done nothing other than yell at him, push him away, and snap at him. It's a wonder he didn't just give up and leave.

Victoria: I haven't exactly been a good girlfriend to him these past few days, right?

Nat: Absolutely.

Victoria: That's not funny Nat.

Nat: Actually it is.

Victoria: Whatever......

Wanda: Come on, let's go back inside, it's freezing out here.

Victoria: Go ahead. I... I need a moment for myself.

Nat: Are you sure?

I nod and hesitantly the two of them go back inside. Finally - finally I have peace and quiet. Nobody who forces me to talk, nobody who wants me to pull myself together. Just me and the cold. I walk over to the small bench that faces the woods and sit down. I don't know how things should go on... how things can go on.......