heaven has gained an angel

27. This is not Prism

Chapter 27: This is not Prism

Prism

I don't know what went wrong to me. Hindi ko makilala ang sarili ko sa mga oras na 'to, I know this is not me. This is not Prism. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, ito 'yong Prism na nalaman niyang naaksidente ang kaniyang kapatid at papa niya. Ganitong-ganito siya noon. He was devastated. He doesn't know what to do with his life anymore. He felt numb and empty. He was clueless.

And today's version of Prism, he was lost. Again.

I found myself staring in the deep and mindlessly walking down the street, hindi alam kung saan mapapadpad. Natuyo na 'yong luha ko pero 'yong lungkot, nakatanim pa rin sa dibdib ko. I'm weak at this moment.

I don't understand what I am feeling. It is built by sadness, guilt, grief, heavy, everything.

Nothing hurts more than receiving the news that your mom was about to kill herself. Nothing hurts.

Ilang sandali ay nakarinig ako ng isang malakas na busina.

Huminto ang kotse sa likuran ko. "Hijo! Masasagasaan ka, eh. Tumingin ka naman sa dinadaanan mo!" nagmumula ang sigaw na iyon sa isang matandang lalaking nakasilip sa bintana ng kotse niya. His face was almost red in disgust.

It made me came back with my senses. "Sorry ho!" Nagmadali akong gumilid pa lalo sa tabi ng kalsada. Hindi ko namalayang wala na ako sa sidewalk.

"Gusto mo pang sirain ang araw ko! Umuwi ka na lang! Kapag nabunggo naman, obligado pang ipa-hospital. Kami pa may kasalanan. Kayo 'tong tatang*-tang* sa daan," pahabol nitong lintanya bago ipinaharurot nang mabilis ang kaniyang sasakyan.

I heaved a deep breath and my tears started to pool out at the edge of my eyes again. Tama bang lumabas ako ng bahay?

Kinuha ko ang phone ko sa bulsa.

"Huy. Bakit? Napatawag ka?" tanong ni Ayara sa kabilang linya. Ewan ko ba but I just find myself dialed her phone number. "Don't tell me you miss me already?" she even throw a joke but I can't laugh.

"Are you busy?" I asked instead.

"No, I'm resting. Why?" she confused. Nabakas niya siguro sa boses ko na hindi ito normal at hindi ako tumugon sa joke niya.

"I-I need you right now," I finally said almost in a whisper. Ako 'yong nagbilin sa kaniya na tawagan niya lang ako 'pag kailangan niya ako noong naghiwalay kami kanina. Who would have thought it turns out I'm the one who actually needs her?

"Wait, are you crying?" nagkaroon ng pag-alala sa boses niya. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm crying. Again." Tumawa ako nang kaunti. "And I'm not really okay." There's no point denying.

"Why? What happened?"

"Can we meet? I know you said you wanted to be alone but I badly want to see you. I'm not myself right now," I requested.

Narinig ko ang malalim na paghinga niya na para bang may napagtanto siya. "Napagalitan ka ba ni Tita? Oh my, I'm really sorry. Dapat pala umuwi na agad tayo kahapon. It's my fault. Can I talk to her?"

"Hindi, that's not the case. You did nothing wrong," I assured her.

"Then, tell me what's the problem?"

I did not answer her question. "Please, let's just meet. Tabihan mo ako. Kahit one hour lang, iiyak lang ako. Pagkatapos, uwi ka na. Puwede ba iyon?"

"Oo naman. Where are you? Nasa bahay ka ba?"

"Wala, eh."

"Saan? Makulimlim sa labas, ah." I looked up and stared at the sky. Tama siya, kung hindi niya pa sinabi, hindi ko pa mapapansin, ganoon pa rin ang hitsura nito simula noong bumungad sa amin kaninang umaga. The sky has its dark grey color and soon, kaunting-kaunti na lang ay parang iiyak na rin ito. Too bad, I didn't bring umbrella but it don't matter with my current situation.