heaven has gained an angel

29. My Favorite Distraction

Chapter 29: My Favorite Distraction

Prism

Tita Betty words still lingering in my mind. I doubted it. Nasa magulong estado pa 'yong utak ko pero dahil sa mga sinabi pa niya, mas nagulo ito. I know to myself that I'm trying to know more things about Ayara, it's just that there is some crucial information I haven't known about her and I'm just waiting for her to say it because she used to avoid it. Ang mabigat kong ipinagtataka ay kung bakit naging ganoon si Tita Betty, it seemed she knows something about her that's why she warned me.

I turned off all the lights. Bago ako dumaretso sa kuwarto ko, pinihit ko muna ang pinto ng kuwarto ni Mama at bahagyang sumilip dito para i-check siya. I wanted to achieve a peaceful mind before I go to sleep. Nadatnan kong nakahiga na ito, tanging lampshade ang nagbibigay tanglaw sa buong kuwarto niya.

"Good night, 'Ma," I said, not really sure if she's still awake.

Gumalaw ito nang kaunti. She turned around at me. The comforting smile warmed her face. "Good night, son. I love you," that's a very motherly way and it made my heart feel at ease.

"I love you too, 'Ma. Always remember me, dito lang po ako. I won't leave you," puno ng pagmamahal kong pagkakasabi.

I prayed to God that my mother won't give up, if she does, I don't really ever know how to continue. I need her to stay. I need her in my life.

She nods. "Promise. You shouldn't worry, I'm okay. Sleep well, sweetie. Dito lang din ako for you."

I'm happy to hear those words yet I'm aware she's not okay.

She's hiding her true feelings.

She may not admit it but I'm sure about it. People kept saying that they're okay and they're tough enough but knowing inside of them, they are clearly broken, they carry so much pain, they just don't want to feel like a burden to anyone with their problems. Wala naman nagiging okay in an instant but I'm willing to be there just to help her.

I don't believe when people say that they are okay. Feelings are easy to fake through mouth, and these are the people you shouldn't leave behind.

"Sige, 'Ma, magpapahinga na rin po ako." Nagsukli ako ng ngiti at akma ko nang isasarado ang pinto ngunit narinig kong muli siyang nagsalita.

"Sorry, son. I'm really sorry."

"Just be strong, 'Ma. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo."

Naniniwala pa rin ako na matatag ang nanay ko, nothing would change that. Dumating man sa puntong pasuko na siya, may rason kung bakit hindi natuloy 'yon at alam kong kakayanin na niya dahil sa akin. Ako ang nagmimistulang lakas niya kaya kailangan kong ipakitang malakas din ako.

I headed up to my room to finally take a rest. It's too much for this day. I'm hoping for better days ahead.

-

True to Ayara's words, nagpunta kami kay Kuya Carlo para samahan akong magtrabaho. Mabuti na lang at hindi siya busy. It's been a quite long time since the last time I worked here and I was too excited. More than one week akong hindi sumipot dahil nag-focus ako sa final exams kaya alam kong marami na akong utang na oras kay Kuya Carlo.

"Ang bango," Ayara commented as we neared Kuya Carlo's paresan. I miss that smell.

Abot na abot agad sa malayo ang amoy ng pares at hindi maitatangging nakatatakam iyon. Hindi nakapagtataka kung bakit dinadayo at paulit-ulit binabalik-balikan ang paresan ni Kuya Carlo, talagang mapapahinto ang mga tao 'pag nadaan dahil sa amoy.

"Nakakagutom, 'no?" sabi ko sabay hawak sa tiyan.

"Kaya nga."

As we turned right, we immediately saw Kuya Carlo on his usual spot, at the side of the road with his food cart. "Kuya Carlo!" ngiting tawag ko sa pangalan niya. His attention turned at me, he looks quite shock for a moment. Kasalukuyan siyang abala sa pag-aayos ng mga garnish ng pares. Malapit nang mag-alas kuwatro kaya malamang may mga customer nang darating in a while.