heaven has gained an angel

28. Rethink

Chapter 28: Rethink

Prism

"Buo na ba talaga desisyon mo? I think I have to remind this to you." Nagtitimpla ako ng apple juice rito sa kusina noong hindi ko namalayan ang paglapit ni Tita Betty sa akin, parang may gusto siyang pag-usapan na isang mahalagang bagay.

"What is it po, Tita?" I politely asked as I poured the powdered juice in a glass jug.

"Hindi mo ba talaga tatanggapin 'yong in-offer ni Mommy na tumira kayo ng Mama mo sa Singapore?" pag-open niya ng topic. "I just remembered."

I started to stir the juice. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya, she was waiting for my answer. I even noticed her eyes were swollen from crying. I heaved a deep breath. "Tita, I already declined. Final na po 'yon."

She nodded subtly. "I know. Ang aking lang, I'm just hoping you could change your mind considering what happened last night. Think twice, Prism."

Napahinto ako sa paghalo. Napitik ang utak ko nang makuha ko ang nais niyang iparating. Hindi ako nakapagsalita agad dahil napaisip ako bigla. I continued stirring. "Do you really think we have to? Is this the right time po to accept the opportunity?" paghingi ko ng tulong.

Napadpad ang paningin niya sa bandang dining area na kung saan ay masayang nagkukuwentuhan sina Ayara at Mama roon. Seeing Mama with her happy face now, hindi aakalaing tinangka niyang bawian ang buhay ng kaniyang sarili kagabi. It haunts me. Nandito pa rin 'yong pangamba sa loob ko even though she already made a promise. Parang nakatatakot masilayan ang ngiti niya, deep inside, kapag mag-isa na lang siya, suicide na 'yong nasa isip niya. The pain is silently killing her.

Kumuha si Tita Betty ng baso na malapit sa kaniya. "Practically, I would say yes," she answered, keeping her eyes on them. "Actually, matagal na dapat kayong lumipad sa Singapore so you both won't suffer here. Me and Mommy already discussed it months after mamatay tatay mo at si Thomas. We planned to transfer you with your mom in Singapore so you can live a comfortable life. Nandoon 'yong iba mo pang Tito na talagang hindi kayo pababayaan. May naghihintay na magandang buhay sa inyong dalawa ng Mama mo roon. Unfortunately, na-stroke naman Mama mo. During that time, hindi madaling lumipat kayo ng bansa para mag-asikaso ng papel kaya nagsumikap na lang si Mommy na magpadala ng financial support para makatulong kaya kailan lang niya kayo na-inform, akala niya nga ay papayag kayo." She returned her sight at me. "Prism, despite of what happened last night, for you, is this the right time? Again, she attempt suicide and that's horrible and it's not possible to happen again."

Tikom ang bibig ko. I don't know what to say.

Napatingin ako sa kawalan. I need to rethink carefully. Tuloy lang ako sa paghalo ng juice kahit alam kong na-dissolve na 'yong powder. Malaking desisyon ito. Unti-unti akong nakukumbinsi pero sabi ng puso ko, paano si Ayara? Part of me, I would agree on Tita Betty's opinion. It would be better for us to live in Singapore. Clearly, mas maaalagaan si Mama roon at kampante akong hindi na mangyayari 'yong nangyari kagabi dahil bantay na bantay siya.

Kaso nga, paano si Ayara?

Nahinto lang ako sa paghalo nang kunin ni Tita 'yong pitsel mula sa harapan ko at nagsalin sa kaniyang baso. "Pero alam kong mahihirapan ka ring mag-adjust kapag nandoon ka na. It's not easy for you to continue your study in Singapore. And I know as well you can't just leave her," she was referring to Ayara. "Right? She's your everything and she's alone. You mean so much to her. 'Pag iniwan mo siya, malulungkot siya for sure."

I nodded a little.

She's right.

I can't leave her alone. She needs me.