heaven has gained an angel

30. Comfotable Silence

Chapter 30: Comfortable Silence

Prism

Nakahiga lang ako sa kama, walang ginagawa, nanghihiyang pa rin, staring at the ceiling until I heard my phone beep. Walang gana ko iyon kinuha sa gilid ng ulunan ko.

I saw Ayara's name on the screen of my phone. I pressed the view button.

Ayara:
Labas ka, I'm here outside. May dala akong ice cream. : )

After reading her message, my eyes were wide open a bit and eventually, I couldn't help but smile. I spakled with joy. Mahabang oras na 'yong lumipas buhat noong sinabi kong mamaya na lang ulit kaming mag-usap dahil sa panghihinayang, hindi ko na naisipang i-message pa siya no'n at itinulog ko na lang. She didn't send me a message either, just now.

Napabalikwas ako ng bangon at mabilis tumakbo papuntang pintuan ng bahay upang silipin siya, that's when I realized it's already dark outside. I don't mind if I look messy and stress. I won't deny it, I felt the energy flowing through my body when I saw her at our gate.

She's there. She's there for me.

Sa isang iglap, nawala lungkot ko. Nakita ko na siya, eh. Masaya na ako ulit.

"Why are you here? Madilim na, oh," I asked her out of surprise as I opened the gate. I didn't expect her to come here.

I studied her face, medyo pa naiilang siya. "I get tired of waiting for your message and call, so ako na 'yong gumawa ng paraan para makita ka."

Napakamot ako ng ulo. "Sorry," I apologized. "Nakatulog din kasi ako maghapon, eh. Actually, I just woke up when I received your message."

"No worries. Ikaw? Ayos ka na ba? I know you are disappointed and sad with your grades kahit hindi mo naman aminin sa akin. And I want to let you know that your feelings are valid, too," pangangamusta niya, malamlam ang boses.

"Do I look sad?" Itinuro ko ang mukha ko.

"No, because you're smiling."

"Well, I am not sad anymore," nakangiti kong sambit. "This is not fake."

"How?" kunot-noo niyang tanong.

"Because you're in front of me. Nandito ka, everything just feels better. It means, I'm complete again."

Hindi manlang siya kinilig sa sinabi ko. "Baliw. Bumabanat ka na naman."

"Totoo 'yon, hindi banat."

She winced. "Alam mo i-ice cream mo na lang 'yan. May dala ako, oh." Itinaas niya ang hawak niya at binigyan ako ng isang pilit na ngiti.

"I have no reason to say no. Tara sa loob," pagyaya ko sa kaniya para pumasok sa loob ng bahay. However, she didn't move. "What's wrong?" I asked, slowly lifted down my smile.

"Are you busy?" she asked instead.

Umiling ako. "Hindi naman. Bakit?"

"Sakto, halika. Can we step out for a while? Lakad-lakad?"

Ganoon pala ang gusto niya kaya hindi siya nagalaw. Sa palagay ko, kailangan ko nga 'yon. Besides, walking at night with her is a pretty romantic. I locked myself in my room after I found out I failed to be part of dean's list, for hating myself. I'm not competitive person but I just disappointed. Kaya naman, kailangan ko ng hangin kahit papaano. I'm glad Ayara is here. Although I know it's okay to be sad, it's okay to feel weak, it's okay to spend your time alone, dahil alam ko rin naman na sandali lang ang pagmumukmok. I'm fragile at this point and I need a pause. Sadyang kinailangan ko lang maging malungkot dahil 'yon ang nararamdaman ko pero hindi ko nakalilimutan 'yong halaga ko. I'm proud of myself.