Hunter's Chance

t h i r t e e n

My eyes flutter open and then instantly squint as the sun fills my bedroom. I lay there for a minute while my mind takes a lap. Processing everything that happened last night. Oh no! I sit up as the warmth of a man's arm is stretched over my stomach. James. How could I have fallen asleep? I grab the flimsy arm off my body and toss it over to his side in frustration. I opened up to him about my dad. My dad.

I sit up on the side of my bed as my legs dangle over the edge. I look around my room for some sort of sign, some sort of hint from the universe that this could all be a dream. He's here, in my bed, snoring. It's quiet but I can still hear it and I want nothing more than to smack the smug grin on his face as he dreams about whatever his type of person dreams about.

I stand up and open my bedroom door looking both ways before darting across the hall to the bathroom. I hear Cass open her bedroom door, but I quickly slam the bathroom door shut behind me as she runs and pounds her hand on the wood.

"I have to pee, Rae!" She says and I don't have to see her to know that she's dancing on the other end of the door trying to hold it in.

I let the water run as I sit on the side of the bathtub. My hands are running over my face and through my hair as I try to understand why I'm so pissed off. I didn't want to open up to him, not about me and especially not about my dad. I bite on the inside of my cheek as my mind traces back over the last few days.

James.

What I'd give for him to be like the others and just let me go. Instead he's showing up at all the right times and saying all of the right things. He's like a perfectly scripted Ken doll, only better looking and more suitable for someone like me.

Is he though? Could he handle all that's underneath this mess of a person that I am? I don't know. How am I supposed to know that when I don't even know his last name? I've never questioned myself. I mean I've never had to. My hesitation is enough indication that this time is different.

But why is it different? Is it because I feel some sort of comfort with him? Comfort. What a strange declaration coming from me. I'm a broken person. Every piece of me lies in shatters on the ground beneath me as I've made a habit in dodging the shards. It's as if I walk with content, as a black cloud plays overhead.

That was until days ago when my life that was so casually spent in black and white, came flooding through in vibrant color.

James.

I got a taste of what that life is like and now I'm finding it so hard to rid myself of the fascination. It's the appeal. It has to be. Though deep down I know that really it's because I'm too proud to admit it. Admit that I could be into him, into James.

Cool it Hunter.

Habits are forming, standing at guard with their armor as they battle these newfound... feelings. Is that what this is? Am I gaining feelings for him? Of course you are! My subconscious snubs.

I jump to my feet when Cass bangs on the door again, this time threatening my life if I don't let her in. I stand with my hands grasping both sides of the sink, staring at the person looking back at me. "What the hell..." I shrug to myself, forcing my lips together to hide my smile. "What do I have to lose?"

I take a deep breath and open the door. Cass pushes past me, not even bothering to close the door as she squats down to pee. I laugh and shake my head before sliding down the wooden floors of our hallway back into my bedroom.

I feel elated. Intoxicated even, by this feeling. A massive smile has developed on my face when I step into my bedroom. My eyes dart to the bed where I now see that James is awake. His back is turned to me and he's sitting on the edge of the bed.

I'm observing him from afar. He's slightly hunched over, showing every single muscle in his back where they are perfectly defined against his white t-shirt. My head tilts and my chest is thumping as I embrace the tsunami of emotions I feel in this moment. He's attractive, smart, and he has just enough arrogance for me to handle.

Am I ready to do this? To cannonball into this new world of feelings and emotions? I think so. And before I can convince myself to change my mind, I'm making my way towards him. As if feeling my presence, he turns to me and my smile quickly fades. My eyes widen and I immediately feel rage building in my body.

"What in the hell are you doing?" I yell as I charge directly at him.

"I, I-"

"No! You don't get to talk." I say as I rip the piece of paper from his hands. "Get out!" I yell as I point towards the door.

"Rae, I didn't mean t-"

"I said GET OUT!" I yell as Cass rushes to the bedroom door on the other end. She looks at James, then to me as she takes in the sight in front of her.

This is the letter that's been haunting me for two years. The letter my ghost of a father was holding just two days ago. James just sat here and read the words that even after two years, I can't build up the courage to hear. What gave him the right? Hearing my sob story mere hours ago? I knew to listen to my gut.

And here I was, so stupidly thinking of giving this a shot. Ha! I let out a small laugh to myself.

"Rae," James says as he steps towards me.

"I think you should go." Cass says as she side steps, giving him full access to escape and indicating that he should do so.

I feel James eyes on me as he silently pleads. When I give no response, he turns and walks out of my bedroom without a word. Cassidy rushes to my side, her arms are around me holding me tightly. My entire body is shaking, my thoughts are in shambles, and when one tear escapes my eyes, the rest come in a downpour.

I knew it.

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