Hunter's Chance

t w e n t y

It was go time.

"Okay," I started, shifting my purse further on my back. "There's a technique."

"A technique?"

"Yes, a technique." I said pressing my hands to window as it slowly slid open. "You can't land on my bed, your shoes are filthy."

"Are they?"

"Yes, so you have to do a flip thingy off the left side."

"A flip thingy?"

"Look," I said folding my arms of my chest. "You can either shut up and do what I say or you can stay somewhere else tonight. It's up to you."

He considered his options, while I was biting the inside of my lip and thinking to myself that maybe this was a bad idea. It was a form of habit to distance myself from James but this was so much more than that. He already knew more about me than I would have ever wanted him to. And now, as we stood huddled in the window well just outside of my childhood bedroom, I realized something. I'm not just scared of what this whole thing with James could mean, I am completely and utterly terrified.

"Here," I started, reaching up and grabbing a hold of the well, "I need a boost."

"What?"

I lifted my leg, "A boost." I said. "I'll walk you to your truck."

"You want me to leave?"

I let go of the ledge, taking a step back as I pushed out a breathe of air. "This" I said gesturing between the two of us, "is a bad idea."

"And why is that?"

"Because," I whispered abruptly.

But then he stopped me, taking a step forward, reaching for my waist, and whispered, "I'm sorry." He didn't say why, but then he never really needed to. I knew. He reached down, kissed me on the cheek and then like it took nothing at all, he reached up and pressed down as he pulled himself out of the window well.

I stood still though, running through everything that just happened. "That's it?" I whispered to myself. Maybe it's for the best, I thought. I considered this while the voice in my head repeatedly told me: you can't have it both ways.

So maybe I had been selfish in thinking that I could have my cake and eat it too. I was reliant on the fact that this, whatever it is, was there as a backup plan, a go-to when everything else fell through. This is what I want, isn't it? A clean break, no ties. It really was so easy.

No, I thought, lifting my hands above my head. I won't settle for that.

I could feel the grass between my toes as I left footprints of frustration throughout the yard. I saw him then, rounding the front of his truck, swinging his keys on his pointer finger in that way that he does and just as he's about to open the door, I make myself known.

"Hey!" I shout, as I march towards his truck. "What in the hell was that?"

"Rae,"

"No," I say, walking up to him and snatching the keys out of his hand. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to come here just to leave." I huff, shaking my head. "And do you want to know something else? I opened up to you, I told you things that no one else knows about me, about my dad..."

"I know but-"

I raised my hand, stopping him mid-phrase when a thought occurred to me. "I don't know anything about you." I whispered looking down at the ground. "I don't even know your last name, or where you were brought up. I don't know you at all." I said taking a step back.