Hunter's Chance

t w e n t y - s e v e n

Hours had passed now and I was lying on James chest as the drumming of his heartbeat thumped in my ear. He was running his fingers up and down my bare back as I realized that something had changed between us. There was a light rain drizzling on the window just above us as I lied there recalling his lips brushing against my skin and the way his back muscles contracted and how it felt when he made promises to love me forever. I silently prayed that he was telling the truth.

Not that I needed the reassurance or did I? Those words were like the medicine to cure my aching soul. I didn't know if I loved him back but what I did know was that when he used those words, it fixed something inside of me. Right where I had been using old mangled duct tape, he came in with the glue.

I love you Raegan Hunter, I always have.

I was so used to jumping the fence and running as far away as I could from anything that was possibly good in my life but so quickly I learned that this was something I couldn't run from. Whether my broken down soul ever wanted to admit it or not, I want-no need, I need James.

I need his incapability to outrun me in a race. I need his unshaved face scratching my cheek when he kisses me. I need his warm embrace and the way that his skin smells when he just got out of the shower. I need his hands that coincide so perfectly with mine.

I need him. Despite my doubts and terrible need to ruin anything worth while, I realized that I longed for what we have. What I couldn't deny was that this all seemed real to me. In some ways, I neglected what part of me denied what I felt. While in others, I knew what I wanted.

This was real to me. So real in fact, that I found myself making plans. I don't make plans but with James everything is new to me. Just like now when I so easily could abandon my thoughts at his velvety touch. I felt his arms wrap around me as he gently pulled me closer to him, my back to his front and I fluttered at the soft push of his breathing through my hair as he effortlessly serenaded me. 

-

There was a strike of thunder that pulled me from my sleep and as I sat up, I realized I was alone. I tugged on one of the blankets, wrapping it around me as I stood to my feet and searched my surroundings. I even peaked inside the truck to find that it was completely empty. Where is he?

I held on tight to the blanket around me as I jumped off the tailgate and made my way around the riding arena. I traced the trails the tires made from last night with my feet, smiling to myself as I clung onto the memory and stored it somewhere safe along with everything else I do with James.

I gripped the blanket around me as I continued my search. I was in solitude and that accentuated with every step. The thunder struck again causing me to jump but then I saw a shadow towards the door and as I approached it I heard a hushed whisper growing louder as I closed in on it.

"Listen, I can't talk right now. - Yes. - No, I haven't told her about Stacey yet. Because she wouldn't forgive me -"

Stacey? The air from my lungs slowly disintegrated. Damn did that hurt and I knew so much as it creeped up my spine and shocked my entirety. In all my life, I never remember feeling this type of pain, this tension building in and around my chest as it revolved around the best night of my life. It scared me a little.

It was also safe to assume that he was talking to Jade. She was the only one, other than me, that he would answer the phone to this late at night. It didn't hurt that I could also hear the muffled sound of her voice as it came through the receiving end of the phone.

"-Would you calm down?  - Yes, I know she deserves to know but - would you stop yelling for five seconds? - No. I'm not ready to lose her..."

Just then as I made a bold move and stepped towards him, he turned to me. A coldness in his eyes as he forced out a smile. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as another crash of thunder echoed throughout the arena.