Hunter's Chance

t h i r t y - s e v e n

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JAMES POV (fjkafdjsakljfdl;safdsa;laf)

I rub my hands over my head, feeling the prickle of each and every individual hair. I didn't want to buzz my head but mom insisted. She said that I would prefer it this way, but I think it was more so to stabilize her sanity. She couldn't stand seeing me like this, so weak and fragile, but the hair loss she saw happening every morning when I woke up, that was what made it real for her. I was having a hard time with it too. Though I knew it wasn't the hair loss that ultimately set her off, it was the weight loss and the persistent fatigue that triggered her to be so vigilant.

"First time?" I looked up to see a man, much older than I was, sitting in one of the chairs across from us.

My mother responded for me. "Yes, and you?"

She was being polite then and he knew it too. His hair was gone and not just on his head, his eyebrows and eyelashes didn't exist either.

"Unfortunately, no. I've been well on my way out for a while now."

My mother let out a whimper. I could appreciate his candor but she was still downloading this, still processing that this was now her reality. She wasn't ready for the cold, solid truth but men like him and I, we understand, or at least I was beginning to.

"I'm James," I said as I reached out my hand. "Lymphoma."

He reached his hand out for mine and responded, "Kyle. Brain tumor."

And just like that, we are at an understanding of one another. Mom sniffled next to me and then she stood and made her way to the bathroom. She didn't understand. I mean how could she? Her suffering through this is at a completely different volume than my own. I still have a long ways to go but if I wanted to punish myself for something that is completely out of my control, I'd torment myself too. I'd dwell and feel wrecked just like she does. I do know how she feels though, it's as if she's jammed into this tiny space descending into the unknown. It's claustrophobic and tight making it nearly impossible to breathe. I felt it once, if only for a second, but I could recognize that, that is where she is. She's stuck in that element.

When we first heard the news, the doctor cited a few articles noting that the recovery rate for Lymphoma was high, and figuring that we caught things early enough, he was confident that we would come out on top of this but mom wasn't satisfied. She has always been a skeptic though. She's often left with an unresolved feeling after any sort of bad news and I knew this going in.

I look ahead of me and see Kyle, wearing his tumor. He was smiling as he was tossing through the pages of a magazine. I didn't know him from Adam, but he didn't seem like the type to let that sort of thing get him down. I could admire that, I could learn from that.

I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees and ask, "how long?" I had been curious about this.

"About three years now." He said, sliding his arm to rest on the back of the chair next to him. "I was told six months, but here we are." He said shrugging his shoulders.

"We haven't gotten that far yet." I said as I sat back in my chair. "I was just diagnosed yesterday and as you can see, we're all handling it extremely well." I told him as I lifted my chin in the direction of my mother.