Hunter's Chance

t h i r t y - e i g h t

Raegan POV

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"I know it's not what you wanted to hear." James said as he stepped towards me.

Everything was still then as I escaped to my memories of that day. It was the winter of dads life. He was nearing the end, I knew it and he knew it too. Things were bad and it was going to hurt, but I was clinging so hard onto those final days. I was devoted to make them the best that I possibly could.

This news hit me like a freight train. I feel fractured and breathless, almost as if I'm busting from the seams. Tears were forming in an army behind my eyes and I could feel the shutter of sadness as it swept over my core. My defenses were standing guard as I let the anguish settle into my being. It was then that I pushed past James and immediately jumped to my own defense.

"You mean to tell me that after all this time..." I wiped at my eyes. "You knew? You knew everything, before that night in my room when I divulged every minor detail, you ALREADY KNEW?"

I was shouting, I think. I could recognize this feeling as an ardent way to deter my feelings. My head is warped, swarming with the possibility that what he is saying is true. Because if it is, he was there, at my fathers very last appointment. James stepped forward and grabbed me by the arms, pulling my attention to his.

"I did."

"How could you not tell me? How could you go this long? Why don't I remember you?" I have so many questions.

"Rae, I was sick. I didn't look the same as I do now. Not to mention that you were completely distracted... and gritty... and high strung."

I pull away, remembering back to that day at his parents house when I saw that photograph of him on his dresser. His hair was buzzed. He was skinnier then, frail even. How could I not have put this all together. "So what now? This was all for what?"

"I wanted to know you."

"WHY? I WANT TO KNOW WHY!"

"I don't know how to explain it." He said pushing his hand through his hair. "There was an obvious pull that you had on me that day. The way you hurt, it reminded me that life was worth fighting for. I know it may not make sense now, but I fought so that I could meet you again. So that I could know you."

"And Stacey? She was the doctor right? She was new that day." I said as I remembered her sweet and profound way of making you have hope even when you knew where things were going.

"Dad had never met with her before then, but did you know that was the meeting where we found out things were progressively getting worse? That was dad's last meeting. Did you know that?"

He shrugged his shoulders and looked down at the ground. "I didn't know that. Not at the time."

"Did you know that while my dad was sneaking out, my mother was making her first appearance in a bar? Did you know that?" I was angry mixed with confusion. A very toxic combination.

He stepped towards me and put his hand under my chin lifting it to him. "I didn't know. All I knew was that after that day, I wanted to know you. I knew my life was different when I was diagnosed. That was seemingly obvious but you? You came in with this feisty attitude." I betrayed my emotions and laughed then, still with tear filled eyes.

"I knew that I had to follow up."

My mind made quick strides as it came to the realization. "That night at the party with Conner..."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah," he shook his head "I knew your dad had passed. I kept up with the local newspaper and saw his obituary. There was a photograph of your family."