Hunter's Chance

s i x t e e n

"Are you sure you don't want to come in?"

I look past him to the white house. On the outside it looks so normal, you'd never suspect the truth and that is that it is completely and utterly broken, that every single room is stained with heartache and sadness.

The front porch light is on and somehow I know that my mother is inside. She's probably sitting under her covers listening to Stevie Nicks while she spoons herself ice cream. I want to be right there with her. I mean I almost do. I think about going inside and crawling into bed next to her. I think about laying on her stomach while she plays with my hair, Seven Wonders echoing off the walls. But then I don't.

"I'm sure." I look back at Conner and give him a half smile before reaching over the middle console and wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugs me back only a little tighter and after we exchange our I love you's, he's disappeared into the house.

I rest my head back on my seat with my eyes closed. I don't want to go back to Flagstaff and I mean, I really don't have to tonight. I don't have to be back to work until Thursday afternoon. I could dodge Cass and her inquisitive ways, but then I'd be here with my mother, who undoubtedly would want to talk.

I huff at the ongoing battle in my head and as if I've made up my mind, I sit up and turn off the engine. I look over at the house, the porch light is still on and somehow it seems brighter than before. It's as if I'm guilty of something, the light holding me there, questioning me and my intentions.

I shake the thought and grab my bag off the passenger floor mat before pulling on the door handle. I avoid going through the front door, possibly waking up my mother could result in a heavy duty heart-to-heart that I'd instinctively roll my eyes to. I'd allow the entire conversation to go in one ear and out the other. Tonight is just not the night.

I want to talk to her and I will. But not right now. Right now, I want to close my eyes and sleep the entirety of this day off. Completely rid it of my memory. So instead, I toss my bag over my shoulder, stopping and glancing at the front door before making my way towards the backyard.

It's cold enough to raise bumps in my arms and legs but not cold enough to slow me down. I'm retracing the steps Cass and I once took when we would sneak out with Tommy Pierce and his older brother Wesley.

"You're going to love Wesley, he's got that brooding, sexy, rugged thing going on." Cass says to me as she applies her lipgloss.

"You're really going to sit there and pretend like you're not using me so you can, what do the kids call it nowadays? Get down? With Tommy of all people, I mean c'mon Cass."

"Can you, for once in your life, put on a good face and be happy?"

"This hardly calls for a situation to be happy about. I don't even know him."

"You know, I'm going to laugh when you end up really liking him."

"You do realize that you're talking to me, right?"

"Oh shut up," She says lobbing her lipgloss at me. "And get dressed before your parents hear us."

I find it hard to see in the dark, but somehow my feet find their way right to it. The familiar hole in the ground brings a smirk to my face. I grab hold of the sides before jumping down onto the rocks and into the pit that is the window well.

I readjust my bag, pushing it further back so that it doesn't slide down my arm before pressing both hands to the glass. I slowly glide it open and peak my head into the room. Everything looks in place. I've got my Nirvana poster pinned to the wall to the right of me, and my white painted brick wall on the left. With that, I step through, and in a very Raegan-Hunter-Like form, I lose my balance and forcibly tumble onto the bed. I try to stifle the laugh but can't help it, I use my hand as a barrier, trying to conceal the sound but the fit won't stop.