Hunter's Chance

t w e n t y - e i g h t

"Yes sweetheart, five."

"Mom, can you just stop? I'm not going to abide by the laws of some bullshit five-step program to grieving that you read in a book somewhere."

I can feel the grass folding beneath my steps while the rest of me seems to be numb, including that incredibly cold thing pulsating in my chest. It's somehow managed to calm down and then some.

"Please don't do this." She begged, grabbing the back of my arm. "There are other ways."

"Like you have any room to talk." I spat back at her, ripping my arm from her grip and pushing through the screen door. "I learned this from you."  Stepping outside, I realized that It had been raining, the window wipers were going full speed and when I pulled away in my car, I glanced in the rearview at Conner as he stood in the middle of the road behind me soaking in the rain as if he was being soaked with my misery.

I wipe my nose on the back of my hand, losing my step and tumbling down to the ground. The mud drenches my clothing, leaving me wet and cold but I don't care enough to stop and observe that. I press my shaking hands into the ground and pull myself back up.

"Is Ruby working tonight?" I hesitantly asked the bartender as I tossed my bag onto the counter top and slid onto the barstool soaking wet.

"She just left."

"Good. I'll take a Jack and Coke."

The rain had wiped away all of the mud that was on me, but not the emptiness or guilt that I feel. That has managed to stay with me as I stomp through the puddles in my boots. I slip again, only this time I grab onto the trunk of a tree as it holds me up. I push my back to the bark and take a few deep breaths. The rain is coming down a lot harder now as if it was doing all it could to clear me of my conscience.

"I've seen you around here before." The guy sitting in the barstool to the left of me said as he nudged into me. "What's your name good lookin?"

I braced myself against the tree as I plunged forward over a massive puddle and once my feet were planted, I was golden. I adjusted my bag further back on my shoulders before continuing forward.

"Want another?" The stranger whispered into my ear as I watched the Yankees take the Red Sox on the big screen above the bar. "Maegan?" He asked again, nudging me.

He had been calling me Maegan for the last hour or so and I never bothered correcting him because if this was anything like before, I knew where this would go. "You know," I mumbled as I swayed from side to side. "He's everywhere."

"Who?" The guy asks after ordering me another drink as he snakes his arm around my back.

"When I met his dad he talked about stupid baseball. The Yankees and Red sox even." I try to stand but fumble a little before he grabs my arms and steadies me. "His favorite beer is," I tap on the bottle in his hand. "Good ole Coors Light here."

"Are you sure you're ok?" No. I thought to myself, but at least he had the decency to ask. He was a decent looking guy. He smelled nice, he was dressed in a suit, he had dark brown eyes and his hair was pushed up in the front.

"So formal" I told him as I ran my hand up and down one of the flaps on the front of his jacket."Oh and you'll never guess what his favorite song is," I said pointing up to the ceiling as incubus played throughout the speakers. "Yup."

I start humming that same song as lightening ripples across the sky, bringing a cast of light over the small field and giving me a better sense of direction.