Hunter's Chance

t h i r t y

He has to know that I'm thinking about him because he left his snapback on the floor in the back of my car. I mean, he has to know that every time I reach back there for something that I find it, wrinkled just below the Yankees logo and the brim is stick-straight with only the ends curving down slightly. I hate that damn hat and it's symbolism as the sure sign of what could have been with some guy. My guy. I almost wonder if he left it in here on purpose, but then how could he have known that I designed for our relationship to significantly blow up in our faces?

"Just go for it." Cass says as she reapplies her lip liner in the small mirror of my visor.

I make a face that she can't see and toss the blue hat to the other side of the backseat. Reaching for my old CD case up underneath my seat, I think about what Cass said and how she makes it sound so easy but I guess for her, it always has been.

"Here," I push myself back to the front seat and plop the book of our high school melodramatic hits onto her lap.

She looks down and a smile plays on her face. "Remember when you would make me listen to The Cranberries and Alanis Morrisette after you and Keagen broke up?" She asked as she pushed up the visor and began flipping through the discs.

"It was one time!" I shouted, tossing my head back against my chair.

"Yeah whatever. You loved him. Hey, speaking of love, when are you going to tell James about how much you love him and want to have his kids?"

"Cass," I warn.

She shifts in her seat so that she is facing me now. "What? The guy is seriously hot."

"Who's hot?" Jade asks as she slides in the backseat.

I respond with "No one." Just as Cass answers with "Your brother."

"Do we have to talk about this?" I'm eyeing my rearview mirror but Jade is looking anywhere but back at me.

All I ask for is a reaction but she sits still, giving nothing away. If I could just have a subtle hint, anything to use as ammo to my motivation, then I could tell him. I could tell him that hesitation is built into my blood system along with arrogance, and my pretentious habits, and that even though I hate being wrong, I could admit it just this one time.

"Oh, I haven't heard from him."

"What?" I say, turning in my seat.

"He won't answer my calls."

Now, I was the quiet one. Thinking back to the plan Cass and I made at the diner this morning.

"You could call him." Cass says nonchalantly.  " Or just show up at The Ranch?"

"Sure Cass, let me just go ahead and return to the crime scene. And I don't want to call him. A call just seems so... I don't know. He just deserves more than that."

"Oh..." She said scratching her head. "Well what if we... no that wouldn't work."

I sit up on my side of the booth, my finger pressed down on the top of my straw, pulling it out as the water falls back into the cup. "I guess I could call Jade." I finally say. "She'll know where he is."

So maybe that's where we went wrong. Thinking Jade could somehow fix what I set out to destroy. I feel a sudden rush of heat just then and when I reach for the AC, there's a blast of his scent that fills the car. It only lasts a second or two, and the girls don't notice, but I find myself relishing in that brief moment.

"That's my fault." I finally say to Jade and I know she knows it too when she turns her head to look out the window completely ignoring my admission.