Stay With Me [Thorin Oakenshield]

Chapter 10: Down in the deep of Goblintown

Warning: This chapter entails graphic depictions of violence. Read at your discretion. Thank you.

It was a few hours later when Bilbo deemed it safe to stop pretending to sleep and opened his eyes. With the fierce storm still raging on outside there was no telling what time of day it was.

The first sight to meet his eyes was Louisa, sleeping peacefully beside him, curled in on herself against the cold. He was sorely tempted to wake her up and ask her to come with him, but he knew better than to put her in a position where she had to choose between her loyalty to a friend and her honour to a promise. Instead, he glanced around the company, making sure that everyone was asleep before silently getting to his feet, collecting his things, and heading for the entrance of the cave. Carefully he stepped in the small empty spaces between the dwarves, clambering over them stealthily. Miraculously he made it to the exit without anyone waking up and had just deemed himself safe when he was stopped by a concerned voice.

"Where do you think you're going?", questioned Bofur, who had taken the first watch, in a hushed tone. The hobbit halted in his steps, hardening his resolve to not let the kind dwarf sway him. He turned to look at him, responding: "Back to Rivendell". 

Bofur met his gaze astonished and then quickly got to his feet. "No, no, you can't turn back now. You're part of the company. You're one of us.", he whispered. Bilbo scoffed and no one could have missed the pain in his gaze as he denied it. "I'm not though, am I?", he said. Bofur's face fell upon seeing the hobbits hurt expression, causing him to go on. "Thorin said I should never have come, and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. And I'm not like Louisa. I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door.", he murmured, all his thoughts and feelings rushing out of him at the dwarf's empathetic look. 

Unbeknownst to him, Thorin had been unable to sleep after his dispute with Louisa and couldn't help but listen to their conversation, feeling slightly guilty for how much his words had broken Bilbo's spirit. Besides, he didn't want Louisa to be put in a position where she had to choose between her loyalty to her friend and her honour to her promise to stand by the company, so he almost considered getting up to apologise and persuade the hobbit to stay himself, if only to not have to tell Louisa that her friend had left without a word. He could hardly bear the thought of her expression as disbelief turned into hurt and regret. 

"You're homesick. I understand.", Bofur tried to console his friend, not wanting him to go. Bilbo, however, wouldn't have any of it and lost his composure as he responded harshly. "No, you don't! You don't understand. None of you do. You're dwarves! You're used to this life, to living on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!", he hissed, his voice rising slightly towards the end.

Thorin felt sick to his stomach, as if the hobbit had just brutally punched him in the gut. 

Only after his words had left his mouth, did Bilbo realise just how upsetting they were, and he felt a pang of regret spread in his chest as he saw Bofur's face fall with sadness. His expression mirrored his feelings as he tried to take back his words. "Oh, I am sorry. I didn't...", he trailed off, not knowing what to say and instead cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

Bofur forced a bitter smile onto his face. "No, you're right.", the dwarf said, looking back at his company. "We don't belong anywhere.", he muttered, as if admitting an unspoken truth that all of them were secretly aware of. The king felt his heart break at the lost tone in his friend's voice, closing his eyes momentarily as if to shut it out. Bofur turned back to Bilbo with a sad smile. "I wish you all the luck in the world.", he said kindly. 

Bilbo looked up at him surprised, understanding that the dwarf would no longer try to keep him from leaving. "I really do.", Bofur stressed, acknowledging the grateful look on Bilbo's face and gently grasped him by the shoulder, as a means of saying goodbye. Thorin was now torn between respecting Bilbo's choice and wanting to stop him for Louisa's sake, as he heard the hobbit begin to leave. Thankfully he was spared from having to make up his mind, when Bofur spoke up again. "What's that?", he asked curiously, apparently having noticed something unusual.