Feb 29, 2024.
Al fin lo logré!!!! AaaAAaaAaAa 😩♥️✨✨✨
The horunvendoush day, had a purpose, it was a fucking flashback!!!!!
It was like travelling in time so I could be able to see it clearly now.
In that moment, after the break up I went to someone to feel lust, to try to fix my self esteem, the thing is that it was better than I thought but I didn't liked how things happened so I focused on myself and started my healing journey.
My old friends were there as a symbolism of how gambling and drinking without control were my exit to not face my problems, to stop feeling that much but in the end it was only a power up for crying my heart out.
The other girls which I loved for a while were a symbolism of betrayal, of how I stayed in places which made me feel uncomfortable and small. But I stayed in the name of love and friendship.
That's the reason why.
That's why I called her and said all those things.
In the beginning I was saying how much she hurt me, I wasn't thinking about love cuz she broke it.
In the exact moment when she started to attack by saying things like "if you want me to take the blame for it all so you can feel better" it's when I changed my speech just like back then. She triggered me and that's why I started to try to be soft, to be a people pleaser again.
In the end it's like Hayley's song: "I thought I was depressed (again) but I think that I just needed to cry"
I went back for a moment which made me realize that since the break up I healed, I'm better and I didn't need lovers to get over the breakup, that I really focused on myself and that I achieved many goals that the little girl in me had.
And talking about love, I needed to speak with my crush, Gab<3
Somehow I feel like I needed that feeling, to remind me how I felt before all that shit happened, he reminded me that there's another hopeless romantic just like me, and just because he exist I feel happy and he makes me feel his love, he makes me feel in love<3
I know that right now I can't erase my past but I can leave it behind just like I did before, but now I know that maybe it was necessary for me to really see it.
2022 was really hurtful but in the end of that year I received a lot of different good things, and that was because of my effort and the fact that I gave myself another chance which I definitely will do it again.
I forgive myself for this mistake and I've learned my lesson, thank you universe for teaching me how everything could've been if I choose to disrespect myself <333
ESTÁS LEYENDO
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