Teen Romance Fantasy

Act 8 (Ch)

The first time I actually proceeded to start a conversation with Sarah was when we were both on our way home. It was rather late already. The setting sun went below the horizon and painted the world golden. Even Sarah's straight, dark brown hair looked unreal to me in the moment. As the leafs danced around in the wind, her hair did so too. With every step she took, the colour of the sky seemed to change. From blue to purple. From purple to yellow.

Now was the chance. My hands were trembling and even though I opened my mouth, no sound came out of it. I never expected this to be so hard. I just needed to say it. Simple. Why couldn't I do it? Why couldn't I look at her and tell her how I really felt?

She was getting away. I wouldn't be able to catch her anymore.

"Thank you!" I did it. She stood still. Calm and collected. She turned around. Her face was hidden behind the aggressive black mist. I didn't want to see it but I knew just as well that I needed to be strong.

"For what?" She asked genuinely surprised.

Exactly. For what? I didn't know what really happened. I had no idea what Mishka and her friends were saying, when I met Sarah in front of the classroom. I was only telling myself that she tried to protect me but I had no prove. What if I was wrong? What if they didn't actually say anything about me? The only thing I could be certain about was that they were talking about Sarah.

"The other day you didn't let me go into the classroom.", I began explaining, as I tried to avoid looking at her.

"I heard that Mishka and her friends were gossiping again. You sent me away because they were talking about me, right?"

Silence. She didn't say anything. She probably looked me in the eyes but I couldn't tell. I didn't realise that she was coming closer until she stood right in front of me. The scent of her perfume was as strong as always. I could quite literally taste the vanilla on my tongue.

"I see, so you found out about it. Sorry. When I heard all those nasty things Mishka said, I couldn't bring myself to let you through. I guess I acted a little mindlessly."

No, you didn't. You protected me, again. I loved how you noticed me. You didn't have to but you did it anyways. You saved me and I was grateful for that, so stop beating yourself up over this.

Why didn't I say any of this? Why was it that my mind understood my feelings but voice didn't want to explain it? Why did I let her leave? I should have reached out to her. I should have held her hand, when she turned around. I should have shouted louder than a lion, when she walked away. I should have said something. Anything. I didn't. I was lazy as always.

The next day I didn't go to school. I felt sick. My mom knocked on my door twice but I didn't answer. She had a key to my room but she never actually used it. She only asked me once, if I wanted to eat anything. When I didn't answer, she gave up. I knew that I was breaking her heart piece by piece every day and I knew that she didn't deserve a son like me.

Why was I thinking about this again?

A sudden pain set in around my chest. It got worse. I gasped for air. Not again! It couldn't happen again! Why did I have to lose control of myself?! I tried to erase the memories from my system entirely but it was almost impossible.

The same staircase, the same people. Again, I gasped for air. I didn't know what I was doing. I lay in bed, trembling. Cold sweat ran down my body as my muscles began cramping. The pain first started in my limbs but eventually it made its way to the rest of my body. I must have been shouting a lot but I couldn't hear my own voice. I tossed and turned but the cycle of torture continued until I fell to the ground and my vision got blurry. Then everything turned dark.

I don't remember much after it. I think my mother and my sister ran into my room shortly after I collapsed. The next time I opened my eyes, I found myself in a white room. It was mostly silent besides a weird noise in the background that I had already been familiar to. Still it was disgusting. I tried to get up but I couldn't. I felt too weak.

"When was the last time he ǎħďķġxñ?" A fierce voice asked somewhere in the distance, after which an orchestra of tears followed.

"I'm sorry... I don't know..." My mother's voice. Weak, combined with a stereotypical Asian accent. I realised that I had messed up. 

I tried to ignore the ache on my chest and sat down straight, as I looked in their direction. A tall man, with broad shoulder and a face covered by black mist. They both turned to look at me. I must have been unconscious for a while. My mother's eyes were as red as blood. Her skin was unusually pale. With every time I found myself in this very same bed, I could tell how much she was aging. The skin around her cheeks was sagging. She was starting to look just like my grandmother.

"Mom, I'm fine."

Silence.

"You're not fine Christian. You're not fine at all. It's all my fault. I'm an awful excuse of a parent. I can't even protect my own son."

I was expecting her to get mad at me but instead she was mad at herself. How long before she would give up on me?

The man took a seat beside me. He leaned forward and most likely began staring at me kindly and worried. I could already tell what was going to come next and honestly I didn't want to hear it.

"When will you finally understand that you can't continue like this? I know it's hard to forget but the more you dwell in the past, the more it hurts. Don't you have anything you want in life? Anything to look forward to?"

"I don't know."

The man sighed.

"How about you find something that you want? Perhaps a friend or a hobby."

I remembered a little later that I probably missed my exam. Once again Tyson would be on top of the class. I hated being second but at the same time I didn't feel like putting in the effort to be first. Besides, Tyson enjoyed being better than me. Especially since lately he took every chance to look more attractive in front of Alexy. On the other hand, Sarah probably thought that I was an idiot.