Separated in the Phantoms

Chapter 34

My eyes shot open. I dreamt of Faith’s death once again. I looked at the time. 8:23. I stretched and stood up. Faith’s funeral was at 12 pm, so I had plenty of time to get ready. I threw my pink dress on and slid my feet into a pair of white, low heels. I had already informed Amethyst of the agreement between Faith and me and she told me it wasn’t a problem. I did my make-up. It was a neutral, pinkish look. I looked at the time again. 9:56. That took longer than I expected. I finished up my hair and took out a rather small hat out of the closet next to me. The hat was pink and it had a white net that covered my eyes. I put it on and walked out of my room.
When I walked downstairs, I smelled the comforting smell of eggs and bacon. But I wasn’t hungry. My stomach was filled with what felt like a rock. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to drink. I just wanted this dreadful day to be over. I sat down at the table, shoving my empty plate away. Dad turned around and gave me a big, warm, comforting smile. I only managed to give him a weak, emotionless smile in return.
“Not hungry?” He asked as he turned back towards the stove.
“Not really.” I muttered back, as I remembered the morning the first letter of Graves arrived. I clearly saw Faith standing there, also baking eggs and bacon, in my mind. Even though this was a very normal thing to do, I couldn’t help but think about her.
My dad forced me to eat at least one egg. After that, he went upstairs to get dressed for the funeral. He came down in one of his plain, black suits. I looked at the time again. 11:48.
“Time to go, dad. It's still a 10 minute drive to the cemetery.” I said. I tried to hide the pain in my voice, but that was impossible.
The whole time we were on the road towards the cemetery, I stayed silent. I had nothing to say. I wanted to say nothing.
We arrived at the funeral. The place was gorgeously decorated. There were black and white balloons and a shit ton of chairs. My dad and I sat down in the front row. Faith's dark wooden coffin was there already. Soon, the many guests came flowing in. And at 12 pm sharp, the funeral started. I didn’t pay any attention to what the priest said. I just fiddled with a ring I was wearing. Suddenly, I heard my name. I looked up, confused. Everyone was looking at me. I figured it was time for my speech. I took a deep breath and walked to the front. I looked at all the people.
“Faith… Faith was my best friend. No, she was more. She was my sister. My everything. The one I could always talk to. The one who could always understand me. We have known each other since we were kids. And our bond never grew weaker. It only became stronger. She went on a journey with me, after we found out my dad was missing. I was challenged to save my father, and I accepted it. I never knew that this journey would end like this… I do really blame myself for her death, but I know she wouldn’t want me to dwell on her death or blame myself. She would want me to celebrate her life and our life together. She would’ve wanted me to smile, even though that is so incredibly hard.” I started sobbing.
“I-I always thought I would be the one to die first. Even though she was quite the rebel, I always do stupid things. I manage to get us in trouble and somewhat dangerous situations. I mostly got hurt because of my clumsiness. Faith isn’t supposed to lay there. She doesn’t deserve this.” I looked up and my blood started boiling. I saw Torin, standing in a black suit against a tree a few miles away.
“Even though I blame myself, it’s not just my fault. I wish it was just my fault, that I would be the only one to blame. But, she was arguing with someone. That someone was to stupid to look out and she fell.” I sighed. I was still staring at Torin, but I decided I didn’t want any more trouble. I changed my story a little. Tears were streaming down my face.
“But, I don't know their name or whereabouts. I wish I did so they could face their rightful punishment.” I had to breathe a lot during my sentences, so that people could understand me. I turned around and faced Faith’s coffin.
“Faith… I love you. I have always loved you and I always will. You’re my best friend. And I miss you… so much. You will always be in my heart. Rest in peace.” I said. I walked back as the people clapped. My dad wrapped his arm around me.
The funeral was over and everyone was going to Amethyst's house. My eyes were looking for Torin. I saw him walking away from the crowd. I excused myself from my dad and followed him. My blood was boiling again. I started walking faster and faster and soon, I left the funeral guests behind me. Torin turned around, starting to greet me, but I didn’t want to hear it. Instead, I punched him right in the face. He fell down and I started raging and rambling, my face looking like I would kill him.
“How dare you!? How DARE you come here!? YOU are the reason she’s dead! YOU are the reason she’s laying there, six feet under the ground. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS TO COME HERE TO HER FUNERAL, PRETENDING YOU CARE! God! YOU are the one to blame here! And I told you I’d never want to see your face again! Fuck off!” I yelled. Torin got back onto his feet. I had to look up to look him in the eyes.
“Ruby… I am so very sorry for what I did. I was blind and stupid. Faith deserved so much better. I just came here to pay my respects. I never meant for this to happen. I will leave now, and you’ll never see me again. I am so sorry for my actions. I wish I could do anything else then apologise. But I can’t. I cannot undo my actions. All I can say is: I’m sorry.” He said. I looked him dead in the eye.
“Leave. Go back to Begger’s Hole.” I said. Torin nodded and walked away. I took a deep breath before walking back to my dad.
The wake was beautiful, but very sombre. Although, that was expected. My dad and I were back home. I was laying on my bed. Everything had changed. Someone dear to me was ripped out of my life by someone else I thought was dear to me. I stared at the ceiling as countless thoughts filled my head. People say that you heal over time. That you learn to move on. I never did. I am still not over Faith’s death. I knew back then that nothing was ever going to be the same. And I was right. Nothing is the same.