Abused and cancerous to adopted by matpat

Death

-at school the next day-

"Y/N, Y/N!" Birdseed ran up to me during Spanish class. "What?" I asked. "Nate killed himself last night after the drama." "...what?" "Ten o clock last night. He climbed into a trash can with a shotgun and shot through his neck. Didn't want to leave a mess for his parents." They explained. "I- that...that is so horrible." I said. "Do you think...it was because of us?" I asked them. "No, it wasn't our fault. We hugged. "It is just so sad and unfortunate." I said. On the outside I looked perfectly normal but I wasn't. A storming gray cloud hovered over me. Low rumbles of thunder echoing in my mind. The annoying tones signaled over the intercom. The morning announcements started. "We would like to announce some sad news, last night one of our students ended his life. Nate Veetor. We will hold a mandatory gathering in the gym this afternoon to reflect on his life." "There will be no extracurricular activities taking place after school out of respect. Now let us all take a moment of silence for Nate."

I looked down at my desk. Some people closed their eyes. I never know what to do during these moments of silence. I saw a few kids praying, hands pressed together. Ms. Garny fumbled with her thumbs. "Okay thank you, and have a great day." The announcements cut out. I looked back at Roddy. For once, his eyes weren't brimming with jealous daggers. I looked over at Alex, for once he was quiet. No arguing, no fighting, just looking at the board. I looked over at Ms. Garny, who was obviously distraught. "We can have a free class period today, the lesson can be another time. Just no phones." With that she opened up her computer, leaving us to our own devices.

-time skip to lunch-

The whole cafeteria seemed quieter than normal. This whole day seemed as silent. As if the world had been put on pause. Nobody smiled, nobody laughed, yet nobody cried. I wanted to. I wanted to cry until my eyes were beet-red, run out of the doors and only stop when I reached the end of the Earth. Yet I couldn't. I tried forcing myself to cry, or at least weep, but not a single tear dripped down my face. Some part of me, some microscopic fraction of me, was glad. He was so horrible to me. He LOOKED UP MY SKIRT. I should NEVER be happy over a situation like this. I knew that. As tiny as that part of me was, it still made me a despicable, sociopathic person. I sat down at my table. Everyone else was having a conversation, how do they do it? How do they just live this day like any other? "Is it okay to ask you what happened yesterday?" Marco asked. "I don't really want to talk about it, it feels wrong to talk about him like that now." I responded. "Y/N, people need to know. He might be dead but this needs to be heard. This can't be tucked away in the furthest, darkest corners of our minds. Or else it will happen again. It always happens again." Nora said. "If you don't want to talk about it, then can I?" She asked. "I guess."

-at the gathering-

I walked inside the gym and sat down cross-legged on the floor like everybody else. In the center was the principal and three other people. A man, a woman, and a little boy, I guessed that he was about six or seven years old. "I appreciate everyone for being here today. Speaking with us is Nate's family. His two parents and his younger brother, Thomas. This bled into my mind, flooding it. I shouldn't feel bad for Nate. I should feel terrible for those three people in the center of the gym. The woman began to speak, her teardrops shredding into her words. It all morphed into gibberish as it was delivered. All I wanted was to be home. I would tuck myself under the covers of my bed, cover my head with my pillow, and never leave. Or to put thirty cuts into my arms, fifteen on each. Climbing up from my wrist, to my elbow, to the top of my shoulder. Ten for each of his family members. With a rusty, dull knife to lengthen the pain. The principal took the mic again. "Tomorrow we will take a short 90 minute trip to the graveyard. Everyone is expected to bring in a dollar to pay for a flower that they can leave at the grave. Anybody who would like to will be able to get some alone time with the grave." She dismissed us all by grade and I went to grab my things and got onto the bus to go home.

I walked into the door and went straight to my room, ignoring Steph's greeting. I threw my backpack onto the ground, shut the door behind me, and buried my head into my pillow. Steph came in right after "Y/N, What's wrong?" She asked. "Did something happen at school?" I sat up. She put her hand on my shoulder. "Tell me what happened." "Th-that kid wh-who..." I could barely speak. "Take a breath." I did and continued. "So the kid who looked up my skirt killed himself last night. It was all my fault. It's because of me that he was kicked out of the show. I humiliated him in front of everyone, I am the reason he did this!" "Stop being so hard on yourself, you were just defending yourself." "I should kill myself too." "No you don't, don't ever say that." "Do you want to talk to Mat about this? I nodded.

She left and then a minute later, Mat came in. "Steph told me what happened, do you want to talk about it?" I shrugged. "It wasn't your fault, it was just unfortunate." "It was my fault! I am so sick of everyone sugarcoating it, I am the reason for all of this. If I had just kept my mouth shut, or better yet have killed myself before this, none of this would have happened." "Y/N, if you didn't do anything, it would still be going on. What would be better? This, or him continuing to harass you?" "I don't know..." "How about we go live-stream, we can play some fnaf if you want. Would that make you feel better?" "Sure" We went up to the office and went live. The chat immediately filled with how much everyone missed me on the channel. Those comments went in one ear and out the other. The old y/n that everybody had missed was gone. Everything that they saw on the screen was an imposter.The real y/n was dead, incinerating in the boiling pits of Hell, maybe Nate was there too.