"I don't deserve you not because you are too good for me but because I want to be happy." Naging malumanay na ang pagsasalita niya. "Kahit na patawarin kita ngayon, hindi na malilinis ang nakaraan."
"I'm sorry..."
"Alam kong pinahanap mo ako. And despite everything that happens, I still want to tell you that I finally achieved my dreams. Nakapag aral ulit ako at ngayon makakapag patayo na ng sariling bahay. My friends especially Maxivon, they all helped me. Binuo nila akong muli, Kate."
"I'm glad to hear that, Sarah. Really really glad..." It stings. Pero totoong may parte saakin na masaya sa mga narinig.
"I liked you." I know, she's always showy about her feelings. "And sinabi mo narin naman saakin noon na kahit anong mangyari hindi ka mahuhulog sa babae-"
"But I did. I like you, Sarah." Aamin narin ako.
"Too late"
"If only i could try, I'll climb to your heart again"
"No, Kate"
"Kahit gaano katagal, 3 years? 5 years? Kasi sigurado akong hindi na ako makakaramdam ng ganito sa kahit na sino, Sarah. Sayo lang."
"Kate..."
"Babawi ako, sa lahat-lahat. Kahit ipagtabuyan mo ako, Sarah-"
"Masaya na ako! Di mo ba naiisip na baka hindi talaga tayo pwede? Babae ako babae ka, muslim ako, yung mga napagdaanan ko, and what about dani? Kate, madami ng rason... Ano pa bang gusto mo?"
"Dani? What about her?"
"You're together, right?"
"No! We're just friends and workmates. I like you and she has a boyfriend."
Did she assume na may something samin ni Dani? Hell nahhh
"Sorry for thinking that, but still it won't change anything."
"Sarah..."
"Pagod na ako, Kate. Mabuti pa umuwi kana."
"We'll talk again right?"
Hindi siya sumagot.
Alam kong sobrang mapilit ko, gusto kong bumalik siya saakin. Napaka selfish ko tangina, grabe na yung dinanas niya pero ito parin ako. Naiintindihan ko siya, pero yung sarili ko hindi.
Madaming bagay ang tumatakbo sa isip ko, ngunit sa isang iglap naglaho lahat yon nang dahil lang sa isang pagdampi.
She's kissing me.
She's fucking kissing me.
Hindi na ako nagdalawang isip pa at nagpatianod nalang sa agos ng kaniyang mga halik.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I grabbed her waist. Going deeper into the kiss.
Malambot at matamis ang kaniyang mga labi.
We explored each other's mouths, our tongues playing fights.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang segundo ang itinagal namin, ngunit bumitaw na siya ng halos mawalan na ng hininga.
"Kiss me, Sarah, we shall be married o'sunday"
But I still want more.
We stayed in that position. Ang mga mata niya ay diretsong nakatingin saakin, tila ba kinakabisado ang bawat kurba ng mukha ko.
"Let's not force it, Kate. I'm not ready to accept you, and probably deep within you it's the guilt that makes you want me to come back to you."
"It's because I like you"
"Mas lamang ang guilt. You're also not okay, not ready. You're just denying it to yourself..."
No...
"Don't chase me, Kate. Masaya na ako ngayon pero alam ko sa sarili ko na may mas ibe-better pa ako. I want to have that. So fix yourself first, until I can finally say I deserve you."
Maybe she's right.
We might seem like we're okay in our lives now, but if you look closely, para kaming buhol-buhol na sinulid.
Masiyadong malaki ang naging matsa ng nakaraan samin, na kahit anong kusot mo hindi padin nawawala nagugusot lang.
And the scars on her body and heart, it won't fade that easily. So maybe she's also right, that we're not meant for each other.
But we're trying.
We're still trying.
I don't know what will happen to us in the future, but I hope we get better, healed and happy.
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'I'm also hoping that we end up together.'
